Shortly after the events of 'Amending Fences', Moondancer decides to move into Twilight's old home.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 6th Nov, 2015
- offline last seen May 8th, 2016
BlandPony
"Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on." - Louis L'Amour
BlandPony
Joined 6th Nov, 2015 ·
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BlandPony · 1.8k words · 27 1 · 899 views
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The feels! So deep! I almost cried writing this... That's a good thing... I ain't read a story, fan or actual author, like this in years... Thank you for the spark. The hope... The rekindling of my dead soul Pikuchi. Thank you...
7065952
Aw, thank you for the very kind words!
7065990 No problems. But I mean it. I felt... alive by the time I finished reading this. And the trust thing? I felt Moondancers pain.
You know, it wasn't bad.
First off, the story structure was pretty decent. I felt like you did a good job balancing description and invoking imagination. I thought it was a sort of interesting thing to let Moondancer see Twilight and her friends journal. Grammatically speaking, I didn't see anything wrong. I'm sure there are minor issues through out the story, but I didn't see any. I felt like Moondancer was also kept within her character. The emotions were great, I think you did a wonderful job with that.
That being said, the plot itself was flat. I got the feelings of gratitude and such from Moondancer. But other than that, this felt like a short excerpt from a larger story/series or the prologue to something bigger. There is just no... "drive" in the story. I feel like if you had something pushing Moondancer along, like the joys and troubles of moving, then it would have held a much more entertaining plot. Like if she had issues with the Royal Guard and her trying to move in. Or moving company ended up on the other side of Canterlot. Or there were legal issues involved. Or even making a new friend with where she is living now. Or even expanding on that trust part.
Still, I gave you a thumb up because you did a marvelous job with the emotional content.
7066055
7065990
You know what, I think he might be right... You may have an arc for a story here. Why not continue it?
This was a great story. I really liked the fact that Twilight send those friendship reports to Moon Dancer.
I hope we will see more of Moon Dancer in season 6.