Alternate title: How "The Movie" Should Have Ended
Tempest Shadow walked out onto the top of the ramp, sickly brown smog billowing around her hooves as she moved. She stopped a third of the way down and stared down at the crowd of onlookers with a look of superiority.
Princess Celestia stood firm, flanked on either side by her sister and niece. "Tempest Shadow, I presume," she calls out. "And what can we help you with?"
Tempest continued to stare as she drew in a breath. "You can help me with one thing," she starts; her voice strong and commanding. "Your complete and unconditional surrender."
A few ponies in the crowd gasp, Celestia's eyes narrow, she and Tempest glare at each other in a silent battle of intimidation......and the faint sound of snickering can be heard from behind Princess Cadence; dispelling the shadows that had somehow gathered around the plateau.
The princesses moved apart slowly, revealing Twilight Sparkle as she struggled to hold in her sounds of humor. The princesses could do nothing but look to each other in confusion, and Tempest grit her teeth as she glared daggers into the youngest Alicorn.
"Are...are you mocking me?" she asked. "I'm here to take over your country and enslave your entire population...and you think that's funny?"
Twilight held up a wing and coughed a couple times to calm her twitching diaphragm. "I-I'm sorry," she said once she calmed down enough to speak. "I just...I need you to clarify a few things for me, real quick." She relaxed her facial muscles as much as she could. "So, you're here on behalf of this 'Storm King'?"
"Yes," Tempest growled. "I've been sent to conquer your land, enslave your citizens, and present your humiliated leaders to my master. I believe that was made perfectly clear."
"So, you chose today, of all days, when all four Princesses - including me - are in one place," Twilight continued as her lips threatened to break into a grin again. "Am I right to assume this was your plan?"
Tempest rolled her eyes. "Yes. Why go hunting for the four of you when I can snatch you up all at once? How is this difficult to comprehend?"
"Just humor me." Twilight casually sidled up to Tempest's side and wrapped a wing around her shoulders. "Now, you chose the Festival of Friendship to attack. Do you realize what you've just done?"
Tempest, confused and off-put by Twilight's casual action, stumbled over her thoughts. "Um...n-no? What have I done?"
Twilight began to snicker again, extending her other wing to gesture with it. "You've declared open war on Equestria in front of our diarchs, the leader of our ally The Crystal Empire, the entirety of the Champions of Harmony - including me, my pupil who is as strong as any Alicorn, the leader of our Yak allies, the leaders of our Changeling allies, the entirety of our ancient heroes The Pillars of Old Equestria, and the spirit of chaos himself. Not to mention my brother, who is not only in charge of the Royal Guards and Crystal Guards, but is also husband to the Princess of Love." As she rattled off names, each of the mentioned individuals stepped forward; some running in response to the sudden disturbance.
Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Starlight Glimmer charged their horns; Prince Rutherford and his attendants snorted and stomped their hooves; King Thorax and Prince Pharynx shapeshifted into giant monsters; Shining Armor and the combined Guard Corps ran up brandishing spears and crossbows; Discord poofed in behind Fluttershy; and the Pillars of Old Equestria stood side-by-side with the Champions of Harmony. The civilians wisely evacuated the premises as Twilight casually sauntered over to her friends; her magic dispelling the smog to reveal Tempest's comparatively pitiful reinforcements.
"Now, I have one question left," Twilight said as she turned to face Tempest. With a flash of magic, each of the Champions entered their Rainbow Forms and floated in the air; the full might of the Magic of Friendship flowing through their veins.
"Are you feeling lucky? Well are ya, punk?"
Tempest couldn't help but gulp and take a few steps back in fear as she realized the huge mistake she had just made.
--------
"You'll ain't gettin' away with this, Ponies!" the diminutive Grubber called from his place behind cell bars. "Th' Storm King's commin', and he's way stronger than Tempest! Yer gonna get your tails handed to ya if you don't let us go!"
"My sister and her friends have taken down Tirek," Shining stated as he finished locking away the enemy forces. "I doubt this 'Storm King' will be too much trouble. You just sit tight until your trial."
