Death smiles at us all; all a man can do is smile back.
The Writers' Group56,546 stories ·9,303 members
One-Shots18,933 stories ·2,369 members
Dark8,341 stories ·3,769 members
Short Stories5,079 stories ·548 members
After staying up all night while working on an essay, and failing to get anything done thanks to worrying about something, Alder—a earth pony colt—has a conversation with himself about his worries in life, and how they've affected him and his life as a whole.
Inspired by my own real life tendency to worry about things for days on end. I felt that writing about this could help with it. I hope you all enjoy it.
Page generated in 0.123 seconds
Total duration
918 users online
424,776 hits today, 2,591,549 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I don't know if this story is exactly like what you deal with, but my heart goes out to you if it is, because this sounds extremely hard to deal with. I also think I kind of know how you feel, so I think it's great that you tried writing about it and I earnestly hope it helps. It was certainly enjoyable to read, though I think a description of the voice in Alder's head might have given it a little more punch.
Now, I don't normally like to comment on this type of thing because it sounds so nitpicky and I don't think you usually have this problem, but there were a lot of typos. Like, a distractingly large amount. I think you could probably catch most of them yourself, but I'd be glad to point them out if you'd prefer.
putting aside the typoes i noticed, this was a good read, and i feel with it way too much holy shit. thumbs up from me
7584649 I based Alder less off of myself as a person and more off of my mental state whenever I worry: very disorganized and never wishing to listen to reason. Almost as though I'll only listen to unreasonable nonsense than, well, reasonability. On the other hand, I based the voice in his head off of my mental state when I'm not worrying about something: more sound and logical. So, most of what Alder does aren't things I do when I get this way. I don't end up throwing things around or end up crying. Rather, I imagine the actions as a metaphor for my lack of focus.
So, it may not be the most accurate representation of how I get when I dwell on something... but I doubt that me reading about what I'm worrying about, and going about my daily life (even if I have something leeching away at me, and hindering my ability to focus) would be very enticing.
That said: there are two things that I did make up for the sake of adding some sort of narrative heft.
The first is that I'm not in college. So, the essay thing I added in as a stand-in for... really, anything. Writing, playing a video game, or even reading. I guess that having Alder be an author would've made the story more personal, but I felt the essay thing added more emotion and a better way of describing that the worrying affected his personal life more.
The second is that I never once locked myself in my room when I was younger. Dunno why I added that. Hope that doesn't take away any emotion from the story.
Anyways, that said, I went back and I checked (and found) some typos. Note to self: don't put up a story after I've been up for 18 hours. I'll take up your offer on looking for some if I missed any though!
TL;DR It may not be 100% how I deal with it physically, but it's how I am mentally. A lot of disarray and lack of focus.
7584699 I'm very happy that you enjoyed it! Thank you very much for reading!
And I appreciate both of you understanding how I feel. It means a lot to me.
7585397
I sure hope not, because I am literally writing a story about someone doing exactly that. Different context, of course.
And it's probably for the best that that's not how you handle it physically. Doesn't sound very healthy.
Looks a lot more polished now, though there's still a few nits to pick.
Looks like there should be a 'he' in there.
'That' instead of 'about,' maybe?
'Too.'
This is fine as is, though 'intelligent' might sound a little nicer than 'smart.'
7585592 Done and done. Thank you very much!
Could their be a sequel to this? Also I feel like the voice is just that blunt, level-headed friend.