//------------------------------//
// Lightning's past. (fluttershy and Lightning pov) 
// Story: No redemption. 
// by zman123 
//------------------------------//

April 30

Lightning woke a few minutes later, clutching her incredibly sore head.

"Spitfire. Why?" She begged. "Why Spitfire why?"

"Because Spitfire is a jerk" I declare. "A selfish jerk who only cares about herself"

"No. No that's not true. It can't be true. It's not true."

"Would Spitfire really have betrayed Soarin like that if she cared about him like a friend. No. And was it a coincidence that both times Spitfire abandoned some pony it was in favour of Dash. Just a coincidence. No. Soarin was Spitfire's closest friend, and you were Spitfire's best student. Can you remember one time Spitfire punished you for behaving badly or not making it to class on time or anything like that before the tornado?"

"No. Not really. I always made it to class on time. I always got high marks on my tests and I never got into fights with the other cadets. It's the truth."

"So Spitfire really had no reason to kick you out. Especially since Dash was just as much to blame as you and Dash wasn't kicked out."

Lightning sighed.

"I want you to know the truth" she admitted painfully. "You deserve to know the truth."

"What do you mean?"

"Whenever any pony makes a mistake, they have a motive. At least, that's what they say. You deserve to know my motive. As my nearest and dearest friend in my lonely life, you deserve to know why I did the stupid things I did. You deserve the truth.""

I can't help but smile slightly. Lightning Dust really was nothing like what Dash claimed she was.

"I, I need to get this off my chest" sighed Lightning. "And you deserve to know."

I nod. "I'm listening"

Lightning Dust's story (lightning Pov)

I never had a chance to meet my mum, though I was sure she was a really nice pony from what my dad told me. He told me one day that he missed my mum and that it was all my fault she died. I plucked up the courage to ask in a shaking whisper, why.

"Your mother was a selfless, beautiful mare." he said, glaring at me all the while. Then he explained, he explained that to save me, the doctors cut me from my mother under her order's that I was to be prioritized. "She'd still be here if it wasn't for you." sighed my father.

I liked to think of my father as a kind and loving pony who loved his children. He did love my older brother Night Wing a lot after all. He would shout that Night wing was the best son he could ever have, and that no other pony under the stars made him more proud.

He loved me too though not many ponies would agree with the ways he showed the love to me.

My wings were very, very weak when I was born, from being born so early. The doctors told my father that even if I somehow lived by a miracle, I'd be useless as a flier and weather manager, essentially I'd have non of the talents Pegasus as a race were meant to have. But somehow, I did live, with the help of the surgeon, the closest thing I had to a friend or family back then.

I liked to think of my father as generous. When Night wing shouted at dinner time, "Pizza!" my father rushed to the store and returned with several boxes of pizza for him to eat all by himself. When Night wing shouted "orange juice" my father would bring home a barrel of it for him to drink all by himself.

And when he shouted "I won't drink it unless it's iced!" my father would run for the third time to the store for the ice.

And to show just generous he was to his children, he told me to keep my hoofs off Night wing's food and drink because it wasn't mine and ordered me to stay and watch while Night wing ate it all in front of me. "You can have whats left" my father declared, being the generous pony he was. Night wing drank until the barrel was empty and ate until each and every crumb of the pizza had been demolished. Then he gave me the empty containers and said, "that's your share. Eat it up and enjoy."

Such a generous pony my father was. I really loved that about him.

As a young filly, I was not like Night wing. I did not like playing with BB guns or reading action comics. I preferred to pick flowers, to sew, and to read fashion magazines. And I liked pink more than black, unlike Night wing.

By doing that, I made my daddy mad. I was so sorry.

My father was a defeated veteran, he told me and Night wing one day as he sat by the fire brooding over his past. He was very close to becoming a Wonderbolt in his youth, but when he was beaten by one point at the Wonderbolt tryout finale so that his position was one too low to qualify, he snapped.

He broke out in a seething rage, shouting that the competitor with one point more than him had cheated. "He did cheat" my father asserted "The Wonderbolts were simply too stupid to see I had won". My father yelled at the Wonderbolts to change the score. They refused and told my father the other competitor had won fair and square.