Shining walked away, and Grubber shook the bars. "Yeah, you better run! You don' wanna see me when I'm angry! Why I'm gonna-OW!"
Tempest retracted her hoof from atop Grubber's head. "Will you just shut up for once in your aggravating life?" she growled in annoyance. "I'm tempted to rip out your tongue if I don't get some peace and quiet."
Grubber clamped his hands over his mouth and silenced himself.
--------
Back at the party, Twilight looked over a map of Equestria with the other Princesses.
"If we leave now, we can get to my castle in a few hours," Twilight said; her mind formulating a plan. "When we get there, I could possibly use it's magic to generate a shield large enough to at least make travel to Canterlot difficult. I'll need a bit of help, but it's hypothetically possible."
"That sounds like an excellent plan, Twilight," Princess Celestia complimented. "You have such a brilliant mind."
"Don't patronize me, Celestia," Twilight grumbled. "After we deal with this 'Storm King' issue, you and I are going to be having a long talk about keeping me in the loop about potential threats to Equestria. What good are 'the greatest defense of the country' if we don't have time to plan any such defense before we're needed?"
"W-well, I..." Celestia grinned nervously and rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. "I-I just didn't want you to worry...? Y-yes! That's it! I didn't want to bother you with worrying and distract you from having fun! Y-you know how you get when you worry!"
"Celestia, I love you," Twilight sighed. "You've been like a second mother to me, and I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for you. But you're a worse liar than Applejack, and there are times when I feel like you're a rather incompetent leader; especially when disasters pop up on you. If this keeps up, you'd better watch out for me taking your job away."
Celestia broke into nervous laughter, her eyes shifting to look anywhere but at her pupil. "O-oh Twilight! You're such a kidder!"
"Do I look like I'm joking?" Twilight deadpanned. "Just go keep everypony calm while the real caretakers of Equestria prepare to repel invasion." With that she got up and walked away, leaving behind a depressed Sunbutt.
"Luna? Cady?" she whined at her fellow Alicorns. "A-am I really a bad Princess?"
Cadence decided checking on her daughter would be far safer than sticking around for the waterworks, and Luna wrapped a wing around her sister.
"Well, Tia," the night princess began. "You're not exactly the best military leader. B-but you're great at leading in peaceful times!"
Celestia groaned and broke down; her tears coming out in Pinkie-style comical waterfalls. "M-my student is growing up so fast and leaving me in the duu-huust!" she sobbed. "I-I don't know whether to be h-happy or saaa-haaad!!"
Luna put up a shield to keep her face from getting wet as she rubbed her sister's back; wishing someone else could have this responsibility for once. "There there, Tia," she sighed; knowing it'd be a while before she heard the end of this. "It'll be okay."
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You siad that Celestia is incompetent... Well... She is the strongest thing in Equestria currently, superior to everything in the world, her power surpassing of all the ponies of Equestria combined. That is she. Until her role gets written in the movie. -.-
Liked the fanfic by the way.
8713990
Thanks for the comment!
As for Celestia? Considering how she’s been of little use ever since Season 1, I thought it only natural to address that in some manner. Because think about it:
She was easily bested by Nightmare Moon
She had little to no security for the Elements of Harmony
She got used as a floor mop by Chrysalis
She did absolutely nothing to aid the Crystal Empire and protect against Sombra
She was easily captured by the Everfree vines
She didn’t even try to stop Tirek
She didn’t even know about the incidents with Glimglam
She couldn’t stop a simple snowstorm
She got beaten and captured by Chrysalis again
If she knew, she did absolutely nothing to help stop the Pony of Shadows
And then she got owned by the Storm King’s errand girl.
For an all powerful leader, her track record isn’t that great.
8714090
Everything you said is true. As I mentioned - until her role gets written. This is what her position and power should be, but DHX doesn't think so.
I really see Celestia as the peacemaker and Luna as the battle mare. Lunas answer to most things seems to be " lets get a bigger stick". On the other hand Celestia seems to have the same problem as Superman. Man of steel. world of cardboard.
these stories fit in when Celestia finds a place and time to really cut loose.
