From the Rooftops

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FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #1 · Jan 8th, 2018 · 1 · · Chapter 1: Foal ·

Kind of heavy on the scene-setting and expository digressions, even for you. Still, definitely looking forward to seeing where you go with this and what fate will befall the Stones.

(Also, the only thing that bothers me about this model of pregnancy in Equestria is that they still call them trimesters even though there are four of them.)

Jordan179

Jordan179 #2 · Jan 8th, 2018 · · · Chapter 1: Foal ·

8656641

Yeah, you're right. Probably bogs things down with too much lead-in to the chapter climax of Rooftop's difficult birth. And I did a lot of telling rather than showing of Beryl's (mostly nasty and selfish) character. I think I got more genuine characterization in a few lines of her profanity-laden comments than in all those long Victorianate paragraphs.

Sigh.

Hmm. "Trimensals?"

TitaniumTao

TitaniumTao #3 · Jan 9th, 2018 · · · Chapter 1: Foal ·

8656641
It could still be broken in to three for trimesters, if they broke it down into three months and two weeks for each. After all birth is not exact. And interesting into, but not much to say other then that due to this is all but set up. If she was a changling she would have gained so much info from pillow talk alone.

Jordan179

Jordan179 #4 · Jan 10th, 2018 · · · Chapter 1: Foal ·

8657443

This is the Gulf Rebellion War, YOH 1447-51, rather than the Great Changeling War, YOH 1513-15. And Beryl's not a Changeling.

Chrysalis did have a fearsomely effective intelligence service during the GCW. It was somewhat limited by the availability of Shift Detectors (devices that could warn of the presence of a Shifted Changeling) but those devices in turn had their own limitations, and couldn't be deployed in sufficient numbers to be everywhere.

TitaniumTao

TitaniumTao #5 · Jan 10th, 2018 · · · Chapter 1: Foal ·

8660041
Yeah, I know it's not the changeling war. It was mostly a comment on the lack of information security. Heck if Beryl Stone was a ally of the gulf rebels the same problem would exist, somewhat sensitive information getting out to foes of the state. I have a relative who works in The Pentagon, who told me a little about the anti-spy talk they had when they started to work there. And one of the key points was they do not talk about what they are doing at work.

Jordan179

Jordan179 #6 · Jan 10th, 2018 · · · Chapter 1: Foal ·

8660782

Heh heh ... One of the other members of the Girl Posse had been a Southern spy. Who collected information in just that manner.

Bloody_Tofu

Bloody_Tofu #7 · Feb 5th, 2018 · · · Chapter 1: Foal ·

Huh so far I’m liking this wrighting style and I’m intreagued enough to track.

No idea why this has so many down votes. Looking forward to the second chapter,

Jordan179

Jordan179 #8 · Feb 14th, 2018 · · · Chapter 1: Foal ·

8734022

Allowing early but forbidding late-term abortions is fairly common in the reproductive legislation of our world, too. The idea is to avoid killing fetuses who are sufficiently-developed for sentience and to possible survival as preemies.

Equestrian doctors cannot predict who will grow up to be happy and who unhappy, anymore than can ours.

fausticornrules