• Member Since 28th Aug, 2017
  • offline last seen Yesterday

FieryUnicorn42


Hi, I'm just another dude who loves Sunset Shimmer and MLP (but mostly Sunset Shimmer), so I'm here because I love MLP and EqG, and want to contribute with something, even if isn't nothing notable.

T
Source

After many years away from Equestria, Sunset Shimmer decides it's time to go back and get things right with Princess Celestia. Even uncertain of how the princess would react to her, Sunset goes to meet her hoping Celestia has forgiven her as well as her friends, however, what she does not expect is that things are not so simple between her and her former teacher.

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 29 )

So far, from what I read, the chapters are too short and all need to be fleshed out more. You have a good outline, but you need to get a better handle on the dialogue, pacing, fillers and emotions.

8917088 :twilightsmile: Thanks for the review, I'll try to improve my writing style.

Comment posted by Sinnerlust deleted Aug 7th, 2018
Comment posted by FieryUnicorn42 deleted Aug 7th, 2018

:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy: a vacation to fix a super broken relationship. How bad would it be? :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

Wanderer D
Moderator

I really want to read this story but it needs clean-up. It's not illegible, and generally speaking the story flows well enough to read, but the sentence structure and tenses are just... off. I think you could get a decent editor to just correct those details for you, and point them out so it can read better.

9346283
Thanks for your comment. I really have to review this entire chapter and fix all the errors. Thanks again for point some of them. :twilightsmile:

*reads first paragraph of first chapter*
:rainbowhuh: :applejackunsure::facehoof:

I... I can’t. This needs a LOT of work.

9514313 Thanks for your comment. :twilightsmile: Do you have any suggestion? Pointing what I did wrong is always helpful.

9514326
Well, it just doesn’t flow grammatically or language wise.

Even the first sentence makes it very obvious that English isn’t the author’s first language. But if the story is going to be in that language, some time and effort must be given to write it in that language properly.

9514444 I'm glad you replied. Turns out english really isn't my 1st language, but this don't justify my lack of attention with grammar or language wise. I mean, if I want my story be read for so many people as possible, it needs to be legible and flow properly. So thanks again for point my flaws.

9515424
Theres paper graders that correct grammar n stuff online, just copy and paste your paper onto them and they will correct em, just search for em and you'll probably find one.

English is obviously not your native language.

9347975

Thanks for your comment. I really have to review this entire chapter and fix all the errors. Thanks again for point some of them. :twilightsmile:

should be

Thanks for your comment. I really have to review this entire chapter, and fix all the errors. Thanks again for pointing out some of them. :twilightsmile:

10593382
Sorry for the lack of updates and for taking so long to respond. I'll try to publish one chapter per week, at least.

This would give Twilight Sparkle an aneurysm.

What are Sunset Shimmer background stories?

10752019
Do you mean in this specific chapter or in the story itself? Well, if somepony who doesn't know her asks who she is, she could say that she was an alumna of Celestia who now lives in another city and is paying a visit to her former mentor, which isn't a complete lie.

Ok, I following this story but one thing isn't exactly clear.

What are the ships?

9306890
she certainly could use a break from the castle work. She been working for non stop for years and she definitely needs a break if nothing else.

10819116
The ships in this story are: SunPie (Sunset and EqG Pinkie), Timber and Sci-Twi (it's not my favorite pairing for her, but whatever), RariDash or AppleDash or RariJack or AppleRariDash maybe, LunaShy (just kidding. Or not), Princess Celestia and Nightlight (formerly). I'm not sure about others, and I probaly will only portray properly Sunset's and Pinkie relationship, since this fic is about Sunset, you know.

Hope I answered what you asked.

10820018
Yeah you did. Thanks.

Keep up the good work on this story.

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