Beyond the Clouds

by Dandereshy

Beautiful Day

Author's Note:

Sorry about the quality here, folks. I used my iPhone, which isn't particularly good at writing with. I'll edit this when I get the chance. Enjoy!

It was quiet in a field just outside of Ponyville. Quiet enough for six friends to picnic and enjoy the solitude from the daily boisterousness they were used to.

They all sat or lay on the checkered blanket sprawled out on the thick, green grass, chatting idly about the sandwiches they had just eaten, about the wonderful weather lately, or about some funny event they shared in the past.

"Hey, does anypony know where I put my sunglasses?" Rainbow Dash asked, digging in the hoofbasket.

Pinkie Pie giggled. "On your head, silly!" The others gave a snicker as well.

Rainbow stopped suddenly, reaching up and feeling the glasses buried in her mane. "Oh, right... "

"Almost like that time Rarity lost her ribbon," Twilight poked fun at the purple and white unicorn, who lay on her sofa nearby sipping from a coconut.

"Mmhmm, yes dear. I did misplace that thing once before. One would think such a beautiful piece would be easy to keep track of, but my, my... I've had better luck searching for a fallen button." She sucked the rest of the juice from the coconut and pouted.

"Let's not forget Twilight's escapade during one of our more memorable picnics together," Applejack said with a tip of her hat in the princesses direction.

Twilight blushed lightly."You said we wouldn't speak of that... "

"Relax, Twilight," Rainbow grinned, wrapping a foreleg around her shoulders and pulling her close. "We all make mistakes and go completely nuts and enchant a doll to make some fillies fight over it and allow us to break it up and learn a friendship lesson."

Twilight deadpanned. "Thanks for the kind words, Rainbow."

Rainbow shoved her away and dug in the basket for another cucumber and honey sandwich. "No problem. Anytime."

"You must really be enjoying those, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy pointed out, sitting just beside the basket. "That's your fourth one."

Rainbow shoved half the sandwich in her mouth. "Thefe are awfome!"

"Rainbow, dear, you shouldn't talk with your mouth full, it's rude." Rarity sat up on her couch and raised an eyebrow at the rainbow-themed pegasus.

She shrugged and swallowed. "Why? There ain't anypony out here but us."

"Which is surprising, given the fact that it's such a nice day," Twilight noted, glancing around them and scanning the area.

"Yeah!" Pinkie exclaimed. "And there's like, five clouds in the sky, too! A bright and sunny day!"

"I cleared them earlier today. There shouldn't be any," Rainbow groused, folding her forelegs across her chest.

"They probably just wandered over here from elsewhere, Rainbow Dash," Twilight suggested.

"Yeah, but still... "

Rarity hopped up from the couch and went to the bowl of punch beside the basket and filled her coconut back up. "I don't think it matters all that much. They aren't hurting anypony."

No pony said anything for a moment, until Fluttershy spoke up softly, "Has anypony else wondered what's past the clouds?"

Twilight sought the opportunity to explain about space. "That's easy, Fluttershy. First we have the stratosphere, then the troposphere, then the mesosphere, then the thermosphere, then - "

"I'm not certain that's what Fluttershy meant, Twilight," Rarity interrupted her politely.

Rainbow moved over from the basket and lay back, putting on her sunglasses. "Like she was talking about anything else? I doubt it."

Fluttershy looked down at the blanket. "Um, I was talking about something else... "

"Well, what did you mean then?" Twilight asked her.

Fluttershy looked back up, into the sky. She appeared to be looking at something far away, unseen by anypony but herself. "I meant... Like... After... After you... Die... "

Nopony had an immediate response to that.

Seconds later, Rarity cleared her throat. "Um, Fluttershy, why ever would you be thinking of something so ghastly on a day such as this?"

"Or at all, for that matter," Rainbow added, herself surprised by the shy mare's question.

Fluttershy peered at them through her mane. "I was just curious... "

"Well, I mean... I've considered it, but, I don't really know anything about the afterlife," Twilight admitted, scratching the back of her head and smiling slightly in embarrassment.

"You ain't got any books in your library about it?" Applejack inquired.

