Writer, Star Wars fan, and Owl enthusiast.
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In the midst of Order 66, Jedi Knight Kaleb Taymar is transported to Equestria. Starting a new life, he finds friendship and solace with the Main 6. However, the Force has awakened in Equestria, and their lives will never be the same.
PLEASE LOOK BEFORE READING: The tag for suicide only applies to chapter 9. There is no attempt shown on the page but suicidal thoughts are referenced a few times.
Chapter 2 and onward edited by Mine Menace
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Hey, this was pretty good! This really satisfied a certain Star Wars itch I've been having lately, so thanks for that. :)
Not bad. The pacing was kinda fast and there were a few mechanical errors, not to mention the portal came out of nowhere without any explanation, but for what it is, it's pretty good.
If you want an editor or someone to look over your chapters before publishing them or something, I'll volunteer, just because I think having an editor is a pretty good idea. It might especially help for this genre since the whole Human in Equestria thing is old and has been used often, but if you don't want an editor, that's perfectly fine. In any case, I'll be tracking this to see where it goes.
I am the senate.
i like the concept
Awesome!
I like Star wars
This is intriguing so far. Good concept and well executed. Keep it up
When is The next update?
8665841
It should be up within the next week.
8665855
Cool👍
Awesome!
When will you make the next chapter?!
nice
8679128
Hopefully in the next few weeks. My goal is to have a more consistent writing schedule for this year, so chapters will uploaded every three to four weeks.
8679413
oh
8679413
thanks for the heads up
this is good,can't wait for the next chapter.
however, a piece of advice the ponies and twilight never call Celestia by her name itself. it's always either Princess Celestia or Princess.
8679527
I'm glad you're enjoying it. Thanks for the advice!
"FIRE IN THE DOUGHNUT HOLE!!" made me laugh so hard I spit out the beer that I was drinking as I was reading this chapter. Thankfully none of it landed on my laptop. I can picture if it had been Homer Simpson there with Twilight, and Pinkie, rather than Kaleb. as soon as Pinkie mentioned doughnuts, Homer would have said "Mmmm Doughnuts!", and started drooling like a Saint Bernard! Lol
8680320
Donuts... is there anything they can't do? 🍩
8680487 Nope! ;-)
Awesome!
enjoying this story but i dont recall getting notified about a new chapter, kind of strange, maybe its me lol
I've enjoyed this fic immensely, please continue!
Most good fics are a dying breed, and I would hate to see the same happen to this.
You'll get more readers in time, this is a fairly new fic after all.
Ya got me hooked, I'm liking it so far!
Interesting concept, imo tad rushed, but still an interesting story.
Awesome
Awesome!
I enjoy this gala chapter. May the force set you free.
Of course he would fall to the dark side.
He does not understand what most masters learn.
That they all have darkness in them and must learn to accept it.
Not use it but accept that the have it and can not get rid of it.
8957984
Yea it just best to never pick a side, but know that you're still a person above else that wields the force.
Whoa
That was a good chapter,
it really did capture what would be in a former Jedi padawan's mind involving the Clone Wars, (I bet these are the same thoughts that went through Kanan's mind when he went into hiding himself)
And this chapter will help me out with my own star Wars story involving the part where my Jedi tells about Order 66 and The Great Jedi Purge.
Awesome
Awesome
This was a beautiful chapter and the tender moments with Fluttershy and Kaleb were so beautiful
unfournately i am unfamiliar with the trumpeter reference, good chapter tho
9086752
Thank you! The trumpeter is
Miles Davis, who appears in Scrooged when Bill Murrary's character is walking on the sidewalk.
I hope the voice that spoke to Sweetie Belle isn't bad
Chapter one felt genuinely like a Star Wars novel written in the time period of the clone wars. This second chapter feels much more rushed and even forced. For example thier is no language barrier at all between kaleb and the ponies. Celestia and Luna seem to almost automatically trust this new stranger even though they know nothing about him. I feel you could have written several chapters of the ponies and him slowly learning about each other before leaping to kaleb having dinner with the princesses and being assigned to Ponyville.
9330084
True. This is my first fanfiction, and I was still trying to find the voice and tone of the story for the first few chapters. There is a reason why there is no language barrier, but that would be a spoiler for future sequels that I'm planning to do. Luna and Celestia did have safeguards in place in case Kaleb turned out to be a bad person, but they would have wanted to give him a fair chance. He's still very young compared to them, and I think that they could tell that he was just a teenager in some ways that was scared about what happened. Chapter 6 was where I found a good balance in tone and structure, so it starts to pick up from there. I appreciate the critique, and thank you for reading.
9329778
I can assure you that it's not. I'm not going to give away whose voice it was for possible story/sequel reasons, but I can tell you that this was the same voice that spoke to Rey when she found Luke's lightsaber.
9330639
Okay that's good to know, and I will say this story of yours is a big help for my own story: "Jedi Knight in Equestria" (in lines of most things related to the Jedi)
Awesome!
Gonna be honest here... I'm quite a bit confused. First, he's supposed to have arrived by 8 in the morning. I can buy a two hour train trip from canterlot to Ponyville, assuming a 59-60 mph passenger train... it would put ponyville approximately 120 miles away or less (though if this is more in line with old civil-war era steam trains you're looking at 15-20 mph which would then put ponyville anywhere from 30-40 miles away... far more believable.) But I wasn't actually able to easily keep track of how the time progressed after that. They had breakfast, which I can understand could be about 30 minutes... sixty if you're being super casual. Then went to sweet apple acres, never seems to take too long so I imagine the town itself not being all that big. (about 30-60 mins for a trip) That would appear to put the story to about 9AM-10AM, they talk with AJ for a while then with Dash before heading on to the Boutique and Sugarcube Corner (Again, about 20-40 mins walk, possibly less) which at least for me puts the events happening at the bakery right around lunchtime. Then the story seems to immediately shift to dinner and needing to go to bed.
To me, it just wasn't all that clear. There's also the fact that it seems Zecora and the princesses are humanoid while the rest of the ponies are not, since they still refer to things like "lending a hoof" instead of "lending a hand" or bucking apples with their "Back Hooves" instead of just with their hooves since an anthro pony would only have one pair of hooves and a pair of hands for human-like object manipulation.
I do like the idea of the story, it's mostly just the little things that keep nagging at me which continue to cause me to lose focus with the story.
9347195
Thank you for pointing that out! There are no anthro ponies in this story so I will fix that as soon as I can. With the time of events, I've always imagined the journey from Canterlot to Ponyville taking about 3 hours. Kaleb left Canterlot at 8:00 and arrived around 11:00-11:15. MLP has kind of used a mixture of technology from different eras, so I imagined that the Friendship Express would be a steam powered train from the mid to late 1800s.
There's a lot of downtime between Sugarcube Corner and dinner with Twilight and Spike and in retrospect I probably should have clarified that in the chapter.
I thought Kaleb was that bad guy from The Force Awakens.
9330084 I can attribute Kaleb being able to understand Celly and Luna due to a translation spell or Equiish sounding similar to one of the languages that he knows. I can say it sounds much different from Huttese, though.
I can see Sweetie Belle being Kaleb's Padawan.
9431231
Not quite, that would be Kylo Ren. Completely different character. Though, I guess that Kaleb would have some similarities with Matt the radar technician.
9436305
The language that Kaleb is speaking is nearly identical to Equiish, with just a few minor differences in terms of popular expressions.