April 31
It was noon by the time I was escorted back to the Wonderbolt academy by four large, muscular pegasi, each one bigger and stronger than me. They gripped me in a chin-lock to ensure I would not try to escape. Not that I had any intention to escape.
It had been a while since I last walked on the grounds I trained on as a cadet. I felt nostalgic but now was not the time for feelings.
Very little had changed despite how long must have passed. Days, weeks and months were inconsequential for me as a convict, when each day was just another beating.
I should have felt ecstatic to have a chance to see the academy I dedicated my life to, the place which made me who I was and the place where I first learnt the meaning of happiness, contentment and friendship. But the deep shame I still felt when I thought back to the actions which got me kicked from here, was an old wound reopened when I continued to look upon the beauty the academy still held even after so long. The shame made me numb, and so I felt nothing. Nothing at all.
This was a paradise, my paradise. But a paradise I had been exiled from, never to return. A paradise I would never earn the right to return to.
As I was dragged forward, I caught sight of my old friend and teacher Soarin, sitting alone in a corner.
As I stepped closer to the main building, he continued to sit, staring at me but more as if he was looking through me than at me. His eyes were like dark, empty tunnels and his expression was cold and bleak. I could not tell why.
I wished I could have asked him but there was no time as one of the pegasi trotted over to the door of the main building and knocked.
A guard clad in a military outfit adorned with badges, a pair of shades obscuring his eyes, opened the door. He glared at me briefly for a few long seconds, before nodding to the pegasi, who pushed me forward. Then they quickly trotted away, leaving me on my own with the guard.
He gestured for me to follow him, through clenched teeth. I obeyed knowing that if I didn't follow, he would simply drag me. He led me through the corridors and hallways.
I crossed the threshold like an intruder, which to be fair, I probably was now. I had no right to be here.
The guard led me to Spitfire's office and banged on the door without saying a word. The last time I had been here was when Spitfire made me the lead pony after congratulating me for a job well done once again. And despite the conditions leading up to this meeting being less than good, I was overjoyed to have any reason to see Spitfire again, even if it was just to be told off.
The guard pushed me forward through the door he had just opened.
Spitfire sat impatiently at her desk, her eyes not fixed on me but on a pile of photographs which she was stamping one by one, autographs for the thousands of fans the Wonderbolts had. Spitfire did not look a day older as she slowly looked up to face me after several long seconds. I expected as much from Spitfire that her anger at me had not lessened one bit either.
She began not by addressing me but by taking a long irrepressible, tired sigh. She dismissed the guard with a wave of her hoof and turned back to me, looking at me but not looking me in the eye.
I sat in awkward silence, unsure of how to greet my teacher who I had disappointed deeply. It never occurred to me that one day I might find myself looking at her again, let alone that she would ever even acknowledge my existence again. But then again, why would she want to remember me after what I had done.
She was mad with me, as she had every right to be.
I sat in complete silence, reluctant to take even a breath as she scrutinised me, clearly wishing she was looking at any pony but me. It was clear she was struggling to find the words to say to me as well, and clear I was the last pony she expected to turn up in her office ever again since she looked at me like an intruder. I might as well never have been her favourite student.
"Give me one good reason I should even talk to you" Spitfire muttered impatiently "Give me one good reason I shouldn't just send you back to jail after all the horrible things you did."
I listen in silence, unable to find the words to reply. I did not want to offend Spitfire any more than I already had.
"Rainbow Dash was right to call you out on your reckless and careless behaviour" explained Spitfire "She's a decent pony who actually knows what being a Wonderbolt is about. You don't."
"Rainbow Dash isn't even a she" I thought to myself, remembering Fluttershy's words "And if I don't know what being a Wonderbolt is, then neither do you Spitfire after you betrayed Soarin like that back at Rainbow falls". But I kept my opinions to myself.
I simply nod.
Spitfire looks at me with a hint of bemusement. "The last pony I expected to see back in my office" she sighs "The last pony I would think of ever making into a Wonderbolt. I used to think you were a good student Dust. But then Dash told me the truth about you and I realised how wrong I was. I was wrong to ever make you the lead pony. In fact, I was wrong to ever have let you into the Wonderbolts academy. Now I realise how wrong I was. Thanks to Dash."
