Her Own Sky

by Ice Star

Epilogue: Black Hole

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

In your time as my Faithful Student, you have accomplished many things that have made me so very happy for you. I will even indulge in vice and say that I am so, so proud of you. That is not a word I dare use often, and in your time under my tutelage, you certainly have come to know why, and just what I think of pride. Your skill in magic is one that has so much potential just like the others did

I know that you will continue to study magical practice and theory. Your grades shall certainly continue to rise, and I see in my mind's eye that you are heading toward a brilliant future — one where I wish to see you continue to excel and never stop learning about the things that matter. If When you come back from Ponyville, we will have the biggest celebration in Canterlot. It will be bigger and better than your sixteenth birthday bash, and when all is done I will have a proper pop quiz, just for you. Oh, Twilight Sparkle, don't think that for a moment I know that you (and Spike) would adore a pop quiz once all this Summer Sun Celebration madness is over and the prophecy has been fulfilled you may return to your studies here in Canterlot.

Do you not think I have seen what you have become? You've grown into a lovely young mare under my tutelage and I know that

Please don't fail me in Ponyville and heed my advice to

After all that you have done so far, I'm sure you'll succeed at whatever you see in your mind that must be followed. I picked a scholar because no uneducated pony could do what I need to be done have assigned for you on this most special occasion. Even if that task is making friends in Ponyville, I need you to see that you will never grow so much that I will shun you from your place under my wing, and Canterlot is always the home you will need. My Faithful Student, you need to hear that you can always come home again I need you to have no chance to fail because if you can't come home

Of all your amazing, most special traits, I can see plainly that it is your humility and doggedness that will aid you in this quest of great good — the greatest good, as I am sure you will come to realize. Did you think that your knack for the organization has no translation in this most splendid and harmonious hegemony I rule? All that you have become will ensure that you and Spike find yourselves in good company, and do take care to ensure that he gets to bed on time. Friends aren't as out of reach as you think, and they will help guide you on the journey that I have taken care to put you on.

If you aren't the one meant to wield

There is no doubt in my mind that you — but not you alone — will be able to accomplish more than you have given yourself credit for on this mission of the utmost importance little errand in Ponyville! The history books that you love to read may soon have their pages marked by a very familiar face — one surrounded by her brand-new friends and smiling widely. When that time comes, be sure to give your widest smile, my Faithful Student. It will make up for the art of the perfect wave I have not taught you yet.

Ever since you were a little filly, I had begun preparing you for this task, for I had no choice in the path I knew you were to be set on. I knew that there were some things I could not teach you as I could teach you other, more academic subjects. There was no map that would lead you to friendship, though your character is the finest clay that could be molded until it was perfect to pop into the kiln of camaraderie I knew that you would have to step into one day. Such is fate, my most precious of Students.

That — friendship — was what I wanted you to have the most otherwise the other five would not work

You see, this oddity was what would determine whether or not you passed a test that has been in the making for one thousand years. While you have grown out of the stage where you spoke to none but Smarty Pants, your brother, and Cadance, I have been able to see your shortcomings. These are the ones rooted in a fundamental awkwardness that I know still exists within you, though it goes beyond you being differently-abled. I certainly noticed when you failed to pick up on any cues that marked the point where your brother and my niece — perhaps even your future sister — began the next stages of their lives, where little fillies could not always be tagging along. You have never seen the way Raven looks at me, and I must confess oh, how I loathe that word that as a mare who has never favored mares, I have missed her glances too. Oh, my little Twilight, you can only see the good in the world and I am drawn to your moth-like ability to only see the light of the world and in myself. Optimism exceeds honesty, and of that trait, you are ripe, pure, and ready.

Though it was years ago, I do know that you hardly enjoyed any of my prompts for you to be enrolled in a few classes at my School for Gifted Unicorns. For that awkwardness, I must apologize, but if you knew what I knew would be coming if you were to look closer at the sky it was necessary to get you to begin to learn how to talk to ponies your age. Spike and I were not proper companions for a growing filly. I'm very aware that you did not like being assigned Moondancer, Lyra, Minuette, and Lemon Hearts of your assigned friend group. But when all of this is said and done, and you have returned to Canterlot, I do think that you'll be able to understand what I have done and why...

