Such a pretty story :3

I feel like this fic would work better with a thriller tag, personally.

This fic... I can't even explain how much I love this story, AWESOME WORK BRO!

7875858 Keep reading, it gets better. Coltstein is a badass and a very smart detective.

7875969 I can explain the reason why he's a therapist. He actually isn't, and was just placed in that position to get closer with his killer/victim. He's a licensed detective, and once you reach a certain chapter, you'll figure out how he knows so much about the law

All the comments are positive but if youve read my coments in previous chapters you know I don't like the main character. So. Final thoughts. Started great. Apple bloom a dimented murderer? Spooky my friend. Then the main character is all this bullshit that doesn't really make sense. How can one pony be a therapist. A detective. And went to law school. And on top of all this. He's a ghost killer? Actually I thought the last bit was just thrown on for the sake of an epilogue. Story was ok plotwise. I liked the whole mind of a demon thing and was executed well. Though it did bounce around a little as far as the tone went. Went from holy shit thats dimented to ok this is turning into an action story. The writing. Definitely rushed. This story could have easily been a small novel if it hadn't been rushed. Which isn't a bad thing. I'd read it. Overall. 6/10. -5 for the fantasy fulfillment main character because that shit annoys me. +1 for the plot ark. Could have been executed better. But only writing wise.

7877110 Alright, that's your opinion and I respect it, but apparently you didn't read my last comment. He isn't a therapist, and Coltstein knows so much about the law is because he was never very social and mostly like Twilight. He spent more time studying and reading books on lots of subjects, including law. He's just a very clever detective who has been around for a long time in the field of law. If you don't like him, that's fine.

7876704
This could be true. Obviously we have no canons for how the law works in equestria tho ive only just recently gotten back into the MLP stuff and finished season 6 so I could be wrong. But if the writer was trying to base this character on how the law works then it would be so far from right. You can't just "be made a therapist" for the sake of the investigation. You actually need a license to work in an asylum for that. Not to mention this would corrupt any unbiased notions that police and detectives are supposed to reseve regarding cases. On the note of realism I would make the argument that a cop could never put their hands on a detainee (zecora) like that during an interogation, but honestly we all know cops are capable of some pretty shitty things.

Such a great story!!!!!! Good work!!

First off, Excellent story, I was on the edge of my seat reading this wanting to know what happens next, so much so that I spent all night reading it and now I am about to collapse. But before I do I have one question I have been wracking my brain with.

I don't know if it is because I missed something because I am so tired but I am wondering. What did the sheriff gain from his role in all of this?

8990002
Coltstein and the sheriff don't really have a pleasant history, and Hoofman is a crooked cop. He doesn't care who he puts in a jail or mental facility, as long as he gets an arrest on his record. He told the CMC about the chant to summon Annie, as a way to cause chaos for them and earn him an arrest like the crooked cop he is.

I can't stop reading this one every time I get done with one of your others or finish a chapter of one of my own and publish it, I come straight to this story.

9125119
That's pretty messed up.

K, so... the main guy is a therapist.
Sure.
He gets taken to the restricted section of the library by the librarian.
Certainly!
He pulls out a hand gun and blindly at the first shadow he sees.
Wait, what?
A voice tells him to get out, through a door that doesn't exist anymore.
O.o
His friend tells him that the restricted section was decommissioned years ago.
Wait... so, why did the career librarian he bribed to stay late take him to a section that didn't exist?
Why is a child psychologist terrified of a child with schizophrenia symptoms? Why is he armed with a weapon he can't use, being handless and an earth pony.

7 chapters, but I'm calling out for now. I'll come back to it in the future and let you know what I think when I get over the random of all that.

10068700
First, he's not a therapist, he's undercover as one. Second, he's a detective on a murder case, he's allowed anywhere he wants to get the info he needs. Third, the entity is playing tricks on him as a way of intimidation, seeing it's scared of him, knowing he can potentially foil her plan to take over Apple Bloom as a new vessel, which also applies to the librarian and why she let him access it in the first place. Fourth, is it even worth arguing how hooves can work as hands? How can Octavia strum her cello if she can't grip her bow, but magically manages to, and she's an earth pony? Hand guns are no exception to cartoon logic. Fifth, wouldn't you get startled if you were in his situation as well? It's the body's natural reaction to potential dangers or threats. He's still a pony with emotions, so this is not unnatural.

10077311
Wow... I have to read more of it.
I totally jumped the gun and made a comment before I should have.
The library scene just befuddled me.

10077353
Thank you for being respectful enough to see my points. My older works aren't my best either, so if something seems out of place, it most likely is. This story was meant to keep readers guessing, rather than just giving the answers out in full description. I leave certain topics in the story unexplained for a reason, and that's how I've always written my works. I prefer to give the reader a reading experience where they can come up with their own endings, and fill in the blanks that are not explained fully on their own.

This was really awesome!!! I'm super glad with how everything ended, and yhat evil demon was defeated. Hooray!!!!

11052512
I appreciate it! Glad you enjoyed it!

Pretty interesting story, however there are some things that I didn't like:
1-I said this in previous chapters, but the use of hell and heaven was kinda strange, considering MLP has a place you could call hell, that being tartarus.
2-the love story was extremely rushed in my opinion
3-there are some repetitions in some chapters

11568932
Dw, I wholeheartedly agree. There's a lot of things I wish I could go back and rewrite, but I look at this story as a stepping stone in my growth as a writer overall. I've improved majorly ever since, but I appreciate you taking the time to read it!