• Member Since 13th May, 2012
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A cartoon dog in a cartoon world



The royal court of Canterlot welcomes its newest member with open forelegs: the human philosopher Voltaire, from Earth.

On Earth, Voltaire is known as the greatest enemy of tyranny in the history of literature, and a legend in his own mind.

On Equestria, the court betting pool is giving him a week before the Princess banishes him to the Moon.

Note: This story doesn't have sequels per se, but there are a couple of short follow-ups set in the present day ("Parade Coverage" and "Secret Histories"), and a prequel of sorts in "At the Inn of the Prancing Pony".

TV Tropes page.

Chapters (46)
Comments ( 1799 )

I don't review good stories. I usually stick with the bad ones and rail on the authors in an effort to help them understand the folly of their ways by slamming a proverbial baseball bat on their heads.

That said, this is a good story.

Oh my god... a Candide crossover... I have to read this... *puts on read later list*

Why is it that the good stories, more often than not, are the ones with the strangest premise?

"Open forelegs" sounds obscene. Just thought I'd warn ya. :raritywink:

I'm no expert on the grammatical side of things, so I really can't give you feedback on that front. However, as a layman, I like the style you write in. Feels very fresh for some reason. The setting is also interresting in its own way. I'll be definitely following this story and hope it continues.

Off topic: The properties of that pen intrigue me.

MY WORDS!:pinkiegasp: This is... this is fantastic! Is that Voltaire before he wrote Candide? Is a pony going to be his inspiration? :pinkiecrazy:

I'll be following because I know it's gonna be a hoot.

Goodness, but this is looking fascinating. I never thought I'd read a Human in Equestria story. I have quite stubbornly avoided them up until now. But Voltaire? Remarkable idea. I just had to try, and I was duly rewarded.

Ok, now i am really intrigued as to what will happen next, there just isn't enough human in Equestria fics that only center around Celestia and said human, and i do so hope this will be one of those.

With all the messy attempts of throwing humans threw portals into Equestria in the name of science it's still rare that any of them actually work out. I finally have a HiE to put above that Rorschach one in my list of favorites. Here's something actually worthy of that sort of position. This is just fantastic so far.

I'm very pleased with what I've read so far. Do go on.

That last line is hilarious :rainbowlaugh: hopefully this ends well for the little donkey :fluttershysad:

Eveningstar...could that be the author's ancestor?

:rainbowlaugh: but he already was an ass:trollestia:

“Ivan’s turned the philosopher into an ass!”

Don't know if author is stark raving bonkers, or bonafide genius.

Upvoted and tracking.

There is a fine line between a genius and a madman.

Keep this up!

Hillarious! Can't wait to see how the relationship between Celestia and Voltaire will turn out.


We'll soon find out. The difference between genius and madness is success, after all.

This is awesome. That is all.

I agree with Clamps, it's awsome, that's all that need to be said.

celestia: givin commands LIKE A BOSS:trollestia:

I am French, a great amateur of Voltaire's work, and I must say this is charmingly well-written.
Keep up the good work, l'artiste.

:trollestia: she mostly keeps the guards around because they're all good looking stallions :trollestia:

Hahaha this is great! We need MOAR! :yay:

My love for this story just grows and grows!

Though I'm always hesitant to place Celestia on any power level beyond "more powerful than all three races and either long lived to immortal". God-like powers beyond what a large number of Twilight level unicorns are capable of always seems foolish and well beyond canon. The changeling queen could beat her and without the elements she can't begin to battle a true god-being like discord with real power of reality itself. It may suite your purpose to make her a true goddess of her world given where I think this is going, but unless necessary I'm always just a little bothered by stories that write her that way. There are some who portray her as an all-powerful being who could destroy and recreate the world on a whim, which is a little more than the least of what discord is shown capable of.

My own personal canon has her as simply long-lived or the pony equivalent of Tolkien's elves with the power of many unicorns combined (based only on the knowledge that it took multiple unicorns of an unspecified number to raise the sun and moon pre-alicorn rule). Even when viewed as a goddess she doesn't need to be God with a capital "G". Neither Zeus or Cronus, Thor or Odin had that sort of power. Some people just can't see the distinction it seems. Then they cry foul when their head-canon is ruined by Season 2.

You're still far from portraying her in that way so I'm just rambling by this point. Its been some time since I last read anything by or about Voltaire and now you're making me want to know his work better with how you've portrayed his character and assuming you have him down well.
So much studying to do now! :twilightsheepish:
So much... :facehoof:


The last bit in this chapter is more psychological than physical. The point is that everypony is treating Celestia like a true goddess, and she can't find a way to convince them to think otherwise. As for Voltaire, he has a sort of love-hate relationship with royalty as a concept.