"I'll kill you with my tea cup" by Cloud Hop
"Celestia Vs. Garble" by Rambling Writer and
"A world of match sticks". by Vedues
Not to say that your view is wrong or any less valid than others this is just my view. Keep up the good work
B.D.
8824906
I can definitely see that perspective. Getting caught up in the moment, trying to assess how much power is okay to use, and getting defeated before you have time to act.
I would counter with Celestia's age and experience backlog potentially negating any such hesitation, but I can very much understand that point of view. After all, it's given me more stories to add onto the "Read Later" pile. XP
Great work on this, very funny.
Though I may feel I must ask a question,
Was Celestia even aware of the Storm King threat? I mean she's busy running a country and none of the other countries probably told her.
As much as I like Celestia, I wish Celestia would be the one who saved the day, she does wonderful job of ruling Equestria.
Beside, the President runs the country while the Army protects it.
Also Celestia was never told of Startlight or the Pony of Shadows.
8944540
First of all, thank you for enjoying! I'm glad people are still finding my little post-viewing riff entertaining.
To address your concerns about Celestia's portrayal:
The US Military protects the US shores. The President is Commander in Chief of the US Military. When national threats are identified, he's usually kept informed.
Celestia didn't know about the Pony of Shadows because not only did she believe it gone forever, she also didn't know about Twilight's little "rescue mission" until after the fact. I'm honestly surprised she didn't step in. You know, considering her thing is anti-darkness (spreading the sun's light and all).
Celestia didn't know about Starlight because Starlight lived in what we down in Texas like to call "bumf*ck nowhere". Starlight was playing the long game in her own little community far from any Royal Guard outposts. And even though she was brainwashing ponies, the victims willingly submitted to it unbeknownst of Starlight's malicious intent. Even if Celestia had received any reports about "Our Town", there's nothing she could legally do without looking like a tyrant. It'd be like the President cracking down on the Amish just because he didn't like them. They're practicing their beliefs in a non-violent and completely legal way, so there's nothing he can do about it except keep an eye on them.
The Storm King was actively conquering other governmental bodies and was rapidly approaching Equestria. That would constitute a national threat, and as Commander in Chief, Celestia would be informed as soon as possible. She's known about one major invasion, the Changeling Attack during the wedding of Cadence and Shining Armor, and possibly knew about two others; those being the second Changeling Invasion and The Storm King's conquest.
She probably told Luna, maybe hinted something to Cadence, but she never told Twilight about any of these. As the Champion of Magic, Twilight is part of Equestria's greatest defense against those who would do it harm. Why she'd be kept out of the loop is more a failing on the writer's part that I like to make fun of, because there's no logical reason for Celestia to hide this from Twilight.
I hope this addressed your concerns adequately!
8944605
You make a good point. Also,
I wonder why Twilight and Friend didn't ask Celestia, Luna or Discord for help with the Pony of Shadow.
8945202
I mean, it did turn out to be one heckova friendship mission, so there's that.
Later in the Storm King's throne room...
"Your majesty, I have news about Tempest's assault on Equestria."
"So the kingdom is under my control already? Gotta give that pony a promotion."
"Uh...actually, the entire invasion force was defeated and Tempest and the others have been captured."
"SAY WHAT?!"
"It's the truth, sir."
"Fine, then forget about the stupid pony land! Why do you say we go conquer the penguins or something instead? Oh, and find me a new second in command pronto!"
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
....ow.....ow...my sides...hurt...pain...cab't breathe...ow.....hahaha...ow...
...h...hang on....b..be...back...hahaha....
*fifteen minutes later*
Owwwwwww....my sides. Wow. That was too funny. Just too funny. Totally made my day! Lol.
8944605
In regards to the Starlight thing yeah pretty much, although a better comparison of how well just being in the middle of nowhere /works/ would be the "old believers" in what is now Russia. You see, Stalin was very anti-theism in any form, as it "detracted from the glory of the state." as such he took great pains to stamp out religion even going so far as to change the trinity from "the father, the son, and the holy spirit" to "Marx, Lenin, and Stalin." For fear of persecution those still adhering to the Eastern Orthodox Christian church simply packed their bags up and wandered into the frozen desert known as Siberia (ya know, the Eastern 2/3rds of Russia's Landmass). /to this day/ Russians are still /finding/ these communities, who've had no outside contact since then.
