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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm... An interesting chapter... Twi is still coping with Dupo's death, and then there's the third faction to consider, who leads the Coalition?
Complex characters do have a tendency to write themselves. I'm guessing once Twilight went to the armory the following scene with Twilight's grief naturally wrote itself? In my opinion, the characterization of Duncan that we do see is what makes the armory scene so effective. Twilight is expecting to see Dupo, but the new Armory Officer is so different. There isn't Dupo's keen care for the weapons. There isn't that trademark addressing of Twilight as "kid".
It makes sense that Twilight would go back and just have a quiet moment to think to herself. It would be so nice in her mind if who she cared about didn't die. But it's war. There's wistfulness for things that just aren't the same anymore.
This is certainly a character-driven story, and what helps that is the presence of memorable, notable characters. Another reason the armory scene is so effective is Dupo is a memorable character. I have a habit of forgetting names easily, but the author's ability to write characters well is really impressive. I still haven't forgotten about Liston.
This story is really good. Unfortunately some of the grammar mistakes might turn some people away. That being said, I eagerly look forward to more about Commander Twilight.
7018673
Basically yeah, I didn't have that last scene planned at all it just happened as I typed and I do like it as it shows Twi isn't an emotionless killer who does not care who lives or dies.
Yeah, I literally tried to write Duncan as completely different then Dupo while still being able to do the job to a passable degree.
It also gave me a to show that she is fully aware of what she is and that to an extent blames herself for their deaths and is haunted them because of what she is.
yeah it is and I do try my best to give character to well everyone, even the faceless soldiers who only exist for a moment from the Feds or the Rebels, even if they are never named I like giving details that make them seem real.
I thank you for the compliment. I try my best.
I am glad to hear that that Pinkie like Human hasn't been forgotten as I did my best to set him up, even though I had planned for very long time to remove him from the story and even hinted at it in an early Interlude, though indirectly.
Sadly a curse I must live with but I do have an Editor slowly chewing his way through the chapter, he has a lot of ground to cover though and it just keeps getting longer as I keep producing chapters.
I am glad to hear this. I don't think this story ahs many more chapters left in it before the finally
Though I think its close enough to say I do have a sequel planned that follows Commander Twilight further adventures, though wont be as dark as this story is (at least I think, hard to tell where my stories will go) it does also explore more comedic elements. do to exactly what happens to Twilight in it.
there is also a planned non-cannon side fic that many probably sawn talked about in the comments of this story and that is less hush hush then the plot of the sequel.
Till the end of this story the plot of the sequel is under wraps till it comes out but I will give a hint in the Author Notes last chapter of this story.
Till then I hope you continue to enjoy Twilight journey into Insanity.
7018605 That will be explored in a later chapter, for now I seem to be world building and character building.
7018765
I'll keep an eye out for the sequel and side fic when they do come out.
Oh, and I certainly will continue to enjoy Twilight's journey into insanity.
Unfortunately, there is no crazy Twilight emote. Oh well.
Will the power of friendship save Twilight? Good question.
I liked the emotion in this chapter.
Oh Commander come here! *Huggles Twilight* Don't worry, it will get better eventually.
I think we ALL like it, and the 2nd part IS true, but only for a few.
7018992 it may save part of her but she will probably be some level of psychotically insane as one does not really recover from that.
7019210 hey never said most people she doesn't care about but most she will be angry about but get over quickly while other will have sever emotional impact like Dupo and Liston did.
7019394 A small, but also major, detail.
7019431 well she is crazy not heartless, they couldn't replace that with cybernetics!
surprised we are not seeing the bots used.
7019754 I was waiting for a good chapter for them, I totally did not forget about them at all.
7019762 Rrright
7019763 shush! I have a lot to keep track of!
7019765 *powers up and makes a island sized crater* Care to say that again?
7020040
Alas, the mare who became a monster also became commander...
7019439 Well pycopathy is usually associated with crazy, heartless, sadists. Not true for Twilight! (yay!). She's TOTALLY off the rails, but is just sane enough to know it, care about those around her, and control her insanity.
7020040 oh it totally was intentional and one of the key factors in why Twilights lies and hides it.
7020336 that's how the public views Psychopathy.
in reality Psychopaths are people who enjoy the act of killing and causing pain but are fully capable of caring about people, though that doesnt stop them from enjoying their pain as well such as Twilight enjoying her friends reaction to her new eating habits.
7020336
She still enjoys making her friends squirm in uneasiness, and has no second thought doing that, like when she eats meat under their eyes... I think she's on a thin, unstable rope between mild insanity and full dementia.
7020775 yes, yes she is, though I did build in way for her to get somewhat better.
everything is proceeding as planned.
PS I wish there was an emoji of a pony rubbing their hooves together while looking smug/sneaky. it would be so useful.