From what he told us next, I guessed that he pounced upon his competitor and strangled him hard. By the time the other ponies at the tryout had pulled him off, the other competitor was breathless and had no pulse.
From the way he described the other Competitors protests that he did not cheat, I could only sadly presume that the other competitor was telling the truth.

They threw my father in prison after that, where he stayed for several years.

"I only want you to do what I could not in my life" he said to my brother. Then he turned to me. "You're mother died pointlessly" he said "You're not the strong handsome stallion you're brother is. You're not even a stallion at all. You have no right to complain about the way I'm treating you because I'm treating you the way non stallions deserve to be treated. You don't have rights and nopony needs to listen to you."

"But. I, I just wanted to make you proud daddy. Daddy. Please." I begged.

"You're weak. Weak ponies don't deserve anything. You will always be weak and a failure, while you're brother goes off into the Wonderbolts and makes me proud. You disgust me. You're not the strong Stallion you're mother thought you would be. Get out of my sight"

I felt so sorry for disappointing my father.

I tried my best to be better. I stopped picking flowers, and replaced my flower wallpaper with a cross bone and skull one. I cut my hair shorter, and spent more time trying to do wing ups. It didn't make my dad any happier.

He still told me my only bed was the floor, that Night wing would always eat before me and that I would only have what was left, and that I was the one who would do all the chores in the house. I was still a failure, he told me. I was still the weak, useless mare and not the strong stallion he wanted. He wished I had died instead.

He gave me a chance to redeem myself which I hopelessly failed at. He told me to win a flying race against my brother. My weak wings failed me once again, and I told my father that. "Blame it on the fact you're not a strong, handsome stallion like you're brother" hissed my father "You failure."

My dad was a forgiving pony. He gave me another chance. He told me to win in a hoof wrestle against my brother. My brother had a lot of fun breaking my hoof in several places even when I begged him to stop. My hoof hurt for several weeks after that.

I failed my dad. I failed my brother. I failed every pony I loved.

I tried to strengthen my wings and hoof with regular exercise, but it did no good. I was still weak.

My brother was just as kind as my dad. He gave me the cold, hard floor to sleep on and the empty plate with no food on it during meal times. He gave me all the chores to do, and when I finished eventually, rewarded me with a nice buck to the face, sometimes hard enough to draw blood.

I felt mostly content with my life apart from one thing. I was not useful and not making my father proud as I should have been. It was that guilt that grew day by day, until eventually I could no longer bear to see the look of disapproval on my father and brother's faces, that I felt I no longer belonged in this nice, comfortable home or this kind, loving family.

So one day I decided to leave. I thought about leaving a note, but then abstained, knowing my father did not need to find me again for a long time. I would only go back to him when I was a Wonderbolt, so that perhaps just once in his life, he would crack a grin at me instead of being so angry with me.

The only thing I took with me when I left, to at least pretend there was one pony that did , or at least would have felt proud at me, was my mother's diary.

I found it one evening tucked away under a slightly loose floorboard in her room, which my dad and brother left well alone. I went in to pay my respects to her secretly, and found the diary. It shocked me.

"Lightning" It said. "If you're reading this then you know that I'm long dead by now. I won't live to see you or love you as a mother should love her son... or daughter. I write knowing that my time here is drawing to a close. The doctor's say its the pregnancy that caused this terrible illness, but deep in my heart I know that it has nothing to do with you. I would have died regardless, I just didn't want you're daddy to know I was going so soon. I knew the illness I had hidden away would have killed me when it did, but I didn't want to tell any pony.

"I knew you would not be a stallion. I took a test without your daddy seeing and I knew I had to hide it from him. If he knew that you were not a stallion, he would have killed you before you were born, and I could not have that. I could not let that happen to a tiny life that did nothing wrong. I just want you to know that I love you Lightning Dust. Had you been the stallion you're father wanted you to be, that is the name he would have given you. To show how good a flier he was sure you would have been when you grew up and joined the Wonderbolts, something he never sadly managed to do. I won't be around to see you sadly, so I'll never be able to teach you the things I wanted to. But if there's one thing I feel you should know, I feel you should know that shifting the blame is bad. Don't shift the blame Lightning Dust, ever. It never solves anything. Wars are started and ponies lives are ruined because of it. Because some selfish pony could not take the blame. Farewell my daughter. My beautiful, lovely daughter. Be happy, be safe and live a happy life. And please, don't shift the blame. Please. your mother."