Just some fun history facts especially considering that if Celestia /knew/ about Starlight and didn't care about being seen as a tyrant (or managed to sway the populace into doing something) there's still a pretty good chance she wouldn't know /where/ the village was. As I never actually watched that far into the show i can't say whether or not a letter to Celestia went out between Twilight discovering the village and the mane 6 going there but still. Food for thought.
9199659
I'd like to think that Twilight informed Celestia and Luna about Our Town, but by that point Starlight had run off and gone into hiding. The only reason the residents of Our Town stayed is because (at least it's so implied) they have nowhere else to go. And I'm sure Celestia had someone talk to them about getting some emergency response outposts installed nearby and all that other stuff.
8714090
Lest we forget, she holds the positions of "wise ruler", "authority figure", "motherly figure", "older mentor to the main character" and "adult character in a children's show". Ergo she was doomed to fail from the beginning, at least on-screen. However, let us consider that for a thousand years it has been Celestia alone protecting and running Equestria. Equestria still stands, seems to be one of - if not the - most powerful and prosperous nation in the world as we know it so far. Its citizens are generally happy and free to live their lives as they please, wanting for little or nothing.
So unless all these terrible things only ever began to happen after Twilight was born, then without Luna as backup, or the Elements of Harmony, Celestia has put down the EoH-level threats herself, by her lonesome (no Pillars, either), while managing the world's most successful country, and looking after the health of the planet through maintaining the two-alicorn job of controlling the heavens.
Regardless of tropes and children's show writing, unless we're shown data completely contrary to everything I've said (which would invalidate current canon) then, this is the most plausible and likely truth with our current knowledge. If she were incompetent, Equestria wouldn't exist, Twilight never would have been born, and honestly by now the planet would probably be dead.
9199728
I never said she was incompetent at running the country. I said she was incompetent at leading the country in times of crises; at least as far as we've seen on-screen.
The real problem with Celestia's role in MLP is that as depicted onscreen, she shouldn't have been able to keep Equestria intact past the very first crisis to come along. She's basically depicted as incompetent at anything outside routine administration.
Celestia can't possibly really be as completely clueless in a crisis as she appears in the show, because if she was, the nation would be long gone thanks to her regular epic level blunders.
I guess it's just a matter of poor writing.
9199787
I've never been shy in admitting that the official writing team has relied rather heavily on multiple crutches (the most prominent one making everyone gullible just to get the moral to work), which is especially prevalent in later seasons (latter half of 6 and onward).
Celestia's role as a Princess is less like a ruler and more of a president. She's a great administrator. Crime is at an all time low, unemployment isn't a real issue, nobody really wants for anything. But, in terms of combat? Well...she's not the best Commander-in-Chief. And she's rather rusty when it comes to doing the fighting herself.
Mostly, the trope of the "all-powerful dumbass" is a common one in shows that feature any amount of action. Why?
The answer is simple: none of them were the main character.
Say all you want about the "Mane Six", but we all know that Twilight is the main character. As such, it's required by tradition and lazy writing that she be the one to save the day; not the more experienced Princess Celestia.
Honestly, if discord had been mentioned, I bet at least tempest would have backed down. The storm kind wouldn’t but tempest most likely would have.
9199852
At least the comics have her shine more than the show. Queen Chrysalis' first defeat and imprisonment in a volcano for 1000 years, fighting off an army of giant cockatrice monsters with Spike helping and a few others things I might've missed as I haven't seen all the comics after the Dark Water thing started.
Honestly sometimes it feels like the only thing Celestia has been "protecting" for the last 1000 years is the castle pantry.
9200754
That...that sounds pretty freakin' metal! I gotta get the Omnibuses when I can find them.
9200980
9199852
Also, Ceslestia is weak because of the Worf Effect a lot of the time, I think.
9201387
Guess that explains the Chrysalis fight at the wedding.