Twilight Sparkle, I am a very guilty mare because I could not care for somepony who needed my help the most and they suffered because of my actions. This was somepony I should have always been there for, and I have never stopped missing them in their absence, though you have no inkling of who this may be — and for good reason; this is my greatest burden and thus my highest of secrets. You have been spared of hearing some of the countless and secretive speculations of where I am from and if I am the sun itself, even if these whispers primarily lurk outside of Equestria's borders and in the thaumaturgy departments of foreign universities. I will always be glad that I have closed your ears to the hushed whispers of why I have only the sun upon my flank if I manage—

Have you ever thought of what it would be like to be separated from Shining Armor? Truly separated, unable to help or—

Time is like a knife, Twilight Sparkle, even if you hold it at a distance it will eventually cut you when you aren't careful...

I miss her terribly and I may have numbed myself to some of this feeling — and the initial impact of her loss may be gone...

Sometimes I cannot tell if the fire of regret or the numbness of what my grief has become is worse.

There was never meant to be one Alicorn goddess ruling Equestria, and I have aimed to use everything in my power to change that and to make this land one that truly represents order and harmony. You and all my other little ponies know the weight of importance I place upon good intentions and bending the world into a kind one. If you ever come to know the other gods even a fraction, as well as you have come to know me, I'm afraid you'll see that they insist on many different ways of the world. What they call realism is pish-posh, and they are far too immersed in all mystic manners I am shocked the thaumaturges and sorcerers call them miracles and see their texts as more worthy than mine. Ah, Twilight, it is a sad day when our most benevolent destiny is forsaken for a twisted idea of harmony, but I am rambling now. You will not need to know the other gods until you are at your grave decades from now, thank Harmony.

What you are about to right is rooted in a wrong I had done, and all because of something ugly I had once been... and the ways in which I did things that only hurt the bond between myself and this other. I sawed it to pieces instead of severing it with a more merciful single strike. It was I who refused us the sole fight to cleave our kinship in two... and I twisted the knife of time into the one I should have cherished most. I hurt a mare who couldn't bear to be a single star — that is if we are to draw any reference to the suns-as-stars theory. She was different like you and couldn't be what was expected of her I'm ashamed to say that even I wanted this once and pretend to be a star — as some distant sun — when she was meant to have her own sky... and because of everything that happened she tried to go through me to get it. That last line is all the bedtime remembers of the mare that history obliterated.

I hurt the only family I have, and she bit back with as much fury as she had and it got her—

It took her absence to make me realize that I loved my family. Worse than that, it took what was tantamount to her suicide until the fortune teller's words too many centuries too late for me to know that I should have always kept it that way when my own actions helped tear us apart. The only force that can save her is one that I no longer believe in after what they did to her can no longer control, and it is only through your actions that order and peace could really return to Equestria, and harmony shall be able to heal my heavy heart at last. I changed so much for her, you must realize that! Ponies thought differently than — and not the more acceptable kind of different that you are and she was, but an ugly and cruel different. No matter what, different is always slightly dangerous but

Equestria was not a place that would be recognizable to you, even your history books — all history texts — are but a pale imitation of past horrors. There is a good reason that Nightmare Moon is in no legitimate history book, and you have read the story of a nation whose only hardship was fleeing frozen winter-lands. History tells of an instantaneous racial harmony between my little ponies for a reason. Discord is recounted as a tame, half-myth that I defeated alone, and without any kin or a preceding war in all that you grew up with for equally necessary reasons; the aftermath of his anarchy shall not be spoken of as anything but quick-healing miracles because that is what history must believe. The land is truly filled with life, precisely because it is permitted no unkindness.

I changed, and I did so over and over again. I will always change.

I waited because—

You, Twilight Sparkle, are the only Faithful Student who showed any true potential as the key I would one day need. Your magic surge and tell-tale mark were all I needed, and all I hadn't seen in so long... oh, how your purple stars, that single image of the Spark has haunted me.