I left for Cloudsdale, with the one goal of one day being a Wonderbolt and making my loving father proud.

It was a long journey. And since I couldn't fly because of my weak wings, I had to walk.

Several times, I nearly fainted from hunger and thirst. It was only thanks to kind ponies like Jet Set,Upper Crust and Fleur who threw money, that I managed to survive.

I got to Cloudsdale eventually. But couldn't fly up to it. So I began to weep. I had come all this way for nothing. I begged for help, but no help came.

Several Wonderbolts came by, they ignored me. Several other pegasi came by. They laughed at me.

Then one pony in a Wonderbolt costume came by and asked what was wrong. I told him, knowing he probably had better things to do than listen to me rant. He told me he would help me. And he flew me up to Cloudsdale. I had the courage to ask his name. He told me it was Soarin and that he was a Wonderbolt, a team of the best fliers there were. I asked him why he helped me. He told me it was nothing, and that it was good team spirit to help others in need.

I told him I wanted to be a Wondebolt like him. He told me good luck, and that I seemed like a nice pony to him.

Then there I was, outside flight school for flying ponies. I cautiously approached the other ponies and asked where to find the headmaster. They laughed at me and told me that with my pathetic wings, trying to join flight school was a waste of time for me. They were all stallions too.

I found the headteacher eventually, at that time it was Spitfire. I told her what I had come for. She very reluctantly signed me up.

My days in flight school began, with the promise that if I flew well, I would be given a try at being a Wonderbolt.

But I still flew badly. Very badly. The other ponies threw food at me to show me how badly I flew. I still had no friends.

But that changed when she came.

She told the other ponies to shut up and leave me in peace. She apologized for the other ponies giving me such a tough time and asked me my name. I told her. She told me her name was Indigo Zap.

Then she said something that warmed my heart till this day. "You and I have the same eyes" she said "And the same kind of mane. We both want to be Wonderbolts, we both like flying fast. It's like, it's like we're mirror images of each other. I don't know why, but I feel I can trust you."

"But I'm nothing like you." I said. "You fly well and I fly badly. I was, I was born to fly badly."

"That's crap" she told me "There is no such thing as a pony born to do well or badly. We make our own luck and we do well or badly depending on how much we want to do well and how much effort we're prepared to put into doing well. It's the ponies who are lazy and pity themselves that say its natural born talent holding them back."

She offered to be my friend.

"Why?" I asked "No pony wants to be my friend. I don't want the other ponies to laugh at you for being friends with a loser like me."

"The other ponies don't like me either" she said "They only like Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash is the popular one around here."

"But we have nothing in common"

"You're name is Lightning Dust, mine's Indigo Zap. We both like flying and making other ponies proud. We both want to make something of ourselves. We're mirror images of each other. I can help you Lightning. Meet me after lights out."

So Indigo Zap began to help train me. She taught me the techniques I couldn't learn in class, and told me to never give up.

"Don't fear failure" she told me "Fear not succeeding"

She told me anything was possible with enough effort and strong conviction. And when I felt I could not do even one more wing up, she begged me to continue.

We would train each day, until the sun came up. And when it was lunch time, Indigo Zap would save an extra portion of lunch for me, and tell me to meet her in a place the bullies would not find us.

"Are we gonna win." was her catchphrase.

"Maybe?" I asked.

"Wrong answer, try again. Are we gonna win."

And when the bullies did come for me, Indigo played vigilante and took the law into her own hooves. The bullies thought twice about picking on me or her after that.

Indigo was a better teacher than any of the flight school teachers. I even wondered why Indigo was not already a Wonderbolt herself with how well she taught me. I didn't mind not having time to sleep at night, knowing it would be spent with Indigo.