OK, now I'm nervous. I don't know a word of French, and I bet you know Voltaire a lot better than I do.

(Everybody else)

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the comments!

Don't worry. I honestly don't mind if Voltaire is in-character or not for the rest of the story - being send in a land of talking ponies can change anyone :p
Plus, you've pretty much nailed him so far.

Ah, a royal alicorn and a human writer in a duel of wits, i can't wait to see more of that.

"Eveningstar watched with amusement as the Princess explained to Voltaire what a cutie mark was, and how it was acquired. At one point the human muttered the phrase “idiot savant” to himself in one of the languages which the white cap could not automatically translate."

Possible anachronism. This story cannot be set any later than 1778 (Either the year of Voltaire's death or the year that Voltaire decided not to come back to Earth, depending on where this story goes), but the term 'idiot savant' wasn't used in the manner I think you're trying to use it (as in referring to savant syndrome) until 1887 by Dr Down. 'Possible' because I'm aware it was an actual French phrase before then, but can't find any context for what it was referring to.

Otherwise good work! I'm enjoying this.

lol this story just keeps getting better:twilightsmile:


Well what did the the other jealous musicians call young Mozart, then? :pinkiecrazy:


I can't find any record of that happening, but maybe I'm missing it. Could you point me towards where you heard it? But anyway, I am certain that if Voltaire was using medical terminology to describe him thinking of people like the rain man, then he's using medical terms not invented until the late 19th and early 20th centuries. They would probably have just been called lunatics back then and chained up in the madhouses.


Alright, you've got me--on this particular topic, I don't know what I'm talking about. I promise I won't use that phrase again in this story.

...I'm also not pulling it out of Chapter 7, tho. Otherwise, that would make this conversation just look silly. :pinkiehappy:


Nonsense! Why, I insist that you replace the words "idiot savant" with the first line of lyrics from the theme song of My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic.

Now if you must comment on the cruder aspects of this chapter, could you at least show a minimum of decorum? It seems you can't read any delicate discussion of the topic without being immediately inundated with the most obvious innuendo.

I shall be taking my place over here, behind this lightly-perfumed lace handkerchief. :moustache: (Or mustache. ...same thing, really.)

Ah unicorns... heads full of thoughts and magic to the point where they never really stop to consider if they are being mean to the other races.

Voltaire is going to be mighty surprised by the Mare in the Moon. Also, maybe Celestia could move it so he gets a good look at it :p

That was a weird spot to end the chapter though...not sure what to make of it o.o

"Ya could be clever as Voltaire, but it won't get ya nowhere if ya wanna sell dissskksssss.
Clever never made no one rich. It doesn't appeal to the teenage market. THE TEENAGE MAAARRKKKKKEEEEEETT!!1!"


"Teenage market"? More like teenage wasteland...

Update? Another one? Sir, you spoil us.

Also, I shall endeavour to keep any further comments free of double-entendre. I shall, however, remain silent on whether or not I shall use single-entendre. For now.

I love that line about the Holy Roman Empire. That's just so classic!


Alle Hagel Friedrich des Große...
Pffff...:rainbowlaugh: HAhahah

Hmm interesting. At the end of the last chapter I thought Celestia was just pranking Voltaire for referring to his god as male. But I guess making someone violently ill is a little harsh to be considered a prank.

This is an interesting story and is probably the best HiE I've read. The first 10 or so chapters of The God Particle were excellent but it fell apart after that. So yeah, this is currently my favorite HiE.

How can those poor creatures survive without that second thing! :pinkiegasp:

Ice cream... Have those two words now forever gotten a second meaning that I will remember for years? Only time will tell...

Not bad, his first day in Equestria and he already discovered things unknown to anypony else, except Celestia of course. At this rate Voltaire will soon be on par with Celestia whereafter the only conclusion would be that Voltaire will surpass her. Voltaire will not be sent away due to the fact that Celestia feels pity for him for being stuck in Equestria, but because he becomes a genuine threat to her, an annoying inquiring one at that.

With luck, perhaps Voltaire will discover one or two absolute truths while at it.

I'd attribute it to willpower or that their minds work in a different way, but that is just me.

I love this fic...i truley do.

I was quoting "Darkside", by Tim Michin.

Yes...yes...very intrigued:moustache:

I approve. Please continue with the utmost haste:moustache:

I expect Celestia will be grateful when the second prohibition lifts, although it will take her at least a century to realize that gratitude.

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