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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The nobles will always be a problem...
6967925 yeah, most will either try to maneuver some sort of gain, or will honestly try to help but like she said, have no concept of war and what an army actually does.
plus her throwing them against walls wont help her make friends.
6966900 OK, I give, uncle. But WE NEED MORE DUCK TAPE.
Yes, of course duck tape works in a near vaccume. Duck tape works anywhere. Duck tape is magical and should be worshiped.
Just regular old duck tape, like the kind you get get at the store. Not even NASA can make duck tape better.
-Mark Wattney, The Maritain
6967952 this is true.
6967957 Mark, you sneak, cleaver, son-of-a-bitch.
6967967 what?
HOLY SHIT! Nice job! You forgot the "What?" Though
6967977 The Maritain. Read it, it's one of the best GOD DAMN BOOKS I've ever read.
Rarity is SO screwed...
6968159 oh? how so?
6968164 Five studded dresses for Sapphire Shores is one thing, but making enough uniforms for an army is another.
6968190 well she more needs to make one then Twi can have those used as a template for mass production.
6968207 It's not like Twi has a mass production spell... does she?
6968274 she has the Will of the Princess backing her up for the sake of Equestria's safety, it shouldn't be to hard for her to have them mass produced or even entire factories complexes built just to produces things for the Army.
That and I think at this point we all know nothing will stop The Commander from achieving her goal by any means.
6969110 I may have to look into that as I've never heard of it.
Reading this was amazing, but I would recommend checking your grammar and spelling as well as punctuation. The plot of the story was good, but was a bit confusing when half the words were spelt incorrectly and the start of some sentences were capitalized. THIS IS CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. DO NOT TAKE THIS HARSHLY. Thank you.
To scorch215, Thank you for reading this! Hope it helps you in the future.
~ Nyx Moon
6969330 I'm aware i have terrible grammar and spelling.
i have taken steps to acquire two editors to go over the chapters to correct them.
I am glad you are enjoying the story so much.
"Rarity stopped counting out bits and stared at the purple unicorn a smile slowly creeping onto her face. Yup. Twilight thought. What did it, what have I gotten myself into?"
What have you gotten yourself into indeed Twilight
6969540 thought that would be a nice touch to show there is still some old Twi left but that she is still also The Commander and knows she will regret this.
6969133 They made it into a fucking movie! In October! Get our of ur basement!
6969804 they made a MLP fanfiction into a movie? That I find very hard to believe.
I remember that fic. Twilight was a bit too much changed for my tastes, like if there was nothing left of her besides her body... At that time I was preferring a Halo/ MLP crossover, but its author wordlessly abandoned it...
6969804
Link?
6970061 Glad to see mine has managed to stay with in good taste.
Granted I don't think she'd totally lose herself, you can't just undo a life time of being one way but you can have some DRASTIC changes to it.
6969927 Nonononononono! It's a published book, not mlp fanfic. Sorry bout that. Still a damn good book though.
6970199 i have no idea what you are talking about anymore because me and Phanzone_Corrupted_Unicorn were talking about a Fic on this site that you said was made into a movie which I highly doubt Hasbro would make a movie out of as it's similar to SoM.
Shit, I'm a retard. I replied to the wring comment. Fuck I'm a dumbass
First I want to get out my two major gripes with this story:
1. The spelling of a lot of basic words is wrong, it seems like you tried sounding them out and that isn't always effective. My suggestion get a proofreader or two.
2.i found myself more interested in the interlude/framework story to the point that I had to suppress the urge to skip the main story. You don't want your interludes out shining the actual story. Also considering you are using interludes as a narrative framework your continuation of the story needs to work logically within them. For example like twilight telling her friends the story for an instance twilight speaking of her sexual conquests like how she popped dr gray's cherry whether true or not (clearly shown or implied)to rustle some feathers or boast and just commenting, explaining or complaining how she'll never see her again. before continuing and the characters being told in the framework need to react to it. Besides those two things mentioned I am liking it.
6970560 I'm not entirely understanding the second thing you mentioned,
as for the first, I have an editor team that will be working on the chapters though it may take some time for them to catch up to where the story is, and i'll still be uploading Unedited chapter then replacing them with the edited version once I get them.
to see what is being worked on editing why look at the main page of the story, I'll be listing which chapter is being worked on there.
as for the interludes outshining the chapters, honestly have no real way to fix that as I am telling duel stories taking place in two different time frames where one shows how Twi became what she is and the other showing what she is doing now that she is home. I thank you for your feedback.