Gradually, very gradually over time, my wings got stronger. I gradually learned how to fly, first badly, then fairly, then in the end, just as well as Indigo Zap.

But the day I flew just as well as Indigo Zap, was also the day she left me.

The bullies were gathered around a pony called Sour Sweet and calling her all kinds of terrible names. Sour Sweet begged them to stop, but they just put a hoof around her neck to chock her out. Indigo couldn't stand it and punched the bully to make him let go.

The other two bullies tried to grab her, but Indigo Zap bashed their heads together in self defense. Spitfire came outside just in time to see Indigo Zap knock the bullies to the ground. She asked what was going on.

The bully spoke first and told Spitfire that Indigo had pounced onto them and knocked them to the ground despite them begging her to just leave them alone. Spitfire believed them. Indigo Zap said nothing as Spitfire told two guards to take Indigo Zap away.

"I won't shift the blame" Indigo mouthed to me as she was taken away "I'm happy. I sacrificed myself for some pony else. I did what a decent pony had to do."

And I never saw Indigo or Sour Sweet again. Sour Sweet was later expelled too for some reason.

I came too late and missed the fight. And because I was too late, Indigo was taken away.

I felt like leaving flight school too that day, but felt I had to keep going for Indigo's sake and my daddy's sake too. I had nowhere else to go.

I got my cutie mark when one day during a stunt show where every pony was demonstrating their stunts, in a moment of desperation, I flew and broke the sound barrier with my speed. I didn't get my cutie mark when I did my stunt, I got it when the other ponies stopped laughing at me and started clapping instead. For the first time in my life, I made other ponies smiley and proud with something I did and that made me happy. Had I trained one bit less, I probably would have failed spectacularly.

"Keep it up" remarked Spitfire. "Keep doing what you're doing and pushing yourself harder than every pony else and you'll go far" For the first time, she made eye contact with me when she spoke to me.

So I did. I continued training late into the night, and using my days off to train myself harder. The only thing on my mind was that Spitfire would be proud of me, like my father would be if he could see me now. Oh yeah I felt the pain, while chasing all the fame. No longer was I just another player in the game. I was my father's strong and handsome stallion now and he would be proud when I showed him my Wonderbolt badge.

I felt that I would die. I felt that the next wing up would surely kill me. But I didn't care. My dad said it was good to die in battle, and I would do as he said. The other ponies stopped bullying me for the most part, now that I was at least decent as a flier too.

But one thing that never seemed to change, was the fact I was always too late when it mattered.

The day I saw that innocent yellow pony being taunted and pushed off the clouds, I was too late again. One bully who still held a grudge against me for all the attention I was now getting, came up from behind me and knocked me cold, as I was about to fly and save that yellow pony from falling to her death when I saw no pony else was going to.

That pony was punished, but I didn't care. I was too late again. I didn't save the yellow pony from falling. I knew that the yellow pony was a nice, kind and friendly pony from the few times I had seen her before, but I could never bring myself to confess it, partly because I was so dedicated to my training and I felt a relationship would waste time. I really regret not being there for her when she needed me the most.

You know most of the rest. The last thing I feel I should tell you is that when I saw Rainbow Dash at the Wonderbolt's Academy, I felt I was seeing Indigo Zap all over again. Rainbow Dash certainly looked like a friendly pony to me, and I thought I was lucky to be paired with some pony as popular and fast as she, er I mean, he was.

I didn't know he wanted the lead pony badge, I would have given it to him.

And once again, I was too late. Just as I was too late for Indigo Zap and you, I was too late to save the five ponies I nearly killed with my tornado.
I was too late again. I'm sorry.

And the one thing that I can't help but feel slightly mad about? even knowing how wrong I was?

Had the five ponies not been flying past at that second, especially knowing how dangerous the academy was for ponies who could not fly themselves, Spitfire would probably have rewarded me and Dash for pushing ourselves so hard and using such a method to take out the clouds.

Spitfire took out several clouds with tornado's in her days as a trainee, at least that's what she told us during story time. She told me that was one reason they chose to make her a Wonderbolt.