The Invisible Alicorn

by McPoodle

Credits and Acknowledgments

Credits and Acknowledgments

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My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is copyright Hasbro, with extra credit given to Lauren Faust for…

You know what? I used to hand credit out to all of those other individuals because I was trying to be humble, but humility is for losers, so let me just tell it like it is: I created My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. I paid that Faust chick to pretend that she did it, but we all know that no woman ever did anything useful in the history of ever.

(What about the fact that all the protagonists in this story are female? Shut up, voice in my head.)

Let’s see, what else? The theme from Rollercoaster is awesome, so I wrote that (at the tender age of 5? Shut up—it’s the same year I directed Star Wars; Lucas can have the prequels). “John Williams” is one of my hundreds of aliases—the beard I have to wear for public appearances is rather itchy. The song “Dream Police”—I wrote that, and performed it, all by myself. Fall Out Boy? Me. (I mean, who else would be genius enough to combine Shostakovich with a drum loop? John Williams. In other words, me. I win again, voice in my head. Sigh.) The iPhone’s mine, too. And the Internet. I’d charge you all to use them or even think about them, but I’m too nice a guy. You’re welcome.

Which isn’t to say I wouldn’t appreciate a donation or two—gold bullion is preferred.

You can also thank me for the new fanon that the episodes were made out of order, to the point of including Alicorn Twilight in stories that obviously should have happened in Season 2, because Hasbro is just that evil.

Nick Bostrom’s Simulation Theory is complete bupkis, because if it were true that would mean that I have no free will, which I refuse to accept. Now the theory that I’m the only person in the universe who’s real and you’ve all been created to serve me—that one sounds very plausible.

“God Bless the USA” (aka “I’m Proud to Be an American”) is not mine, by the way. Lee Greenwood can have it—that song’s way too egotistical for my tastes. Is it just me, or did you ever get the feeling with all those “God Bless America” bumper stickers after 9/11, that it was less an affirmation, and more of a threat? “God had better bless America, or else we’re going to have to go up to heaven and beat some sense into the Creator.”

The actual city of Santa Clarita is nowhere near the Mexican border, which obviously means that I was referring to the other Santa Clarita. Duh.

The history of the Canary Islands given in Chapter 7 is complete and utter bullshit, written that way purely for dramatic effect. But hey, we’re in a post-fact society, and I’m betting that there’s got to be one moron out there so stupid that they believed everything I typed up there, while telling themselves that I’m surely not referring to them right now. I mean, all I need is one bar of gold bullion from an awe-struck fan—is that so much to ask?

(So, are you the slightest bit frustrated by the results of the 2016 Presidential Election? Well, a little. But it’s not like anybody’s going to notice that President Straight got awfully Trumpian at the end there.)

But I still stand by my disclaimers in the Preface. Assuming you bothered to read them.

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The title illustration for this fic is made up of a New York City street scene from Shutterstock, combined with “Princess Luna Trotting” by Proenix.

Gunther and Gudrun’s mating dance is Il Canario, by Cesare Negri (1602), as shown in Chapter 7. Cincinnatus was a Roman farmer who was made absolute dictator during a crisis, led his armies into absolute victory, and then instead of exploiting his power gave it all up to become a farmer again; the Founding Fathers and particularly George Washington often expressed their wish to live up to his ideal. Teri Randall is absolutely supposed to be played by Teri Hatcher—that’s the only part I bothered to cast. Charles on the other hand was inspired by my wishy-washy uncle of the same name (who isn’t a brony as far as I know). The theory that ponies visit alternate universes to steal their stuff comes from the Friendship Is Magic comic book arc entitled Reflections, written by Katie Cook and drawn by Andy Price. “J.S. Bark” as a pony-ism for Johann Sebastian Bach was taken from the fanfic “It Takes a Village”, by determamfidd. United 93 is a 2006 film by Paul Greengrass, one of the few 9/11 films made less than fifty years after the event that’s worth watching.