7020786
img4.hostingpics.net/pics/767260TwilightSparklesgonealittlecrazyImgur.gif
(Source)
7021029 suppose that will work as it's probably as close as one will get as I don't think there are many scenes of ponies rubbing their hooves together in a diabolical manner.
7015288
hope this one works
Twilight is so OOC, this would have honestly been much better with an OC as the main. All you had to do was state he/she was a student of Celestia in the past, and the story would be the exact same, but without Twilight. I'm still reading because it's an okay story, but the OOCness is distracting.
EDIT: And I get that twilight went through things, but this is just too fast going from total peace to wanting to kill and torture people.
7021191 the hell I just watch?
7021192 you do realize she is OCC because she was tortured right both physically through medical experimentation and then mentally by having her friends and people she cared about kill-totured just to hurt her right?
when she arrived on Federal Earth she was normal Twilight but what has happened to her and she has done has twisted her into basically a new person.
I'm not sure how you expect a person that has literally been driven partly insane to act as if they are how they used to be before the events of this story.
Honestly I'd rather not meet the person that can go through what Twilight ahs and come back with the same person as if it didn't happen.
7021192 she's been there almost a year of constant war and death and in the show Twilight was already shown having a thin thread of mental unbalance I just tipped the scale by systematically torturing her.
also chapter one only covers about three days of the Month she was a test subject in those labs having all manner of tests done on her.
plus you have to factor in what the cybernetic implants in her brain are doing to her as they were never designed for her biology so are most likely having an effect on her mental state as well.
I very carefully thought about what would cause her to become this thing that wears her face and name and then executed it to shape her.
7021196 the official music video to the anime op song from game of laplace speed and friction http://www.lyrical-nonsense.com/lyrics/amazarashi/speed-to-masatsu/#page=English here are the lyrics.
7021337 uh-huh.....it was very weird.
7021343 but it fits twilight atm doesn't it?
7021348 I'm not really sure honestly.
7020774 Then what's the difference between psychopaths and sadists? I though sadists enjoyed seeing others in/causing other's pain, and psychopaths (straight from wikipedia, so take this with a grain of salt,) :
A personality disorder characterized by enduring antisocial behavior, diminished empathy and remorse, and disinhibited or bold behavior, which I interpret as "Usually means they can (and might/do) kill and other fucked up shit, and not feel bad about it, but can mean other stuff."
7020775 She's sane enough to know she's insane, and keeps herself under control so she doesn't wind up killing all her friends and family. So duh she's insane, but the rope between commander Twilight and Reaper Twilight isn't THAT thin
7021501 well you have it right on Psychopaths but sadists are different, I don't remember how off the top of my head but I believe they are worse as they prefer more extremes and it more of a compulsion. but I may be wrong, its been a while still I did any research on this stuff and psychology is not the easiest thing to keep track of.
also factor in when dealing with the human mind nothing is 100% accurate as every human is different, its why Psychology is known as a "soft" science, because 'hard' sciences is full of absolutes, this will happen no matter what.
where psychology can have two people with the same mental illness but wildly different reactions to it, it's more a based on statistics so there can be many anomalies within it where things don't go how they "Should" because everybody is different mentally.
7021192 Hey, YOU get transported to another universe, get tortured, have a big part of who you are removed, then most (out of 10-15, like, 3 are still alive)of those close to you die at the hands of your enemy and NOT be left an empty husk or at least a little of the rails.
7021513
7020775
Reaper is Insanity unchecked, she is still insane whether she is Reaper or not.
also that little rope ironically is her military training do to the discipline and focus ability.
without that she would be well off the deep end.
7021204 Pinkie agrees (prologue)! Like, unless they were already off TOTALLY their rails, falling off their rocker since it had so many MISSING (not loose, MISSING) screws into the deep end, that'd scar just about ANYONE.
7021531 Yes, that's what I said, that particular rope is rather think stainless steel.
7021520 So sadists are the Nazi interrogators, ok. Twi ain't that extreme.
7021563 hmm...yeah that's about right. though as is aid I may be wrong.
7021578 My personal (and one of Wikipedia's, apparently) definition is just pleasure inflicting pain, which is obviously why I call Twilight a sadist; your definition on the other hand, she's not-even she doesn't enjoy torture (except White Rabbit or one of 'those' people, but they kind of deserve it).
Jeez. That hurts to read.
7020786 derpicdn.net/img/2013/1/2/199948/small.gif This is good?
7021033 Too bad
Poor little psychopathic monster.
Is this the gun you'r looking for?s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/d3/d2/92/d3d292fb5d05a684a70d7fe197c13647.jpg
Why not just take the ammo to an aboveground outpost and EMP the whole thing before taking it to headquarters? That should neutralize any trackers without any risk of HQ being tracked and she wouldn't have to spend hours examining each individual bullet.