- Member Since 12th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen April 17th
Sirius_Face
Just another struggling writer.
Sirius_Face
Joined 12th Feb, 2012 ·
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That depends. Does it involve Betty White in dominatrix armor.
.....I'll read the story now.
Okay, I've finished reading it. (I read fast. Sue me.) It was definitely dark and slightly uncomfortable but I'm guessing that's what you were going for when writing this and definitely succeeded in that. I enjoyed it a great deal.
Though this may just be me, but I was totally getting some ROOTS vibes when Rainbow was getting whipped. Kunta Kinte-style
Oops, that was insensitive. 내 잘못이 야
Rainbow Dash's mark is based on flight speed, her wings are plucked and bound. Even if it works the Caribou have no way to prove to her it works
7441204
I'm glad you caught that. They won't know, and neither will she.
7441176
I'm glad you enjoyed it. But no, that may be just you getting those vibes. Dash's whipping is nothing at all like what happens in Roots, and I personally wouldn't go that route.
Great work Sirius. Keep it up!
Seems hyperbolic. There necessarily can't always be more to take. Depending on the composition of what is being taken there is a natural limit. If "more" means "more, proportionally speaking" that stops being possible after 50% has been taken. If it means "more, absolutely" that stops being true once the last unit has been reached, then it becomes taking constituent parts, such as the last crumb of a cookie can only be broken until the last bit of the cooked structure has been reached containing portions of all the component ingredients, becoming just the break off of individual molecules that are not a cookie proper. Even in terms of mental things being taken, it is all a matter of certain chemicals. There is a limit to how much can be pushed through the axons and how much can even be in the brain at once. Unless you're a substance dualist, in which case, we'll, there still could be a hard limit to how much "mind/soul "stuff"" can be pushed into the system.
Also, yay! Roots. When do they cut off the feet and Institute Jane Crow laws and make minstrel shows? The sexism is basically used exactly like racism. So where is the logical outgrowth?
7442773
Oh I was hoping you'd comment.
I think when you talk about how there will always be a limit or threshold to take before there isn't anything left, I think you forget that in this AU, there are a lot of females like Dash who want to fight, and can in fact have more taken from them. And when one is done with, you move on to the next, and so forth. It's not truly hyberbolic. Every one female is a project, and so far my antagonist for this story is the only one who gives a crap about changing things to the way they were in his homeland, where there was no such thing as a black collar slave. And also, one only needs to take enough to make the other person change and fall in line with how the oppressor believes she should be. Once the conversion is done, you move on to the next person. Maybe the conversion isn't true, and it's faked. Doesn't matter. That victim is ultimately changed, even if they fake their conversion. They can't fake everything though, and over time, it gets easier to pretend, until at some point the victim is fooling themselves, and the conversion becomes real.
And no, there is no Roots connection here. At least not intentionally. If the reader gets that feeling across, it's not because I set it up to be that way. I will not touch any material on Roots and translate it into FoE. Roots is too real for me to parody, and would be too much of an insult to real life history if ever did anything like say, the whipping scene, or a scene were slaves are chained together on a ship.
7442798
But they are chained together and treated like slaves in real life. Or worse. Which is why I made the comparison. Also, again, unless there is a reproductive strategy that has no limit, not even by land area, there will be an end to the number of women. Everything has an end, logically speaking.
7442807
Logically speaking, yes. There is an end goal to all this. At some point, provided all goes accordingly, total control is established. Or the illusion of it is. Because lets be honest, you cannot fully control every single person. It's not possible. Living thinking creatures can't always be controlled completely.
But I think this gets away from my story. It's not meant to talk about the future of every single mare. It's meant to only show that there are in fact more things that can be taken away from an enslaved mare other than the obvious. It's cruel, but true. For the time being, there is more to take.
I'm a little surprised this is your big sticking point. You and I could go back and forth on the merits of how to control and use a person, but this feels a bit too much like reaching on your part for something to complain about. I'm sure this story has plenty more you could pick at
I would disagree. I think slapping her pussy without her consent qualifies as rape. Particularly because he also does it in order to cause unresolved arousal in her. I also think torture is missing in your list of potential triggers as well.
That said, this is a great story so far, better than most other stories in NCN's group. I'd even go as far as saying it's the best one right now, but then again I've only seen the first chapter so far. I already look forward to the next one.
Refreshingly dark with a strong aroma of hopelessness. Exactly what I have come to expect from this universe.