To any non-Americans reading this far, I am so sorry that you had to be exposed to this many of our many, many neuroses. Although I am fairly sure, in an alternate universe where your country rules the world instead of us, that you’d be equally messed up.

Comments

[Fizzy Orange]

New McPoodle?! ZOMG! Insta-fav! Must read later...

[Sunny]

Okay, this was quite fun, and awfully Trumpian? Pff! President Strait is the more sane of the two.

I still yet again commend managing to make Equestria at once better and yet creepily weird and squicky at the same time. That was a doubly nice touch.

At any rate if this is what your neuroses produce I'm curious to see more McPoodleisms again!

...And for what it is worth, I had to look up the Canary Islands bit because it was plausible enough to have me researching a couple minutes before going 'Can't find any corroboration of this, so probable bullshit.' Glad to know that detector is still working!

[Sunny]

Actually, followup query : Luna's conversation with Celestia shows Luna aghast at the dragons largely losing sapience - but isn't, in some way, the Pony's own Herd Control Magic something of the same? That sounds like a strange contradiction there.

[AzureShade]

I have no idea what I just read.

O.o sums up my reaction to your story.

I can't tell if it's good or bad because I don't understand it . . . .

It's . . . well written at least? Good grammar? I dunno.

[FanOfMostEverything]

I freely admit you got me with the fraudulent backstory for Il Canario; I certainly wouldn't put it past colonial-era Europeans.

In any case, deeply disturbing setup, but it leads to some incredible later scenes. All things considered, very well done indeed. Though you've made me wish I were a pink mage even more than before. Still, thank you for this.

[Prime 2.0]

Well, that sure was a wild ride.

[Voltaje]

I voted for trump, but because I know he will destroy this country, himself, and he will show to the world how fucked up 60% of the American people really are, he will make history, started with the attack on Syria, let's see how much he'll fuck before his metaphorical Bodyguards shoots him.

[wlam]

I like the idea that alicorns are basically Ferengi: travelling the multiverse to look for people and civilizations and then steal all their crap.

[Fizzy Orange]

8080967 That would make for a VERY high concept role playing game campaign where you go around the multiverse and STEAL entire CONCEPTS or every copy of specific items.

"So what did you guys brought back from that trip?"
"Something called Democracy? It seemed like it starts from a good sentiment but it was a total shitshow by the end. I think they'll be glad they lost it."
"I got indoor plumbing!"
"That's a lot of pipes..."
"They were WAY more mad at us for that one."

[Alondro]

8080859 *smirks* Trump 2016. In chalk. All over your sidewalk.

[Fizzy Orange]

8081534 It was indeed pretty different.

It's just fun trying to figure out your multiverse and if some of your stories are connected. Though if Luna and Celestia are talking about the (lack of) sentience of Dragons there's probably no Overlord with super dream magic around...

[Sunny]

8081531 You're missing out! It's hella trippy, yea, but worth it when it all ties together - and if you go back a second time? All that confusing stuff makes sense, and it's doubly awesome.

[Hope]

I enjoyed this story! But after all, since you're all awesome people that means that you must also be me, which means you're basically praising yourself here, which isn't very humble, so um... Bad McPoodle, bad. *thwaps with newspaper*

[McPoodle]

8081600

Well, not as far as they know...

[McPoodle]

8082357

Why is it always with the newspaper with you people? Is it because I'm a dog? That's racist!

[Fizzy Orange]

8085511 DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNN!

[Orbiting Kettle]

This has been quite interesting and fun, at least for certain values of fun and considering that I'm a bad person.

The creepines of how pony society works was a nice addition. It's always interesting when they get some alien characterisation.

The stuff about the Canary Islands activated my bullshit detector as you wrote that they waited for all the locals being dead before filling the place up with colonists. Usually they weren't that nice.

Thank you for this, it has been quite the experience.

[Mockingbirb]

This is a really weird story...AS YOU ALREADY KNOW.

Anyway, I enjoyed it, even if the clashing between bits of real history and the AU stuff you got from your ~crazy~ helpful uncle was a bit disturbing to me and maybe not so much to some other readers.