Princess twilight and Princess Celestia make tempest twilights personal guard but tempest thinks she is helpless and pathetic and that princess twilight is doing this out the of petty of her broken horn so she vowed to make herself worthy of the title but what tempest doesn’t know is that there’s a surprise awaiting her.
Thanks for B-25 and Tempest_Flare for proofreading my story.
This story is inspired by from lost to love by The Abyss
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This has got a lot of potential and I am enjoying the story, However
You need to use commas and full stops more frequently. Pretty much every sentence goes on too long and needs to be broken up,
Please find a proof reader. With a general tidy up this could be a very good story.
I will add it to my read later, I hope to see more in the future.
8726248
In fairness you could argue that every fic on this site stole ideas from Hasbro but each to their own. Everyone has to start somewhere.
8726260
It's not about Hasbro. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/389478/from-lost-to-loved
Read the first couple chapters of this.
8726662 Ill take your word for it. That is sitting in my read later list, Im waiting for it to be complete before I read it.
I'M suprised that Spike is hating her.
This went really fast from " feel so nervous to I'm in love. This looked a bit odd because of that even if I like the shipping.
a nice start, but maybe you want to use alternate universe as a tag?, because of the Dragon. For some reason it suprised me.
Don't know if you have but I was a little bit suprised and who is the pink unicorn?
a bad choice in my opinion.
1. I hope she didn't made any new friends in those three months, since I like to see the important friendships or first friendships a character males.
2. I hope Twilight and Tempest aren't already dating, I want to see her asking Tempest too.
3. I hate big timeskips
1. he is mad, then at breakfast he doesn't care and now he hates her again.
I can only say that I disliked the part where Twilights POV started, I guess it feels like stuff just happens for no reason and rather fast.
I'm honestly suprised that Tempest was that affraid, I nearly thought we had some sort of acient monster villain there and not her.
I can't say much right now, I don't exactly remember much at the moment.
9084735
Even the strongest of people or ponies in this case have there weakest points.
9086019
That can be, but I was honestly suprised that it was Chrysalis who made her this frighten, I mean does she hate bugs, or did her mother told her horror stories about the Changeling Queen as a foal?
Maybe it was the suprise attack, but I think I searched for a reason why she was so much scarier than everything else she did so far.
edit: I honestly can't explain to you why I got that thought, because normally I'm happy if Chrysalis looks good in a story.
Question, are you still working on this? I hope you are.
Please update!!