I adore how well you created the feeling of dead without rape but with psychological torture and I love the attitude of the blacksmith.
Well done!
7442823
Some things are subjective and take a lot of twists and turns. Other things are logical and can be broken down to simple truth tables. I find lately there is comfort in the certainty of logic (it's better than nothing for soothing anxiety attacks.) And I always liked logic, the only part of math that I could get, which intersected with a love of philosophy. So I like taking on adages and platitudes, to reveal the subjectivity and inaptness. My objection in other directions would be that your claim of a lack of rape or your claim of not being anything like Roots is understandable and even commendable cognitive dissonance. This kind of exploration is like standing in the middle of a room and saying you're exploring an alien world. It doesn't actually go anywhere or explore anything but the inner space. Which leads to the idea that you're not talking about what others might do but how you feel about your own connection to consequence-free power and what limits you have on consent. I like the thought experiment aspect of it but, again, it's like... did you ever see that episode of Star Trek TNG where Data lands on the Renaissance world and the local intellectual "explains" what he is and where he came from using zero-measurement ratiocination? It's like that. Without taking real-world measurements these kinds of written thought experiments on power are disconnected from exploration and are rather a public show of personal relationships with the concepts, especially if they form a pattern and no money is being exchanged (mercenary production versus free production.)
7446346
You raise good points. I still say what I've said before in the past to you though; FoE is not the place to find logic or real world mechanics. FoE is fantasy, dark fantasy. It can have a story and some thought behind it, but again, it's just fantasy material that demands a level of disbelief. Not everyone has that, and that's fine. The exploration you bring up is fine, but that wasn't the purpose of this story. The focus was pretty narrow, because it needed to be. World building, character development, happens over a number of stories. So far I only have one that counts as canon, so maybe if I write more, I can paint a better developed world. If I want to. Again, fantasy demands a level of disbelief, and FoE demands more than most.
7448105
I may have been ruined by two things, simply aging and getting training.
I've been to university. Like, "stay up until butt o'clock in the morning with tea and a book of Elizabethan drama, a book on American poetry and a book on drama while the roommate is slightly down the hall playing League of Legends" university. I discussed Marlowe with a tenured professor and the significance of vore in the furry Fandom in a paper about literary depictions of cannibalism. I know how the bits and pieces work, how all the cogs and gears mesh and click. You can see it in my own Clop. Nothing is accidental, there are entire worlds going on. Half of "The Proscenium Arch" is deep-down story, emotionally-driven contemplation, musings on the idea of self-loathing, that is, a personal and not a universal thing. Even the eventually-zany "Iron Will" stories have overtones of religion, cultural differences and hamonization, well-meaning corruption, legal conflict and how love is defined. I know this is not always the case. I just think it's better if it makes sense. If you can throw a stone through something by asking an incredibly basic question, that thing is not good.
As for the age... that's age and experience. A lot of philosophy, literature and good old fashioned agnostic atheism has taken away my belief in the power of the man behind Baum's curtain, or Melville's pasteboard mask. I give more weight to Rawls' Veil, as it should be. I embraced my family tradition of union-loving liberals and socially conscious empathetic people. I don't giggle like I'm ten when AJ dies in a barrel, or when someone who looks like a nazi Viking says a bad word. It's cheap, childish, cringe worthy. Malicious glee looks petty from the outside, dull and plodding. Mostly because malicious glee is focused on the childish act of breaking something, and as a grown adult I know that at the very least you need to sweep up, if not mop, scrub and either repair the broken thing or get a new one. Even if I were divorced from consequences, I would forever rememver, someone still has to take the blow. I be a terrible God, because I'd care about creation, rather than lording over it like a drunken manchild.
I also may have expressed myself bad,y, Re: exploration. What I mean is that I see a lot of justification for malicious glee justified as exploration or thought experiments, that they destroy things in writing to actually explore something real. But my position is you can't. You can't explore ultimate human truths as a universal without input from other humans, you only have your own assumptions and reactions. You can start the dialogue but can't conclude it on your own. Here, you started your personal idea of cognitive dissonance, your private concepts of rape/not-rape, slavery/not-slavery, abuse/not-abuse. You don't think things are what they appear to be because of reasons you fathom and try to present to others. If that is not the case, then why does what anyone say matter? This would be the written equivalent of a doodle that means nothing and says only a little about what you will do without being paid. But that you admit it gets you physically stimulated and thus appeals to you undercuts that idea and raises the questions I ask.