But the other Students? They are the ponies who only get portraits and prestige upon graduation, as I am sure some would so cruelly put it if we are to delve into inaccurate simplicity. They were scholars, each one was well-trained, the cream of the crop... but I never established the Faithful Students to be anything more than distractions until...

Oh, only my little ponies would believe me when I tell you I don't know how to say this. My dear little subjects and Faithful Students, you all understand me so well.

They were not heroes, Twilight, and that was what I needed — what destiny required. None of them would ever be able to succeed, to learn the true secrets of magic...

I needed a hero-to-be in the form of somepony like you, but not for my sake...

For Luna's sake.

She is the reason that I told you to have fun on your trip instead of good-bye. My kin is the ghost I can no longer see because she was not the first or the last. All she was was the greatest reminder in the line of Discord, Sunset Shimmer, and others that all those who I dare tell that I love them will leave me.

So I tell no one, not even you, that I love you ever so much, Twilight Sparkle. I love you because of how much I need you and because I cannot know how to feel any other way about you, for you are my proudest achievement.

Your Mentor,

Princess Celestia

...

The moon scarred with the image of an all-but-forgotten goddess loomed over the city of Canterlot and the last traces of a cool summer night's breeze swirled past the spires of Canterlot castle. Even though the moon was high in the sky, Princess Celestia shook in cold that wasn't there as she sat on her tower's balcony. A thin line of enchanted sunfire was dancing on the golden rail and casting dramatic shadows on her face. She sat not because she was tired, but because her legs wouldn't stop shaking each time she tried to stand. They shook like the uncertainty she put into every uncharacteristically clumsy word. So Princess Celestia sat and added the last few lines on her letter to Twilight Sparkle, who was now likely to be asleep in Ponyville's Golden Oak Library where she had arranged for her Faithful Student and her little brother to stay.

Even for Princess Celestia, it was difficult to resist the urge to look up at the sky where four of the odd stars had already begun drawing themselves to Luna, bit by bit, in order to finish the spell. Celestia bit her lip — stopping only when she tasted blood. By then, it had become harder to breathe the more she tried to hold all second thoughts at bay. Part of her was still screaming with some kind of fragile, mad excitement at the prospect of seeing Luna — or whatever might be left of her — that caused something vital-feeling inside of her to threaten to burst. She held back as much emotion as possible, but twin streams of tears still managed to squeeze their way out of her eyes, and however much it hurt, Princess Celestia tried to swallow the few hiccup-like sobs that had threatened to escape her until they only escaped her in dry, pained coughs.

She would see her sister again. Celestia would beg if she had to — if that's what would keep Luna from hurting anypony and buy Twilight Sparkle some more time.

Once the last flourishes of her signature were added, Princess Celestia rolled up the scroll and sealed it. She then placed it off to her side, gold aura flickering nervously and threatening to die and drop her letter. Somehow, she managed to set it down carefully, as if she were afraid the paper would make a noise that would startle somepony who wasn't there. Though it was part-confession (oh, that vile term) and part-letter, it was sloppier than anything Princess Celestia would ever really write. She had always put perfection first in dictating and composing her letters to Twilight Sparkle and all of her Faithful Students before her. Next to the princess was another sheet of parchment, the inkwell she had been using, and the only unbroken quills she had left. The rest lie around her, broken and snapped when she had applied too much pressure in her hurried writing.

It was all because of how her magic was fluctuating, of course, nothing more.

She didn't want it to be anything more.

There were still two letters she would need to write tonight. It was only when Princess Celestia managed to draw a single breath, one so shallow and hoarse, did she look up at the sky and the paths of the stars, now in motion more than ever...

She had so little time left to write now.

Celestia took one more breath. It was deeper, but sputtering, almost as if it were her last. For an undying being the concept of the last breath... it was absurd to think that she would have one. Yet, right now Celestia was very, very afraid that it would be her last breath... at least for a long time.

Princess Celestia's jaw clenched and unclenched. It was all nerves. She felt lightheaded. The summer air was freezing and the start of a sudden cold sweat had appeared on her forehead in this ungodly, unnatural chill. She felt as if she had been plunged into ice water!