I'm not sure how to dumb down one and improve the other so I shall leave it up to the reader which they like more.
6970577 ok a frame work narrative/story is a story that ties other stories together. in your case your interludes count as this as it connects each story we are told about her time on earth. the problem I had was that aside from the first time you do it right (in the first chapter) where you have Twilight start her story, then your further interludes should also have done that, they didn't and the constant flashing back without any context or warning is jarring, breaks immersion and suspension of disbelief doesn't work (even though you stated before hand you were doing it chapter, interlude).
example of a narrative connection: Twilight Sparkle laid back on her dining room chair, sipping on her whiskey, after having dinner with her parents and her brother and his wife, her mother was busy cleaning the dishes when Twilight's father asked "So Twilight, did you meet a special somepony er somehuman while you were there?"
Twilight performed a spit take spraying her expensive whisky all over her brother in the process "Dad!" she exclaimed
Nightlight held his hooves up in mock surrender "Hey it's okay sweetie I won't judge. It was Dr Gray wasn't it?"
Twilight's face heated up a deep red blush bloomed on her face as she sputtered trying to deny it. "What! N..no we weren't lovers!" Twilight screeched as her father, brother and even her sister-in-law wore matching grins on their faces, Twilight looked away and she was reminded of the first time she told Dr Gray her feelings for her.
then you would stop the interlude and dive into the main story with Twilight confessing her feelings for doctor gray.
for future reference an interlude is a story that is set in the same universe but doesn't have anything to do with the main plot or main character and protagonist, usually following what support characters do when the main cast is busy or while those supporting characters aren't actively in the main story. this is used to give the reader a break so they don't get bored and further information regarding those characters.
6972887 that's not the definition I got when I researched Interludes, all I learned was that it was a break from the regular story to give a break.
and I actually already have a plan for how the interludes will Tie into the story but frankly in order for the Interludes plot to flow to where it needs to be where the story's intersect I can't really have a story with every Interlude and with what happens in the chapters it would be forcing the interludes if I tried to steer the conversation to where Twi begins another story and frankly I have very little control over where either of the two stories are going, I'm more along for the ride/
even more so because what Twi is telling everypony is not the truth of what happened. the Chapters are the truth and the reader sees that while what she tells everyone is heavily edited and down right a lie for the most part. do to the structure I can't really do the each interlude leads into the chapters so the Interludes are more slice of life and not as dark as the Chapters, though some points will become dark later on...
but there is a plan in place for this to all make sense, trust me, the major points of this story are planned out in detail.
I do understand story structure it's just for this story to work I have to run off of a modified version other wise nether the chapters or interludes would line up and one would spoil the other and I'd rather avoid spoilers to what is to come as best as I can.
6972941 fair enough.
btw
is actually spelt "due to the structure" and pronounced dju not do. I noticed you do that a lot in the story so I wasn't sure if you knew or if you were the victim of a bad proofreader/ auto corrector.
6972996 spellcheck, spelling and grammar is not my strong suit which is why I recruited a team of Editors to go over the story and fix them, though it may be a while before they catch up to the story as I just handed off Chapter 1 last night and Chapter 2 will be handed off some time today to another one once I get details I need.
but rest assured with the Editors Celestia ordered to help me fix this mess it should all be corrected in due time.
IK. I suck @ spelling SO FUCKING MUCH! English, why u so inconsistent?!?!?!?!
One problem I have with this chapter. No Equestrian will realistically exchange bits for currency that is outright worthless, unless you are a collector or museum person, and even then, I have my doubts.
7044491 From what I can see, it's a purely computer based currency. In other words absolutely worthless without a physical form. If she bought a bunch of gold with the credits and gave that to Celestia, then it might be worth something.
She just unleashed the fashion monster.
Umm... Is that a 'Reboot' reference I see?
Now if THAT doesn't remind me of 'back in tha day'.
I feel like five finger death Punch's wrong side of heaven suits this fic
Came back to one of my favorites and just had to post this.
7044491
well here's the thing currency is only worth as much as it's viewed to be worth she could theoretically insert it into the economy and produce more giving it a value then it wouldn't be worthless anymore. Of course this is ignoring the thought of why somebody would but it isn't impossible implausible definitely impossible no.
At this point in time when typing this, yes, but not anymore.