I nod once more, at a loss for words.
"Dash has been a promising student with great potential" She continued, "Never before have I seen such a great flyer in all my years here at the academy. She's fast, skillful and comes first in any race, but mostly, she pushes herself in the right direction, unlike you, she's actually a proper Wonderbolt now. Something you'll never be."
"I'm glad she made it" I eventually manage to say. I meant it. I was not angry at Dash, simply upset that we could not have achieved our dream together.
Spitfire scoffed. "You're just jealous now, aren't you" she teased. "Well, lemme tell you this. Jealousy doesn't get you nowhere in life. And I'm not going to let you back into the Wonderbolts just because you're jealous that your partner made it and you didn't."
I shook my head, once more at a loss for words. Words were redundant anyway.
"I'm disappointed in you Dust, I really am. You betrayed your teammate and made an insult of everything the Wonderbolt's stand for. So give me one good reason I shouldn't just end this conversation. Anything you tell me will be lies, Lightning Dust. It always was."
"I, I understand" were the only words I could think to respond with.
"Good. Now we're going to walk you to your new cell."
"I'll go" I replied, looking at my seemingly flawless and healthy wings which had been covered in scars after the beating that nearly killed me until Fluttershy nursed me back to health. They wouldn't stay that way for long. "But first, with all due respect ma'am, I need to ask you something. Something important"
"I don't need to hear it"
"Please ma'am, permission to ask just one question and then I'll go. I'll go, and this time, I promise I won't try to escape again. Please ma'am."
Spitfire hissed. "What is it?"
I looked up at Spitfire as I took a deep breath. "Why is Soarin so sad" I asked "I saw him outside and he seemed so upset, so quiet and so still. That's not like him at all. He's usually excited and cheerful. What happened to him?"
"Oh I don't know. He's been that way for a while now, but he won't tell me what's up with him. He keeps saying its something about how I'm not being a good friend to him, which is ridiculous. But of course, this is none of your business"
I knew what I was about say next would really wind Spitfire up. But I had to say it. It was speak now or never. If I was going to spend the rest of my life locked in a cell away from those I loved, I had to confess everything I felt. I had to say my side of the story even if it made no difference.
"Tell me" I said, looking Spitfire in the eye so that she knew I was serious "What did you do during the Equestria games. Something happened during the Equestria games and it involved you. I want to know Spitfire. What did you do."
"What do you mean" I saw for a moment a glimmer of doubt in Spitfire's hard eyes. It was clear she knew exactly what I meant.
"Tell me what you did to Soarin during the tryout at Rainbow falls. And tell me, what you tried to do to Rainbow Dash and her team. I want to know."
Spitfire shivered slightly but did not reply.
"I have a right to know ma'am. And even if you don't tell me what you did, I already know. I know everything now. Fluttershy told me everything."
"Who is this Fluttershy?" demanded Spitfire, clearly trying to change the subject.
"My friend"
"I don't believe you. No pony would want to be friends with a reckless bragger like you. Dash certainly wouldn't"
"She was one of your students too."
"You're lying. There is no such student called Fluttershy. I would know."
"Fluttershy isn't her real name" I explained "She had a real name once but she was bullied so badly and called so many horrible names that she forgot what it was and Fluttershy is the only name she has left."
"Well I don't know about her. I think you made that up"
"I don't blame you ma'am. I didn't know her well either. She kept to herself. She's one of Princess Twilight's friends now."
"Now you're just lying." growled Spitfire "I know princess Twilight and I would know if this so called Fluttershy was one of her friends."
"Twilight didn't talk about her much, she told me. No pony talked about her much. But Fluttershy saw everything that happened during the Equestria games and she told me everything. I know what you did Spitfire. You tried to make Rainbow Dash abandon her team and to join your team so that Ponyville would lose. You knew she looked up to you and you took advantage of that respect to manipulate her. And you threw your friend Soarin away, thinking he wouldn't notice anything. Well, I think he's noticed now."