I may have said to much.
7448462
While I do love it when you comment, I often feel like you simply take it too seriously. We are not in class, and I have a feeling we've both been out of university for a long while. All the points you're making here are valid and I can see where you're coming from, but what I write is not intended to be thought heavily on. I would say it's not meant to be reflected on either, as I really have no message to give to the reader, no lesson in this story to offer. The purpose of this given story is just to showcase an episode of Fall of Equestria proper. I would hope it's a good episode, I feel it is, but that is all I intend it to be. There is no intended extra meaning here, and in trying to look for meaning, you're essentially getting yourself lost.
Now, if the reader infers meaning, that's on the reader. If someone read this story and assumed I like torture, I would roll my eyes and remind the reader, "I am not the fiction that I write." It's the same rule one must acknowledge about a person who consumes a given media format. If someone likes watching movies or plays video games with lots of violence, that does not mean they must be a violent person. That's a small tangent I feel I needed to air out.
If you want to take this story and hold it up to the light, look over its angles and wonder what to make of it, I will simply say this: it is what it is. It is fantasy. Fantasy abides by no one's logic.
Also, when did I say this content gets me physically stimulated? It's true I have a Fall of Equestria story that does have a sex tag, but would you call it dark (maybe not since it seems to have not gotten your attention). It's not canon, it also is a one shot piece of sudden inspiration, but I would say that got more physical stimulation out of me than this piece did. Does the Fall-verse itself give me some physical stimulation? Only some areas, but not as a whole. Well, to each their own in that regard.
Now, I have to imagine that, given all the comments back and forth we've done, you at least enjoyed some aspect of this story??? I mean, if you hated this, I can't imagine we'd be commenting like this.
7448587
I think you glossed over the idea that if you get no stimulation, are not being paid and have no real meaning to this, your writing is a doodle. If you're not trying to enlighten and inform or state truths about yourself or your thoughts it seems like a lot of effort. Though it may be something else. I'm open enough to admit mental illness helped some of my motivation. I wrote a novella essentially in breaks during class time because my OCD would not let me stop once I had found a flow and had all the ideas coming. Then again, the story was my own allegory about homosexual relationships in the modern Era and my thoughts on lost-focus gay pride. So take that as you will.
This comes back to the point: If you don't like torture, maledom, societal destruction, cultural genocide and Nordic fascists, why write about them with so much worshipful passion? Why create them at all? You make the conscious choice to make them be, ex nihilo and de novo to varying degrees. If you didn't love them you wouldn't create them. I don't think you ever said why you make all the things you do, including destruction of icons of hope for the proles and those not involved in fancy rich sex, if you didn't want to make a world where the poor masses are chattel and meat for the rapacious moneyed class.
Funnily enough, that may be the sole objection I have to the Fall. Well, one of the core ones. It is universal as opposed to interpersonal, it unduly affects the masses as opposed to the small sliver of ultra rich folks that would have the time, absolute lack of world distraction and inclination to care about overly complicated dominance games and eternal slavery, and it comes with raging state-based absolutist hate (woman = dumb may as well be two legs bad, four legs good).
In this story, there's nothing for me. But YOU have talent. I don't come here for the content, I come for you and your skill. You have it and I know it. Heck, your old Power Ponies story inspired mine. That doesn't happen that often. Frankly, I actually like you as a person, in the aspects that don't touch on questionable matters. Like Ray Comfort. A horrible, smug charlatan who will misrepresent opponents to win at any cost, but personally is at least a kind human being in most cases. Your fantasies are shocking but you are a decent person with skills to spare. I like "Trials of Supermare" because she ESCAPED. I play Skyrim because you can destroy the Dark Brotherhood, I like Zootopia because among other things Bellwether is arrested. Anything can be positive if you have a happy ending (see: "The Proscenium Arch", "Motherhood, Mayhem and the Mane-iac's Return", "Apple Shrugged", "Wicked master's honest servant"). Given we've both been in the halls of ivy, we're not that different as people. I'm just an unapologetic socialist who can't unlearn or unremember things. Like those folks who say "science doesn't work that way" or "the law doesn't work that way." Even if I play dumb and shut up my mind still cringes over obvious errors and negatives. I don't think "shut your brain off" actually works, and the MST3K mantra is kind of amusingly hypocritical because they do nothing but nitpick at errors in fiction.
