- Member Since 21st Jan, 2016
- offline last seen Last Wednesday
Shortmane
Casual pony fan who's been meaning to write something down for way too long. I love friend-shipping, Rarijack, and gardening. Avatar by Toodles3702
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- Toriandthehorse · 17k words · 35 3 · 1.3k views
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Oh bouncing bubbly baby Jesus giggling in a powder blue carriage, would folks just let this au die!
i don't wanna be a dick mate, write what you want... but did this alt really have to be the one?
8431172
)
I mean, honestly- same?
I hate the Fall of Equestria AU - it's crap. This story is my reaction to it, and yeah, I probably could have just let it pass and moved on (aka the smart thing to do) but I actually became fascinated to how characters would actually react and fight back.
It probably doesn't seem like it, based on the first chapter, but the goal is actually that it's a hopeful, if bittersweet fic.
But yeah- totally valid opinion!
(also, top knotch exclamation there
I'm curious about how this will play out.
In the canon setting of Fall of Equestria, Rainbow, Spitfire and Lightning Dust are all owned by Soarin. Here we haven't seen any sign of Rainbow as yet.
I'm honestly not sure how to feel about Spitfire here. I mean, I can get what she's doing, she doesn't want to risk her operation falling apart by Lightning getting caught, and subsequently, having more scrutiny placed on Soarin for his inability to keep a track of his slaves.
But at the same time, does she really have the right to keep Lightning Dust from running. Does she have the right to stop her from killing herself if she truly wants an escape from this version of Equestria? Especially as, there doesn't appear to be any real plan in place here beside wishful thinking that if Soarin can get enough black collars together they can somehow do something to stop all this.
Plus we don't get a large look at Soarin here. How he isn't affected like the other stallions, or what he thinks about Spitfire's idea.
All in all, I am intrigued to see how this progresses.
Honestly, this story isn't too good. The idea is overplayed, boring, and in my personal opinion, disgusting and awful. The Fall of Equestria universe seems to be an horrendous, pointless idea that seems to fuel sick fantasies rather than tell a good story. While I will admit the writing in this one is fine, and actually good in some parts, it's boring. It is the same, 'Species took over Equestria, enslaved the mares, and now the stallions own them' story that has the same exact plot as every other one. I can already guess that Soarin will eventually have sex with Lightning to avoid blowing their cover, or something equivalent to that. Either way, it is unoriginal. Along with this, I am confused as to why any of the characters would act like that. Spitfire surely wouldn't survive in this universe as she is too strong and a threat with being such an influence on ponies, and Soarin is a down-to-Earth pony who would either die early on or become a submissive character, but not actively participating. I could be wrong, and all characters can be interpreted in many ways, but this just doesn't seem realistic to happen.
On the plus side, I didn't run into any grammatical mistakes, and the writing doesn't get repetitive which is a common issue in other fanfics.
Overall, a boring yet well-written story of an alternate universe that is designed purely for grotesque fetishes that masquerades as a decent plotline, and fails in every way.
Plot - 5.8
Story - 6.9
Smut - N/A
Overall - 12.7/20
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The Spitfire thing? It's not so black and white, and you'll see snippets of it in coming chapters, but she's basically trying to do the best she can in a shitty, confusing situation.
As for Soarin? There's definitely something going on there... this story strays from the Fall 'canon' (what little there is) and I'm looking forward to dealing with his issues soon, too.
Glad you're giving it a try
(honestly- this comment made me really happy, so- thanks!)
The premise seems interesting, but making the story with non-anthro ponies feels like it losses something.
8431844
Thanks for the review! Even if it wasn't quite up to your standards, although honestly a lot of it felt like it was directed at the universe it takes place in rather than the story/plot/characters, but that's fair enough- it is a really horrific universe.
Funny thing is I agree with everything you're saying... that's why I'm writing this story. Because I think the Fall of Equestria thing is overdone, lazy, and gross, and I wanted to do better and, yeah, write something a bit more original.
Anyway... at least the writing was good!
Appreciate it :)
Damn I like this.
You can see the different perspectives in the three characters here and how the fall has changed them. I am very interested to see where things go now
I agree with Pontiac56, you deploy the characters very well, eager to see how it will go.
