This fic is set in a world where instead of Rainbow Dash being sent to get Pinkie for her Birthday party on Party of One, it was Twilight that was given the task of getting her. But Pinkie doesn't want to go, since she thinks her friends aren't good friends anymore. And instead of just dragging Pinkie to Applejack's barn like Rainbow did, Twilight has other ideas that will prove her friendship to Pinkie.
This is a minor clopfic, it has sexual themes, but there are no explicit words and no penetration.
Chapters (1)
Grammar is a bit messy
Too much separate dialogs in one paragraph
Seems a bit rushed.
Son, I am disappoint.
::Oh god why::
778813
Well, to be completely honest, it was rushed. I woke up in the morning and just thought about it and wrote it. I didn't bother sending it in to have the grammar checked or anything. I just wanted to see if anyone would like the story, and if a lot of people did then I'd write more, but put more effort into them. Seems like that's not gonna happen, though.
It wasn't bad, it was actually well made, I just dont really enjoy this type of writing.
I just wanted to see what it was like.
I found this one good enough to be willing to read more if you released
Also i love Rainbows comment at the end
soooo,... if a horn is equivalent to a penis and using magic is like ejactulation... -oh god why meme-
I love it, TwiPie is my favorite shipping and you did a good job^^
It was good but as DragonLS Said Grammer,looked rushed,and a bit messy
Overall: A good story.
This is wonderfully sweet for a dirty fic. A wonderful sweet bit of Twinkie fluff. Good show, sir!
895432
Thank you very much, it makes me really happy to see that someone really enjoyed this!
925469
Like I said to DragonLS, it was rushed, so that's why it looked rushed, and I didn't bother letting it get pre-read, so it is a little messy. But, I'm glad you liked it overall, and I thank you for a critique that isn't just yelling "this fic sucks!" I can't stand it when people do that.
940575
Thank you, sir!
Wait a.....what?
Wha...but....
WHAT?!?!?!
They had SEX?!
tawnya.us/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/poker-face.jpg
I have the WIERDEST boner right now.
No Mr hand
Not bad for a first. Your sentence structure could have been more varied, and there are boo-boos in grammar around. Enjoyed it though. Improvements to be made would increase how easy it is to read and make people enjoy it more.
I'm coming back and reading this after a few months. MAN, it is ugly! The grammar is so horrible! I edited the first few paragraphs and now they look much better, but the rest of the fic is just plain gross. I may come back later and fix the rest, but, honestly, right now, I'm too tired. So I'm gonna push it off for now.
And the entire time Gummy is just off screen... watching..... happy after-birthday party Gummy....
I did not notice they lacked that. In fact, without that author's note, it really just seemed to me like they went all the way off screen. And that's the way Im continuing to interpret it.
At first I was thinking "Poor Twilight. She doesn't seem to realize what she's doing."
and
"Naughty Pinkie, letting her misguided friend do all that."
But then I started thinking.. "Ok...maybe Twilight does realize what she's doing"
Rainbow Dash's reaction when she rushes to Sugarcube Corner to collect Pinkie Pie and Twilight:
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3093-13299388864079.png
What Rainbow Dash starts thinking about:
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How Rainbow Dash looks during that thought, to Pinkie Pie and Twilight:
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1009_338280_128230760615908_100002869546264_137310_1487343856_o.jpg
And so Twilight and Pinkie let Rainbow Dash to her own thoughts while they take care of some more unsettled business:
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/144/6/c/sweet_and_magic_by_deihiru-d5105vj.jpg
Meanwhile the princesses were and still are watching via scrying spell:
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My Little Pervert: F***ing is Magic
2405966
You had me laughing quite a bit!
And now I have a pretty nice picture of Twinkie.
Good show, sir!
little bit messy in grammar but it was good i congladulate you wit a sandvich
this is strange cause it happens easyly but didn't have a orgi.thank god..
Pinkamena and Twi hanging out together having a great romantic time. Me gusta. :3