Making as much use of whatever time she had left, Princess Celestia moved to her second, blank piece of paper—

— and then she stopped to eye the confession she had written to her Faithful Student. A heartbeat passed and she lifted the letter, dreading each second of silence she held onto it. Then, with a single motion, she cast it into the flames created by her light and watched it burn until she could see the ashes fall.

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading!

If you liked this story...

~You might also like this one shot about Sunny that ties in with this one (loosely, I suppose).

~You enjoy this story about young!Cadance and Princess Celestia set a bit before this one.

~But maybe you want to see what Celestia's second letter was, and that's cool too.

~Or you could join this group if you want to find all the stories in this universe (there's a timeline in the forum too).

[Revised for print on 10/25/2020]

Comments

[Mira Starlight]

I like this. I really do. It's got that perfect mix of heartwarming and tearjerker. Good job, Icy.

[Ice Star]

7892125 It's just a phase!

[Windsor]

So basically, prior to Twilight, none of Celestia's "Faithfull Students" meant a thing for her or Equestria?

Not saying that I didn't like your story, but that was the feeling it gave to me.

[Ice Star]

7892903 They were meant as companions rather than anything else - she didn't know Luna was coming back until it was too late. But as time wore on she did begin to think that one might be able to think one of them could save Luna - hence why she was so critical of Sunset and considered taking Shiny as one.

[clubbzz]

There needs to be a letter to Sunset as well, Celestia has to realize at some point that she was the one who was wrong in things.

[Windsor]

7893116 A bit too critical with Sunset if you ask me. What does Celestia think right now of Sunset?

[Blazeblast4]

7893116
So basically Sunset was right about everything she said... This Celestia was pretty despicable at times, between all her interactions with Sunset and her hypocrisy with how she treats and judges Twilight (oh no, Sunset was too antisocial, let's take this even more antisocial pony, whose first actions as a student were to panic over failing and care more about that than anything else and call it different in a good way). Honestly, that may be my favorite thing about this fic. Celestia is hypocritical and in a way very arrogant (expecting Sunset to apologize for pushing herself and completing the test, then for calling her out for what she's doing, basically for not being blindly faithful), but it all came from desperation and she was never down right cruel or evil, but has a habit of dehumanizing (deponyizing?) her previous students and even Twilight to an extent.

[Ice Star]

7893669
7893306
7893312
Thank you for all the interesting comments and speculations. If you want to read more about Sunset, I currently only have one other story with her in it right here. This story was meant to focus primarily on interactions with Twi and Tia - it is for the Twilestia contest, after all - as well as mistakes that were made prior to Celestia having Twilight as her student.

[Ice Star]

7893519 >see her introduction in EqG one via Celestia exposition
>Twilight befriends Sunny and most likely told Celestia about that

Celestia hasn't interacted with Sunset in any other stories I wrote, but it's safe to say that Sunny has moved on from this.

[pokefreak13]

Another excellent story

[Ice Star]

7975368 Ironic considering the book referenced in this chapter...

[Csquared08]

Overall, this was pretty cute. Glad I took the time to read this even if Sunset was only in one chapter

[Csquared08]

9445633
Hyphens instead of em dashes is the big dumb

And of course I got to it quick.

9445637
!
Das a nice picture.

[Ice Star]

9445646
shhh
9445643
Sorry! These are all the other Sunset words I have, so it was what came to mind. I have a lot of other words, though...

[Hereward]

10502448
Exactly what I'm getting at. Just about any time I try to write an em dash with a html system it comes out as a mere hyphen. Is this not what happens for you?

[Ice Star]

10502621
Usually this is the case.

[fanreader999999]

Strings

[Ice Star]

10504546
What about strings? Could you please explain what it is you mean? I'm afraid one word isn't much to go off of.

[Ice Star]

10795255
It was never intended to be a linear story. You don’t need to pay hard attention to a particular year the story takes place, or anything like that. Generally just knowing what particular character was in what place at what time is enough.