I write sins, not tragedies. Patreon so I can continue doing... whatever it is I do.
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One peaceful afternoon, while the Main 6 are out enjoying a little get-together under the beautiful mid-summer sky, the topic of life after death comes up in a quiet conversation, and each of them have their own fantasies of what's beyond the clouds...
(Note: Two downvotes are from spammers. Disregard them.)
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It's not bad as a writing exercise, but this is not much of a story. It's one very short scene with nothing too original. Everyone behaves exactly as the reader expects, and there's not much development in setting or character. Hopefully you can develop this into something more interesting once you get to a computer.
7238762
I know.
I've been neglecting to get this story done, and I just kinda pushed it out. Once I get to a computer, it'll definitely have at least 2500-3000 words and a way better setup.
7238763
I...
Um...
Okay.
I have such mixed feelings about this fic, so I figure I'll leave a few points behind and let the author make of it what they will. For the record, there wasn't anything bad enough in this story to make me downvote it, but that doesn't mean that it was good, either.
The Story: There isn't one. The main characters all meet up for a picnic in an undisclosed location where they're prompted to discuss their rather predictable interpretations of the afterlife before they all hug and say happy things. There isn't any real conflict, the characters don't grow in any noticeable way, and the story just peters off at the end. Nothing new there.
The Prose: The writing in this story is...decent. At least by fanfiction standards, though I doubt any publishing house will be looking for the author to write for them in the immediate future. For the most part, it's clear that the writer put the time into editing their own work, and it shows. There's an abundant lack of spelling errors, and while I noticed a few grammatical flubs, they weren't anything that the normal reader would pay any attention to.
The writing itself is fairly lackluster. The author plays it straight, and while that prevents him from making gaping errors, the writing is a bit bland. I noticed a heavy reliance on the reader already being well acquainted with the source material rather than trying to give any substance to how the characters look and act in the story, leaving the reader to piece together what the characters are like off of past experiences. While this works well with fanfiction, it also limits the author from ever being able to write something original.
The Characters: Much like the story itself, the characters are fairly empty. While I wouldn't say it was bad, there wasn't any development as the story continued. Their stance on life remained the same from the beginning until after their little existential conversation. Nobody grew as a character, nobody was stifled. If this were an RPG, the characters would still be sitting safe and cozy in the town of beginnings.
The Genre: This story is clearly tagged as a comedic slice of life story, but the need of the comedy tag seems lost on me. While the author tried to insert a few quips in the story, that was never the focus. In truth, it'd make a lot more sense for him to tag it as a slice of life and leave it at that. Lord of the Rings has a romance between Arwen and Aragorn in its pages, but that plays such a minor role in the grand scheme of things that nobody ever accused the series of being a romance. Likewise, adding a few amusing remarks into a story doesn't make it a comedy.
Overall, I'd say that this story is passable, but nothing that I'd recommend.
#CommenceCommentsReview
I don't want to bash the author and the fic, especially since I've seen much, much worse, so I'll just say that I found this fic rather vacuous and devoid of any substance.
What could've been an interesting discussion on post-mortality in a secular non-judeo-christian culture with magic, real Tartarus and physical gods, is instead a fluffy piece that seems to only affirm most direct, stereotypes about the Mane Six characters.
This is a well-written, but essentially pointless piece.
This was nice, written well, but with little point. All the characters just said what we would expect them to say, an afterlife fitted to their personal tastes. There doesn't seem to be any religion in Equestria, which is a bit odd, every culture has a religion of some sort, and with this story you could have come up with an idea for a religion, or at least a creation myth. Maybe mentioning Celestia and Luna's parents, or some form of deity (I don't think the princesses count). Or you could have given of the six a surprising opinion of the afterlife, and explain it, giving character development. This certainly wasn't written badly, but there was just so much more that could have happened, that didn't.
Commence Comment here!
Unlike the others, I like how slice of life and simple it was, and props for using an I phone. It's nice to see a simple story that has a cheery mood to it. They all felt in character which is hard to pull off. It was a nice simple read.
Twist ending, they're all dead and that WAS their heaven!
But seriously, it was a sweet little short story but it would have worked better as a scene in a much larger story. Or perhaps if each of the characters went into more detail about their version of heaven.
Hi there! I really liked this story. It's simple but nice.
I love the idea behind this. Just them having a picnic on a nice day. It's a small and simple story, there may not be much to it but that's what I like about it. Sweet and simple :3
I like the way they think about what's out there. It's really good since no one really knows.
It shows that everyone views things differently but in the end that's what they like about it most.
I really like the ending. Just having some small talk while relaxing on a nice day. Sounds like a great day to me :3