"I would never do anything like that." protested Spitfire. "How dare you accuse me of such things."
"And Fluttershy said that you apologised to him afterwards simply because your plan to make Rainbow Dash abandon her team failed."
And before Spitfire could protest, I slammed my hoof onto the desk. Now was the time to spill my guts out, I had nothing to lose.
"Apologies doesn't mean anything when its nothing but empty words Spitfire. And I think that's what you don't understand Spitfire. I did feel sorry for my mistakes, I did feel sorry that I had nearly killed five innocent ponies with my tornado. You think that because I didn't say "I'm sorry" I wasn't sorry. You don't understand how sorry I am. I'll never get a full night's sleep again knowing what I did. I was too regretful in that moment to form the words. It was a moment of weakness Spitfire. And sometimes, it makes no difference whether or not you apologise."
"Apologising is the most important thing to do when you make a mistake" protested Spitfire. "Which you didn't"
I shake my head. "If I had killed those five ponies with my tornado and apologised, apologising would not have brought them back to life."
I resisted the urge to let Spitfire reply. I knew I had the advantage.
"You betrayed Soarin because you liked Rainbow Dash better Spitfire" I explained sadly "How do I know you didn't expel me for the same reason."
"Are you trying to say that it wasn't your fault five innocent ponies nearly died. Because if that's what it is then just be quiet. There's no point defending yourself. You've already been proven wrong and you're going back to jail no matter what."
"I'm not trying to say what I did was right or even good Spitfire, don't misunderstand me. I'm simply wondering if that's the way you treat your closest friend Spitfire, just how I can trust you anymore. If you're willing to do what you did to Soarin, simply because Rainbow Dash was a better flyer than him, then did you only do what you did to me because..."
Spitfire only shook her head.
"And Spitfire. When you expelled me from the academy, you didn't ask me what happened, you only asked Rainbow Dash."
"I didn't need to ask you anything. Rainbow Dash told me all about what happened."
"That's not fair Spitfire. If you really care about your students as much as you say you do, shouldn't we all have equal rights. And thus, shouldn't you have let me tell you my side of the story. Isn't part of being fair about innocent until proven guilty. And should I not have had a chance to defend myself."
Spitfire shook her head sadly. "Fine. Go on Lightning Dust. Go on. Beg, plead, ask for a second chance. Say you were right and that Dash was wrong. I'm listening."
"I plead guilty" I replied quietly, "But I'm still confused about something. Rainbow Dash created the tornado with me. She went along with my plan to create that tornado and if she hadn't helped me, the tornado wouldn't have been so serious. So why was she not punished?"
"Because she apologised. She felt regret and you didn't"
"By that logic" I retorted "What your saying is that if I strangle a pony to death and then apologise, that makes what I did okay. Do you see the problem yet."
I batted my eye. There wasn't much left for me to say. "And for what it's worth Spitfire, I don't want to be a Wonderbolt again."
Spitfire looked confused.
"For me to try and be a Wonderbolt again would mean I learned nothing from my mistake. But I don't deserve to be a Wonderbolt again Spitfire, I had my chance and I failed. And actually, having a friend in Fluttershy helped me realise something. I never wanted to be a part of your parade Spitfire. I don't need to be a part of your masquerade. All I ever wanted, was a chance to walk with every pony else."
"I'm glad you expelled me from the academy Spitfire" I confess "it's only now that I realise how valuable my time as a Wonderbolt was. Its only now that I realise how wrong my actions were. Dreams come slow Spitfire. Dreams come slow and they go so fast. And I was wrong to think that my dream would last. I was wrong. I tried too hard to make my dream last, and that was selfish. I' sorry
I turn away, only to find that while I was talking to Spitfire, another pony had entered the room silently. For there in the doorway, stood Soarin, clearly angry , but not at me.
He pointed accusingly at Spitfire who looked at him with a look of utter shock. "Give Lightning Dust the second chance she deserves" he demanded. "Bring Lightning Dust back into the academy."