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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, at least he doesn't break her leg or pin her hoof on a wall with a thrown knife before calling a medic.
I liked this chapter.
6891205 glad to hear it, I was trying to make him both bit of an asshole but yet also seem like he does care.
He's like a meaner Sargeant Gunnery.
6891468 no idea who that is
Mendez....
I know what you did there
6891468
And less mean than that Starship Troopers' sergeant I previously mentioned
I see what you did there with that Halo reference!
6891484
6891694
I was wondering if anyone was going to see that.
6891472 R. Lee Ermy of Lock N' Load fame
6892067 ah ok. not familiar with it.
6891472
oh good its the drill sergent from hell
I really loved this chapter. Drill sargeants are VERY interesting people.
First Tom Clancy now Major Briggs! Who's the next, Josh Scortcher?!
Next couple of DAYS?
"And with that he turned on his heels"
"Federal Army due to the fact it is very", an old favorite here.
"Thermal scope due the fact she had", and again ^^.
"hadn’t seen due to the base being", ^^'.
There is two more at the end but one I'm not sure how it would be the right way and the other is just a "he" in caps, also some ponctuation but that is all.
I know this is very bothersome and will not be doing it again, sorry anything.
Nice tale by the way.
At least he isn't as bad as that full metal jacket still sergeant.
7357760 I love that movie he was great
So Twilight gets to be trained in the same way Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 and the rest of the SPARTAN-IIs were. Welp, she's gonna suffer for now, then appreciate the bastard later.
Also, please, PLEASE, check your homonyms. I don't know if it gets better in this story or its sequels, but every time "do to the fact" has appeared, it should have been "due to the fact". I also noticed that in a previous chapter, a pistol's sights were spelled "sites".
7370673 HA! You're comparing THAT to the Spartan Program? What Twi has been through so far is actually fairly tame compared to what even OUR basic training is like.
Can't speak for what is in store later, but so far, not as tough as what I went through. Though the paintball gun is a nice touch. Those do sting a little.
7370673 You must not know what they and she went through, what twi is going through is to me a extremely watered down version of training. What Master chief petty officer sierra John-117 went though. The chief basically went though medical testing to make his body more stronger then a body builder, he went though and survived a jungle on a random planet and saving EVERYONE with him, he went though all that to become(to me atleast) the most strongest and most trained Spartan that's ever been made, and that's all the shit he went though after the training. Hell he survived the dreaded flood that can and will kill everyone in this story if they didn't have the elites or the Spartans help.
7505923 actually what is shown in the story is just the tip of the ice berg that is the training Twilight went through. I just didn't want to spend several chapter on her training alone but it got far more brutal then it did here as hinted st in the PaS chapter " Basic Training" as what twilight did to her volunteers was just the beginningand the easy part of the training she puts her own soldiers through which was based off the training she herself endured at the hands of Mendez though Mendez didn't have accesses to certain types of training equipment due to being a rebel hiding in a sewer.
Twilight endured almost 2 months of training and I only showed two days that leaves a lot of unaccounded for training that as I said was hinted st to have gotten a lot more brutal as she became more skilled.
Also factor in when CTS broke one of the recruits arms and the other injuries he sustained while training with CTS in this book it self twilight didn't even get a reprimand for which also implies recruits getting broke bones is normal.
I did base twilights training off of the Spartan-II and Spartan-III training regiments
"definitely" not "defiantly' in some cases...
And it's "due to the fact..." not "do to the fact..."
Tom Clancy, that got my eyebrow a-raisin'. But Franklin Mendez? You're killing me, man. You're killing Independent George.
this brings back fond memories of boot camp
7968620 glad to hear I was able to capture the feeling of boot camp.
7439137>>7505923>>7370673
Add to the fact that his whole life is literally about War nothing but WAR
This seems to be fairly janky. There is far less punctuation than there should be, specifically in the form of commas. Also, twilight swears (out of character) and in the very next paragraph she acts as if she's sensitive to that sort of thing. Either make her swear, or have her pick it up. Don't go back and forth. And yes, I know this story is already finished. This is just for future reference.
One off shot and that brown eye will be blue
Fair enough this is war no time for games.
8487478
Don't you mean a dark shade of purple?
Jeez, I’ve reading this story for the, what, sixth time now? Six times in over four years, and I only now see this.
Is this a reference to the Mendez that trained the Halo Spartans?
10697198
Yes it is lol.
I think you meant "bored".