Charged with intention to kill and culpable ponycide, Lightning is sentenced to life without parole in a cruel,sadistic prison. Beaten, maimed and tortured daily, never able to escape this state, it seems this is one story with no triumphant end. But just who would show even the slightest sympathy to a guilty prisoner who deserves no sympathy. Who would have enough kindness to even remotely care?
(Lightning x Fluttershy)
Page generated in 0.08 seconds
Total duration
668 users online
888,165 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
...Damn. This is just sad. Please continue this.
Okay while short it did convay the message that she wants to forgive everyone she'd hurt. So I give it a two thumbs up and a heart
It's very interesting to read keep up a good work it has my full attention now keep up the good work update more soon.
Overall this story isn't bad. It's not perfect, but it is an interesting take on what happened to Lightning Dust.
The one off-putting thing is the Rainbow Dash is a he. I know you said that that came from a theory you had about the show, but it's something you just dropped in here with no real explanation. In the future, you might want to elaborate on stuff like that.
I think the story is very interesting to read I hope you write more of the story it has my full attention now update soon I was wondering is there a pairing in this story just was curious
This whole section could be turned into one paragraph. They all share the subject of Fluttershy coming home and thinking about Lightning's condition. You do this a few times throughout this chapter, causing it to look chopped up. As a general rule, only change paragraphs when changing subjects or speakers. Also, the word in bold is misspelled.
"she said with a cheerful" makes no sense and that comma makes Twilight's part a run-on sentence. You should just say "she said cheerfully" then end the sentence. You have a few run-on sentences in this chapter, so you should go back and fix them. Also, since you change speakers , you should start a new paragraph at the '|'.
You misspelled Fluttershy here and right below it too. Also, that period at the end shouldn't be there and there should be a question mark after "better" and inside the quotation marks. Be careful about punctuation and how to use it.
This is a fourth-wall break. If this was a silly, random comedy those could be acceptable. However, since this is a serious drama, they are not. Instead, you should say "She was the same as when she first arrived in Ponyville" or something to that effect.
Finally, the reasons why Fluttershy doesn't like Twilight seem out of character for Twilight. I know there haven't been many interactions between these two, but canon Twilight doesn't ignore her friends as much as you claim.
I really like this concept and I want to see it done well, but the errors in grammar and Out-Of-Character moments make this story less enjoyable. Work on these issues, and this story, as well as future stories, will improve.
ANother god chapter, can't wait for more!
Finally she's awake. Keep it up pal.
Fluttershy trusts somepony who she didn't even have a chance to talk to, (who's first impression was nearly killing her and her friends without regret) more than she trusts her friends.
I think I know what's going on now. The character we know as Fluttershy in this story isn't actually Fluttershy. This story's Fluttershy is actually you. Everything she's been saying, has been your take on all of the scenes she's been describing. She even outright lies to the pony that she says she trusts more than anything.
And of course, this story loves to keep making jabs like this:
And we have yet to be given any real reason as to why, other than your personal takes. Not Fluttershy's.
Love the story concept, love the characterization of Lightning, please please please update soon! :)
Why isn't there a dark tag?
7779968 Don't you hate when your comments don't get a response?
7729892 I think the sentence is supposed to be read like this:
Good chapter like normal, keep it up, and Merry Christmas!
Uh-oh......
Okay. This just got interesting.
That is SO not what Rainbow Dash did. She not only took responsibility for her actions and save her friends from plummeting to their death, she also went to Spitfire's office, told her off for how the Wonderbolts were pushing their students, and then turned in her badge to quit the Academy. Rainbow Dash didn't just apologize, she took action and told the Wonderbolts off for their wrong ways.
The only reason why Rainbow's still in the Wonderbolts is because Spitfire caught up to her before she left, saying that she was right, and the Wonderbolts were wrong. There's no such thing as a bad student. There are only bad teachers. That's exactly what Spitfire is. And to be honest, I can believe this about Spitfire.
But in the end, Rainbow Dash was the only student who had the guts to stand up to their bad teacher.
Finally! Some justice.
Well, at least Lightning doesn't have to go back to jail now. Phew.
Finally getting off your flank and doing something Celestia.
7925592
For Dusty!!!
Rainbow dash was mentioned as male alot , but besides that it's great so far!!
Rainbow Dash is a girl. Why do you keep using male pronouns for her?
Other than that, this story catches my interest.
These are times I wonder wtf celesta is doing