Rey22red
Joined 24th Jul, 2017 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Why do the chapters say they updated in August 12th, but it was published today?
I was waiting for the story to be approved, I'm also working on the third chapter now
I can't wait to see what you write next keep up the good work update more soon
8368661
Okay I am working on the next chapter and he won't immediately forgive Celestia and Luna.
Oh god.
Please use commas, I can't even read past the short description without cringing in pain.
A Hour Later
Take a shot every time a sentence begins with "I."
You probably won't live through the fourth paragraph.
I hate to be negative about this, but the only proofread I did was see where it needed to be altered so that you did not make the same mistakes I made.
I understand you have jitters to see where you stand to the viewers. However, preparation and patience is key to a good start.
The fiance thing is a deep cliche to start a story unless you have serious history to go with the first chapter.
As I said before, this should have started with them as friends and developed a relationship before a romance. It brings a steady and stable path to the story.
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-C O M B O B R E A K E R!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10/10 best king
I am very interested to see what you produce. The idea that you have started has received a thumbs up from me. The grammar can use some work but it was not enough of a detraction for me. But a previous reviewer was right the amount of use of " I " was over done. Here are some idea's to help with that.
I think with those you can get a pretty good idea of what you want to say without "I" all the time. By no means am I a grammar nut, but sometimes a second eye or a read out loud review can help avoid some simple mistakes.
8369566
I both agree and disagree with this point. You are absolutely right that for a story like this one would need to have a serious history and backstory to go along with it. But good storytelling can have flashbacks or include conversations that help with the history building (or world building) for things move forward. Think of the movie Memento. or 28 days later.
I both agree and disagree with this once more. You are right that it brings a steady and stable path toward the story. But on the flip side of things if you tell a story with characters that already have history can lead to some compelling character development. learning why the characters are the way they are can be just as enthralling as seeing them develop into the character they are now. It just comes down to a matter of how it happened and how it can be told. Seeing things as they happen or seeing them though memories. Sometimes telling the story through past tense can open up some very interesting twists. but that is indeed my opinion.
I recommend that you should stop explaining about how things will be written in the fic, the ones in the summary, and reach autor message, are useless, and just tells ud you are ver y nervous and dont know what you are doing, the fic explains well the situations, dont need to clarify, by the way, this is an interesting idea, im following.
Love the story
Interesting story so far. Nice start and kind of a tragic history to the protagonist, hope to read more soon.
Please don't Make him be forgiving But a locked away, sealed off Kind of guy. You know always wearing masks and never opening up and then cliche he finds a new girl That helps him Recover, just please don't let it be fluttershy or pinkie pie.
This is a good story so far and I really hope to read more soon so keep up the good and just write the story how u want to write it and ignore any and all hater
This isn't a Displaced..
Ooo edgy name i like it
I don't get it, what he's supposed to be displaced as?
Cliches aplenty. The overuse of "I" was also disgustingly funny.
8/8 trollfic. You almost fooled me, but you tipped your hand a few too many times.
I am sorry no chapters have been posted. I'm trying to work on the new chapter while also doing schoolwork, a year long school project since I'm a senior in high school, Roleplays I do on Google Plus, other fanfictions I have, playing Video games, and trying to make the chapter not in first person.
8579381
Hey no worries we know that it takes time to make good fan fictions and life comes first after all, I like the story so far hope to see more one day
So this is dead then? Pity, I was rather enjoying the premis and wanted to see where it was going to go.
8965089
Well it is being revived now, I lost my phone for a while so I couldn't access Fimfiction or whenever I could access it I wouldn't be able to sign in to my account. And then came the fact that my Xbox-360 was the only thing I could use to access fimfiction and sign in but I didn't like trying to type with it. But now that I have my phone back I can continue to work on the fanfiction and I can fix any problems with the previous chapters, (I'm probably going to have to change the perspective to third person since I don't think I can do a first person perspective because I think someone mentioned before that I use I too much.
I am rewriting the old chapters, redo them one at a time to put them in third person. I will also probably lengthen them to have some more detail in them.
Can't wait to read the next chapter hope it all goes well
I can’t wait for more it’s a great story so far
Plz update
9008847
Do you plan on making an update for this soon?
10080783
A update would be appreciated
Plz update
Plz continue this story it do good I don’t want it to die
Any updates?