Well, welcome to the club, I also struggle very often with my chapters. You really showed that Hope can still exist in the darkest times. This may sound wrong but the stallions, they have no longer control over themselves. They got corrupted by the invaders. I'm sure that Lighting Dust's friend would never forgive himself once freed and realizing what he had done to her.
Well this being the first time I have reviewed a story on this site, I am sorry if my thoughts end up a little muddled. The truth is I have never found a reason to comment on any story, at least as far as the mlp fanfic community is concerned. But I felt this one was an exception.
I recently stumbled upon the Fall Of Equestrian community and the concept intrigued me. I love watching my favorite characters get broken down, beaten and tortured both physically and mentally. However this wavers on the assumption that they get built back up from the ashes. To overcome, and if not become better then to at least find some light in which to move forward past the trials they faced. That is what I was hopping out of the FOE. Instead I found a train wreak full of stories that just seem to destroy without creating anything of value. Yours was the only story that really stood out, and that might have just been because of the cover pic. So in the library it went waiting for some more chapters to come out, because frankly I wasn’t expecting much from it.
That was until I decided to check it out earlier today, and was I pleasantly surprised. It did take until the third chapter for me to truly understand the mood you were going for, but now I can happily say. THANK YOU! If the follow through is what I am expecting (after reading snippets from your blog), then I can happily say this is the story I was hoping for from the FOE community.
What you are doing by making this story embodies one of my favorite things about fanfiction . If you don’t like an idea a character or a concept, don’t waste your time complaining or making a story that just bashes it and accomplishes nothing. Instead take the idea and create something from it. Make it better. That’s what I feel this story will accomplish. Taking a dumpster fire of a concept and expanding on it. Making its characters, the world and the actions that take place within it feel real and tangible. Your three chapters accomplished more than the entire collection of stories in the FOE community. I care about what’s happening. I want to see these characters face the trials that come from the horrendous situations this story presents, then rise above them. So thank you!
I honestly think you are fighting an uphill slope as far as approval for this story goes. I would imagine most wouldn’t look past the community this story comes from, but I’m sincerely glad I did. I truly hope that easily disapproval doesn’t stop this story from reaching its potential. Cream always rises to the top and I will Loyally follow this story as it gets there.
Just found and read this story. I really like this, please keep it going!
Just checking in, please don't let this story die!
the following?
8993346
Been a long time, but I think I'm finally close to getting the next chapter up! It's been almost all written for a while, just got a bit stuck in a few places and I ended up jumping fandoms for a while... but hoping to get the next chapter out soon (and the one after is also very close!)
9000422
OH!!! cool :D take your time!
you will not continue? I insist too much (i know)
I'm loving this, the first fall of Equestria story that doesn't make me want to erase the experience from my brain.
Plz continue these.
*Looks over the dislike bar*
quotesbae.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Funny-best-feeling-salty-meme-image.jpg
9000422
Hey it's been one year that you say the chapter is done
9781874
Oh wow... shit, has it really
I've had it open in my Word doc for that entire year, then. Made... some progress.
Thank you for the reminder! (and that someone is still out there who cares about this crazy fic!)
9782705
hehe i love this fic
Nice to see it's back! It has been so long!
Oh, finally. More good stuff to read and Lightning Dust, Rainbow Dash, and Spitfire are genuinely getting along.
Also, The Resistance.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jP_uUkBfCM4
Yay! Thank you for bringing this back!
10138999
Nice to be be back
10139408
Indeed!
10139086
Yep! Things are looking up! At least until they don't... next chapter.
But for real, having them just interact and become friends is a huge part of this fic that I love, and after the next few chapters, it'll be Soarin's turn.
Glad to see an update here. I was very interested in seeing where this would go. I look forward to seeing how you go about this dark adventure.
Stay safe out there.
Черт это действительно хорошо. Мне очевидно очень жаль, что эта работа на паузе. У нее нереальный потенциал
Damn this is really good. I'm obviously very sorry that this job is on pause. It has unrealistic potential
Don't forget about us over here! Still hoping for more updates!
Please update! Please, please, please, please, please, please, PLEASE!!!!!! Don’t stop on this story. It’s really awesome!
10139414
Вы почти убедили меня, что допишите её
You have almost convinced me that you will finish it
I don't know why this story doesn't have more likes. I have really enjoyed it so far! Still hoping it will get updated again sometime!!