Twilight shook her head. "Sadly - no. But, I mean... The afterlife can't be that hard to figure out. When a pony dies, they should go to a place where knowledge is abundant. Every pony should have a library practically built into their head. No questions, no lack of answers. Everypony's a genius!" Twilight rubbed her hooves together in excitement.

They all just stared blankly at her.

"What?" She asked.

"Yeah, uh, Twilight? I think that's what you want to be on the other side," Rainbow said with a snort.

"Okay, than what do you think is up there, Rainbow Dash?" Twilight probed, trying to catch her off guard.

Rainbow grinned widely. "Everypony is equally awesome! Nopony is lame or boring," she glanced at Twilight from the corner of her eyes, "or an egghead."

Twilight deadpanned her again. "Obviously."

"Really, ladies, I doubt either of those things is the case," Rarity said, again, sipping from the coconut.

"Is that so? Than what's up there?"

Rarity finished the punch in the coconut and looked up to address her questioner. "It's likely very neat, elegant, and peaceful. Nopony will have a sense of bad fashion. Everypony will be dressed in something marvelous and eye-catching. The smells of perfume and cologne will grace the air, and - "

Rainbow burst out laughing, collapsing to the ground. "Yeah, right! In your dreams!" She continued her obnoxious laughter.

Pinkie leaned over Rainbow as she slowly came down from her euphoric guffawing. "I dunno. Sounds pretty good."

"Really? You agree, dear?" Rarity asked, shocked.

"Yeah! Of course! There's probably plenty of sweets, too! Chocolates, peppermints, cake, cupcakes, pie, cookies, and a whole bunch of other neat goodies. And best of all, no cavities!" She used her hooves to open her mouth wider for a big grin, exposing all her teeth.

Applejack rolled her eyes. "That sounds a little far-fetched... "

"Alright, than do you have some knowledge of the life of ponies in pony-heaven?" Rainbow asked, raising her eyebrows.

Applejack nodded. "As a matter of fact, I don't. But it doesn't hurt to guess... Realistically," she eyed Rainbow.

"Oooh, let's hear it!" Pinkie pressed her, hopping up and down.

Applejack cleared her throat. "We'll never be tired, but we'd be workin' all day for a profit. We'd be together, with all our family and friends, livin' together, working together."

"I hope that's not what it's like," Rainbow muttered aloud, reaching for the basket to dig out another sandwich.

"We shouldn't be shooting down each other's ideas, girls... " Fluttershy murmured almost inaudibly.

Everypony stared at her.

"Um... What did I say?"

Rainbow came over and planted a hoof firmly on each of Fluttershy's shoulders, eliciting a sharp "Meep!" from her. "What do you have in mind?" she asked the quiet pegasus.

Fluttershy swallowed hard. "Um... I'd rather not share my opinion... "

"Come on!"

"Let's hear it!"

"Don't be afraid, dear! Share it with us!"

Fluttershy smiled weakly. "Okay... Um, well... It should be... I hope it's... Animal friendly... "

They all chuckled.

"I'm sure it is, Fluttershy. I'm sure it is," Twilight assured her, sipping from her cup of punch.

Fluttershy smiled again. "I would really like that... "

"I think the bottom line about all this is - I don't want any of us there anytime soon," Twilight said, her voice several octaves lower suddenly, her brows furrowed in a serious frown.

"Awwww... Even if it's as good as we think?" Pinkie whined.

Twilight looked around at all of them. "No matter how nice it is, it could never better than right here, right now."

"Awwww, come here, darling," Rarity cooed and hopped off the couch, throwing her forelegs around her friend in a tight embrace.

The others joined seconds later.

And they hugged for a while under the warm, comforting sun, knowing that their heaven wasn't beyond the clouds, it was right here, together.

They stayed for the sunset, then watched the moon rise. One by one, as they conversed about everything, they fell asleep, curled up together on the blanket, a group of inseparable friends, bound by destiny.

And they would always be friends, even after they found out what really was beyond the clouds.

Comments

[BlndDog]

It's not bad as a writing exercise, but this is not much of a story. It's one very short scene with nothing too original. Everyone behaves exactly as the reader expects, and there's not much development in setting or character. Hopefully you can develop this into something more interesting once you get to a computer.

[silvadel]

[Dandereshy]

7238762

I know.