Frankly, your demonstrated skill is such that if I had money I would fall over myself to pay you to write a fetish story because I know you can, with great aplomb. If I ever finish this new project I want to do about a very different kinds do of sex world I would flop sweat like a prom date over asking you to contribute.
7449333
Are you saying that you always destroy the DB in every single run? Otherwise, I don't get your argument.
Oh? Now you've got my attention. What are you going to do exactly?
7449333
Ah, I apologize, I wasn't very clear in my last post. I wrote this story because it came to me in a burst of inspiration. Writing this story came to me fairly easy, and after the long dry spell I've had, I couldn't not write this. And I do enjoy some aspects of FoE very much, but I'm not going to break down point by point what I like and why. I don't imagine it's too hard to figure out what those aspects of FoE are if you know where to look. Part of me gave up trying to understand why I like what I like, and now I simply accept that I just do. I'm happier for it, rather than question myself and wonder if something is wrong with me as a person. This is where I feel you and I differ. I'm standing back and taking in the whole project, trying to see a bigger picture, where you're standing closer and looking into the fine detail for the truth. I take things for face value, most of the time.
Thank you by the way for the kind words regarding my ability to write. I might get more credit from you than I deserve though. I never finished that Power Pony story and I doubt I ever will. I can only do the best I can with a story while I can. So when inspiration hits, I need to follow through with it, because it happens rarely. We can't all craft and publish 70+ stories.
Also, if this means anything, I generally always join the Dark Brotherhood first. Another example might be in Fallout 4 - I enjoyed taking out every faction. I didn't agree with any of them, and I took pleasure blowing up their bases.
Also, I sent you a direct message regarding something specific you mentioned.
7450753
I am not a scientist, anymore. I started that way, but realized I was better at humanities. But I never lost the scientist in my heart. Again, mental illness. I am compelled to know, to understand. To not know is almost painful. I look over myself with a microscope because I must understand me, what I am and who I am. Again, like Racham I have to know why I like what I like. Oddly, this makes for better stories. Like distillation, it makes the desire purer. Cutting away the useless and irrelevant I get my fetishes down to the minutes to essence, and then understand WHY I like them, even if it comes down to an odd axiom. Then I can write about them with glorious freedom. But it doesn't work for everyone. I am super glad your system works for you, it works well, and I hope to everything that can be hoped to that it keeps working forever. In an odd twist, I genuinely want you to have success.
7449820
Not in the first run, because I needed the achievement. Ahh OCD. Completionism is a curse. But all other times, yes. Specifically. Heck, I wish you could off Cicero and destroy the Nightmother. Lore be damned, end it. I also would have eliminated the Companions because they follow what was basically Nord Hitler. But as well, I would have been rid of the Ayleids too. And the Dwemer.
The idea is what amounts to a complete inversion, if such a thing can be quantified, of the usual slave world. Imagine a dude, a really nice and moral dude. A blue/white collar, doesn't matter, liberal socialist who works for his money and understands that people are real people and not chattel. The Author tells him that thanks to certain realities, his world absolutely has to, by necessity, have female slavery in it, and it must be a big thing. But, here are some maps to ancient Magic Macguffins and if you go here at this time and use the magic items this way you will literally unweave the Caribou from the universe, otherwise they will come to power no matter what.
So, he becomes a literal living God. A God who understands his folk are people, and while slavery must be, he can do everything in his power to make it suck as little as possible. Slaves are unionized, they have the equivalent of OSHA and HR, they get awards and bonuses for good performance, there are things like "milker of the week" and "maid of the month" at homes and businesses, they get a salary that is theirs and given in legal tender not scrip. Anyone who wants out signs documents without need of their master's consent and moves to the Freehold Republic, which has comparable amounts of arable land, water and resources. Masters are more regulated than food and drink, and can suffer penalties from hefty fines to public execution for crimes of violence, as citizens are the core of the state, and violence against slave citizens is violence against the state. Women are in chains and on leashes but freely educated, allowed to compete on an even intellectual footing and excel at occupations. Lesbians are a protected class, rather than the first victims (that's a super creepy aspect of a lot of sex worlds that I wanted to do something about.) Basically, Imperator Invictus Rex is the kind of god you hear about in all those hymns that seem nice (On Eagle's Wings, Here I am Lord, You are mine, Be not afraid, Gather us in, Ubi Caritas) but he actually is nice. It's not whitewashing, it's fact. Eh, unless you do violence against his protected people. Then he is 100% Dies Irae and the population cheers for his anger.