9228862
*nods* Explains a lot. Unfortunately, it seems that it's time for some of the Mane ponies to be affected by this, too.
9228901
Starting with the strongest too I suppose.
9228911
Maybe, maybe not. Depends on who you consider the strongest. Spoilers for season 8 finale.
9228933
Metaphorically or magical physically.
9228968
Magical.
9229339
Well that was a statement but yeah I'd have to agree there.
9229709
Oh, it was a statement? Anyway, what I meant is that (slight spoilers) the Worf Effect started on magically powerful characters in regards to the Mane ponies, though that also holds true for Celestia.
Also, if we're talking about which is the most powerful power of the three (aka meta powers, magical powers, or physical powers), I'd say that it depends.
In a random comedy fic, meta powers are the way to go. In a serious fic, all three have some sort of balance, though usually nopony other than Pinkie has meta powers in the first place (in fact, that may well be the balance, since meta powers can be OP). A common example would be ranged magic vs physical strength; at long range, an earth pony would be screwed over by a unicorn, while the opposite holds true for close quarters combat.
Unless you're Twilight Sparkle and who cares if they get close because you have short-range spells and teleportation at your beck and call.
9230448
Well I didn't really count Pinkie because she's far from violent as you can get.
9230586
*shrugs* In canon.
9231511
Well true. There's still Cupcakes and beyond.
9199852
1. To build Luke up and then train him as a being his father would have problems with putting down along with way too many reasons to list.
2. Because it would still count as being in his possession and such a construct would simply give him the ring If he asked. Whereas a Hobbit willing to carry it who as a race are known for their innocence/purity in most cases would not only have resistance to the ring but don't have anyone they absolutely have to answer to.
3. There is a reason and logic to it especially if you think of it in a religious sense.... Doesn't make it any less stupid though.
4. After rereading it the series a while back, his ego amongst several other issues and flaws he has which he admits shortly before he dies.
9199787
That's actually been somewhat explained as it was stated several times that Equestria had approximately 1000 years of peace before recent events. For every event beforehand her sister was there to help. The comics are slightly contradictory on this because they brought up that fact as well only to contradict it in one case I'm aware of. For the most part Celestia never had to deal with any major issue during her solo rule. Also everytime she was useless there was a reason that made sense; Chrissy usually wins through tactics and subterfuge that ponies tend to suck at with abilities they can't counter, Tirek's unique abilities automatically make him a bane, Nightmare moon required the use of EoH (which she was no longer qualified to use) unless she wanted a possibly lethal fight with her, Discord also required the EoH, Tempest Shadow had the proper tools to capture Alicorns along with the skills and ability to use them without hesitation while being an unknown wildcard to them and was in my opinion one of the least questionable things about the movie.
9327849
There's also the fact that Dumblebutt acknowledges he knew the Dursleys were abusive, and that Harry would more than likely see him as a 'saviour' and a 'kindly grandfather' figure, which is why the old man refers to Mr. Potter as "Harry, my boy" instead of "Mr. Potter", unlike every other student. Despite being Chief Warlock, the head of the Wizengamot, he also never pushed for Sirius's trial - because that would upset his plans for the boy.
True, Dumbledore only managed to confirm Riddle's horcruxes' existence when Harry brought him the diary, but in the first war his side almost lost due to his nonlethal approach. There's also how Dumbledore set up the traps for Quirrel, yet only protected the entrance - Fluffy's room, that contains a dangerous cerberus - with a simple, Alohomora-weak lock, then announced its dangers to every single student at the beginning of the school year - all but ensuring adventurous and risk-taking students would adventure inside. Wouldn't St. Mungos have had some mandrake potion, which would've allowed petrified students to recover almost instantly, thereby not wasting several weeks to several months of (presumably expensive) school education? Why didn't he do anything about Harry's - or Luna's - getting bullied, which occurred near-constantly for the girl and in Second Year and Fifth Year for the boy?