I've been neglecting to get this story done, and I just kinda pushed it out. Once I get to a computer, it'll definitely have at least 2500-3000 words and a way better setup.

[Dandereshy]

7238763

I...

Um...

Okay.

[insertfootinmouth]

I have such mixed feelings about this fic, so I figure I'll leave a few points behind and let the author make of it what they will. For the record, there wasn't anything bad enough in this story to make me downvote it, but that doesn't mean that it was good, either.

The Story: There isn't one. The main characters all meet up for a picnic in an undisclosed location where they're prompted to discuss their rather predictable interpretations of the afterlife before they all hug and say happy things. There isn't any real conflict, the characters don't grow in any noticeable way, and the story just peters off at the end. Nothing new there.

The Prose: The writing in this story is...decent. At least by fanfiction standards, though I doubt any publishing house will be looking for the author to write for them in the immediate future. For the most part, it's clear that the writer put the time into editing their own work, and it shows. There's an abundant lack of spelling errors, and while I noticed a few grammatical flubs, they weren't anything that the normal reader would pay any attention to.

The writing itself is fairly lackluster. The author plays it straight, and while that prevents him from making gaping errors, the writing is a bit bland. I noticed a heavy reliance on the reader already being well acquainted with the source material rather than trying to give any substance to how the characters look and act in the story, leaving the reader to piece together what the characters are like off of past experiences. While this works well with fanfiction, it also limits the author from ever being able to write something original.

The Characters: Much like the story itself, the characters are fairly empty. While I wouldn't say it was bad, there wasn't any development as the story continued. Their stance on life remained the same from the beginning until after their little existential conversation. Nobody grew as a character, nobody was stifled. If this were an RPG, the characters would still be sitting safe and cozy in the town of beginnings.

The Genre: This story is clearly tagged as a comedic slice of life story, but the need of the comedy tag seems lost on me. While the author tried to insert a few quips in the story, that was never the focus. In truth, it'd make a lot more sense for him to tag it as a slice of life and leave it at that. Lord of the Rings has a romance between Arwen and Aragorn in its pages, but that plays such a minor role in the grand scheme of things that nobody ever accused the series of being a romance. Likewise, adding a few amusing remarks into a story doesn't make it a comedy.

Overall, I'd say that this story is passable, but nothing that I'd recommend.

[ChudoJogurt]

#CommenceCommentsReview

I don't want to bash the author and the fic, especially since I've seen much, much worse, so I'll just say that I found this fic rather vacuous and devoid of any substance.
What could've been an interesting discussion on post-mortality in a secular non-judeo-christian culture with magic, real Tartarus and physical gods, is instead a fluffy piece that seems to only affirm most direct, stereotypes about the Mane Six characters.
This is a well-written, but essentially pointless piece.

[Forestshadows]

This was nice, written well, but with little point. All the characters just said what we would expect them to say, an afterlife fitted to their personal tastes. There doesn't seem to be any religion in Equestria, which is a bit odd, every culture has a religion of some sort, and with this story you could have come up with an idea for a religion, or at least a creation myth. Maybe mentioning Celestia and Luna's parents, or some form of deity (I don't think the princesses count). Or you could have given of the six a surprising opinion of the afterlife, and explain it, giving character development. This certainly wasn't written badly, but there was just so much more that could have happened, that didn't.

[typervader]

Commence Comment here!
Unlike the others, I like how slice of life and simple it was, and props for using an I phone. It's nice to see a simple story that has a cheery mood to it. They all felt in character which is hard to pull off. It was a nice simple read.

[H3lios]

Twist ending, they're all dead and that WAS their heaven!

But seriously, it was a sweet little short story but it would have worked better as a scene in a much larger story. Or perhaps if each of the characters went into more detail about their version of heaven.

[Kittycat01]

Hi there! I really liked this story. It's simple but nice.
I love the idea behind this. Just them having a picnic on a nice day. It's a small and simple story, there may not be much to it but that's what I like about it. Sweet and simple :3
I like the way they think about what's out there. It's really good since no one really knows.
It shows that everyone views things differently but in the end that's what they like about it most.
I really like the ending. Just having some small talk while relaxing on a nice day. Sounds like a great day to me :3