Babs comes over for a sleepover with Apple Bloom and Applejack and the three couldn't be more excited! Shenanigans ensue and crazy stories are told and a wild game of hide and seek takes the entire night. Enjoy!
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 3rd Jul, 2017
- offline last seen Tuesday
Creativa-Artly01
Epileptic-autistic eldest of four, artist, creative, and horse crazy girl who is obsessed with entertainment media and history among other things.
Creativa-Artly01
Joined 3rd Jul, 2017 ·
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A lot of things happened since the two of them hung out.
This is just a first draft right? I mean its an interesting idea but this feels like a summary
8375556
Yeah, if you want to feel free to expand on it. I personally don't know how to.
8375561
After reading this chapter, I was going to point out the same as Xanderfox, along with a little explanation.
Sorry to butt-in into your conversation like this
So, let's assume this really is a first draft. Now, how to expand it more... I'll take the very first sentence:
I usually try to describe the situation like I was standing there. Imagine yourself standing on the platform. What can you feel, hear, smell or see?
Of course, always try to describe only from the point of the 'interesting senses' - i.e. if you have a character in utter darkness, it'll be pointless to describe what they see. But their hearing and touch, maybe even smell, will be great guides. Just imagine yourself standing in dark room. And this way, you can describe nearly anything. A chamber in fancy pink palace. A frozen ice cave. The insides of a dragon's mouth. A school classroom. Whatever!
It's warm, birds are chirping in the trees among the rustling leaves. The rough boards of the platform creak under every step. The scent of creosote hungs heavy in the air. And so on. Your imagination is the only limit
So, we have somehow described background, now onto the characters. You should somehow convey the idea they are waiting for Babs—telling it to the reader directly is not an option here, that's a quite frowned upon way.
So, you can have the two have a little chat and reveal it. Or there could be a different train arriving and Apple Bloom eagerly running to it, only to find the Manehattan train is delayed. While waiting, they can play some game with AJ, or chat more. Or Apple Bloom can literally walk a circle into the platform. Again, ask yourself what are the possible ways of spending the excess time and let your imagination run free. Similar concept of why's and what if's can be applied to almost any situation. Hope this helps at least a little