Why was Remus Lupin the only werewolf student? Surely more than just a singular one would be worthy of such an education, yet it's only Remus. Why is Snape allowed to be so callous and petty? In a non-magical school, a single hint of this kind of behaviour would've seen him put on suspension then fired very quickly. Why employ a ghost who puts students to sleep and a drunkard of a Divination teacher? Why couldn't he tell the difference between an apparent long-time close friend and an imposter? Why kidnap people for the Second Task, when the clue referred to "it" instead of "they"?
This was when Tempest knew, she bucked up. BADLY.
This was a delightful read, the humor of the whole situation was great. Thanks!
9526036
I'm glad I could entertain you!
9526063
Pfft. Pleasure is mine
9327849
Also Discord is just more powerful than the Alicorns.
Y'know, funny enough, I actually posted a story with a similar premise earlier this year.
- MLP: FiM
- MLP: Movie
- Comedy
- Random
Sometimes pony movies don't finish the way we'd like. (A HISHE Parody)What're the odds?
9773796
Huh. Was that before you discovered mine? Because mine was more reactionary than pure parody.
9199073
Agreed, ever since i saw the movie i've needed to hear her say that. Even if it's only in fanfiction.
Yeah, the movie's writing doesn't have issues so much as subscriptions. I believe work started on it around Season 4 or 5, which would explain some, though not all, of the missing Equestrian assets. The rest can only be blamed on the principle of "Well, we have to have a conflict somehow."
Still, at least we didn't get another "CG cartoon characters come to the live-action real world and wacky shenanigans ensue!" movie. That was actually on the table at one point.
Yup, King Ray Donovan is BUCKED.
A pretty funny read.
Honestly another iffy thing from the movie was how Tempest was so freaking reckless by turning Luna to stone while she was FLYING.
I am not sure if that's true or not but I don't want to check due to I can't stand that scene of where Luna got badly shafted by the writers in the movie there. But if it is true, Tempest would have been in huge trouble if Luna got statued in mid-air and Twilight didn't caught her in time, pretty sure you can't get Luna's magic if she's shattered to bits and dead. The scene just screams the writers pulling all the stops to ensure ALL the princesses gets shafted due to not being Twilight "chosen one" Sparkle.. I want to love the movie but the Royal Sisters getting badly shafted like that(it really stung more for Luna's case) made it hard to fully love the move..
Another small iffy issue in the movie is Celestia is basically a hypocrite when she turned down Twilight's idea at the near beginning of the movie. Since she was willing to disrupt order of a bit by raising the sun at LUNA'S NIGHT for the sake of her play in Horse Play. Not only that play provides hard proof that Luna is still not equally appreciated as Celestia but the fact Celestia was willing to break the rules like that for her own play is just.. bleh.
About Twilight mentioning about taking Celestia's job, sadly you predicted season 9 with the Royal Sisters deciding to retire and give up their freaking thrones, sun/moon, their destinies to Twilight. Even though Luna didn't get to rule near as long as Celestia did, really didn't get to rule for much long since her return nor getting to enjoy her destiny of raising the moon(which got overshadowed by Celestia raising it for a 1000 years) and dreamguarding for much long. And the fact it still felt like she's still in Celestia's shadow and the fact she actually never got to save Equestria not even once from an actual threat in the show(not counting the Tantabus since it was sadly caused by her), since her return from the moon the writers kept having her fall flat on her face or just not get to be involved.. And doesn't help that apparently the sisters would go from majestic pricesses to.. just someone living with a bunch of freaking old wrinkly ponies(Silver Shoals), effectively nerfted now due to the writers confirmed they gave up their powers over the sun/moon(despite Luna didn't get to raise the moon for much long) to Twilight and the fact they got a crappy sendoff from the finale.. It really made the retirement bit much worse for me.
Luna really got the short end of the stick compared to Celestia here.
Sorry about the um.. rant thing..
Okay, who let Twilight Sparkle watch either Die Hard or Dirty Harry?
11614075
*sheepishly raises had* i... i uh thought it would be funny at the time teehee
11640382
Ugh… use your head for something other than a hat rack and think next time…
11640406
Srry but nope i love my hatrack it was super affordable
This was a 100 times better than the actual movie. Though the comedic crying at the end of the story was odd.