7450876
Dude.
There are a lot of follow-up questions here. For example, what about the Talos cult? Talos was just as much an asshole as Ysgramor. Aren't there some people who think they were both incarnations of Lorkhan? Also, I guess you feel the same about the Stormcloaks, but the Empire isn't exactly nice either. What about the Thalmor? Is there even any faction in the Elder Scrolls universe that you can get behind?
Also, your idea for a parody of slaver universes sounds fun, but runs the risk of glorifying either slavery or capitalism-imperialism, or both, depending on how you set it up.
7451399
Yeah, I'm an Imperial supporter because you end up, by necessity, doing a LOT of moral calculations. You hold your nose and pick, though the choice is superficially easier because, ignoring what the Empire was forced to do at swordpoint with the Thalmor, they at least aren't regressive barbarian scum who are overtly racist nationalists. I'll even admit that when I had a gap in my caribou knowledge I pasted in a mix of Stormcloaks and Nazis, which was surprisingly easy. One objection I had to Skyrim is they go too far in Postmodernism and make the entire world a murky mess of ugly browns and sickly grays. No one is all that likeable as a group. Several characters are perfectly nice, like Shahvee, which is why I always marry her, or Scouts-Many-Marshes.
Well the idea is that it's slavery in name only, at best. It's more an elaborate, Empire-wide stage show where all the actors know they're acting. It's also an empire because why not? The only other option would be an overt theocracy run by the God and not agents thereof, which you can argue it kind of is, but he would reject cultic status even though he attained apotheosis. It's a mixed capitalist system based more on a socialist welfare state because they are run by a God who can make the weather behave. It's not glorifying, it's more moral algebra. "If X is not optional, but is the only hard necessity, then mitigating factors Y, Z, N, M and P can be added to reduce the damage of X and make the world Veil of Ignorance compliant." I leaned HARD on the Veil of Ignorance for this, as well as the cake cutter apportioning thought experiment, and did say that the slavery could be left though simple emigration to a free state with most favored nation status. With a small allotment of funds to help with resettlement. Unlike some (Hjpobwyss, Xabbtwnumxv, Tpwolfwteoroeosqk, encrypted for my protection) I actually thought about this and give a damn.
7452245
I'm not even going to ask about Fallout 4....
7468615
I don't play Fallout. I just don't. It's too much of a crapsack setting without charm or humor as I would want it. I played the first one and marginally enjoyed a lot of the ironized touches, the 50s iconography and Lileks-like humor. But it seemed to get more and more cynical, insincere and tragically hip, before subsuming itself into the blandness of HaloCallOfDutyModernWarfareDeadspace nothingness, just another FPS nothing with "edgy" morals and "complicated" horrible characters.
This is, I believe, the first story on FimFiction I've read that contained pussy spanking.
A damn shame there's so little of it here.
7469201
Lol I'm sure there must be other examples of it elsewhere. There's little to no chance I'm the first one to write about it on here.
7470327
Oh, there's numerous examples where the final flick of the whip or strike of the paddle hits that mark (usually followed by an orgasm), but just spanking the pussy directly, not so much. Incidentally, that's the most erotic part of this story for me. The buildup to it, with her tormentor making sure she'll be wet before he does it, it's so humiliating, so sadistic, I can't help but love reading it.
That was...disturbing, but well written.
I dreaded reading every following sentence, as I knew something horrible was going to happen, but was drawn forward anyway. And when Twilight branded Rainbow...
(Shudders)
As I said, well written and disturbing, but I can't deny that it's a good story. Even if it is one with content I find detestable.
7609156
I'm honestly a little curious now to know what convinced you to give this story a read despite not liking the content, if you don't mind sharing.
I'm not sure which I should thank you for the most; complimenting my story, or giving something you don't like a chance. I'm kind of leaning on the later
7609684 I've been trying to read things outside my comfort zone, and I'm also planning a FoE fic in the future, so I've been checking these out.
Mostly I've just been sickened by how little care was put into writing realistic believable characters in favor of all the dark clop.
7469201
"Daring Done", my story under that title.
Ahuizotl spanks Daring on the mound while she's bound.
To be honest I was wondering how RD was going to be taken down. I think this was perfect for her. I am sadden to see this happen to her. Destroying the things she loved and having Twilight do it and having Twilight Show that she's not just a mindless toy was a nice touch. I like this story. Hope to see more.
Eh