• Member Since 12th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Daxn


Vidi Terram Novam, Vidi Caelum Novum. Terram, Terram Novam in Hanc Vitam! Mazda descedentem et absterget omnia dolori lacrimas!

E
Source

With the Friendship Games having come to an end, peace has returned to Canterlot High. The aforementioned peace has been accompained by a pressing question.

"Why did Principal Cinch chose to strenghten her legacy in a way that put one of her students' life in danger? What brought her to such perfectionism and harshness?"

According to some of the Rainbooms, the answer is contained inside Principal Cinch's house. And so Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash are sent to investigate on Abacus Cinch's house, while she is away from home on a self-proclaimed "recovery holiday".

The answer, however, isn't quite what the two girls expect it to be.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 20 )

I am thinking she had lived during Francisco Franco's dictatorship of Spain

What's the translation? It sounds like french a little but I'm not sure

6594220

You mean the song lyrics? It's Spanish, and the translation is:

Opposing pikes against the horses
and the rifles against the enemy soldiers.
With [our] soul united udner the same clergy,
whose blood flows [while] protectign the kingdom...
Sons of Saintiago [Saint James], the Tercios are mighty.
The only free man is the one that has no fear.
Fight for your brother,
Die for your kindgom and Franco,
Live for peace in this great empire,
there will never be defeats,
if they capture us
only when we will be dead [we will] fall.
Hold up the pikes and the guns
with a skyward chant!
There is nothing to fear
if the Tercio goes in column!

6594302 Ah that was my bad sounds neat though.

6594205

Realistically, she seems too young for that. Besides, while her strict behaviour and general bitchness was a typical trait in La Sección Femenina (Femenine Division) from La Falange, intellectuality and actual knowledge like the ones taught in Crystal Prep certainly were not (women were raised to become good christians and obedient future wives, not to compite with men)

6594378
Then Cinch is from Spain. I guess...

6594432

If the photo is supposed to be Cinch in her youth, I can assure you no Spanish girl in that time period wore mini skirts.

6594500
Good point.

6594500
Admittedly, The cover art was whipped up in a few minutes by using some Filter Tools on a piece of Ohokokapi (or however it spells), as I could not find somebody that would make me a more accurate piece. Since a somewhat related cover is better than none...

Also, if you pay attenton to The song's lyrics, you'll notice "The kingdom" mentioned just next to Franco. Spain under Franco did not keep the king as Head-of-State, not until it's very final spasms. This, by the way, was very intentional, as I meant to tip off History enthusiast about the somewhat different nature of the Franchist ideology here depicted with the real one.

She was a Spanish fascist? Or at least her family were and brought her up with fascistic values, I guess... Given that the extreme-right worships power and winning to a near-religious degree (to the point where charity and friendship are looked down upon as weaknesses), it might explain a lot about her.

6596571

That is The implication. The other implication is that her work making felt The old-fashioned way made her insane (mercury salts that used to be employed in The creation of felt caps are the reason sometimes we say "mad as a hatter"). Althought, thinking about it, underage work in such condictioned seems a good enough reason to mess up one's psyche

I feel like this fell a little flat. I see what you were going with, but we didn't really learn that much about Cinch; we just learned about her background, and that's not the same thing. The attempt to explain her character a little was interesting, but like others on this page I think she's too young to have been a Spanish fascist. The other problem is that there are several errors, a few of which I noticed in the first two paragraphs:

The infiltration in Principal Abacus Cinch's flat, against all predictions, had been relatively easy, since she had left them her keys underneath the doormat. [pronoun without anything referenced]
"I seriously don't get that woman. Why would she keep her house's keys under the doormat, if she plans to go otu out for a long time?" Rainbow Dash asked to herself, as she lightly scratched her head. Her companion Pinkie Pie shrugged, [no comma needed] as she pushed the door inwards, revealing a small, dimly-lit corridor.

Interesting idea, though, despite the execution! :pinkiesmile:

6633913

That explains it.

To be honest, I meant this to be a lot more subtle than it actually is now, but, since I was afraid of completely alienate most readers and since I am not exactly a master of characterization, I decided to go onto a different route... which brought us to the incongruence between description and story. I'd be glad to change it, but I currently have no ideas how in mind.

Althought it seems I've managed to mess up the grammar less this time (yes, yes I know, the spit I spat the day before and all). Thanks a lot.

but like others on this page I think she's too young to have been a Spanish fascist.

Perhaps not even alive at the time of the Spanish Civil War. However, I think she was born between the 1950 and 1960, which is enough time for her to grow up in Franchist Spain, and doesn' seem overly old to me.

yeah I'm completely lost here. What does any of that stuff mean exactly?

6642889

-The flag described in the beginning has a colour scheme similar to Spain's and The bundle of arrows, originally a Castillian symbol then overtaken by Francisco Franco's regime.

-The fact that young Cinch is in a leather laboratory implies that she was a child worker. The fact that she keeps low caps and The presence of a specific photo specifies a work in felt-making, a profession involving mercury salts and its fumes, and one that causes insanity in the long run.

-Cinch in uniform in several places indicates that she has been brought up with Franchist-or at least Fascist- values.

-The photos of Cinch's graduation is supposed to simply represent the apotheosis and union of both the aforementioned issues. Not to mention, reinforce the notion of success as Abacus Cinch's only true pleasure.

Now...if only Hasbro can actually EXPLAIN the truth, rather than say "she's evil cuz she is, we're just making the TV shows and movies to drain your wallets for little girls and/or serious adult collectors".

6834037

I take you did not like my idea.

6834069 I do, but Hasbro doesn't.

6834258 Well we don't know what the powers that be think. One minute they're pulling the plug on Fighting is Magic, and the next they're giving us a whole season of fanservice.

This is a Twilight's Reviews review:

“She's just a crazy old woman.” Pinkie Pie said

You need a comma at the end, not a period.

This looks real familiar, like something from the History class... Rainbow Dash said, while Pinkie still moved forward

You don't need a comma after "said".

"Pinkie, you almost gave me an heart attack!" Rainbow Dash said, as she walked forward down the corridor covered in daubs

Take out the "n" in "an" and remove the comma next to said.

Here are a few mistakes I've found from the short description:

On the Rainbooms' request, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie invade Principal Cinch's house to find out the thruth abotu her behaviour

"Thruth" is spelled as "truth" and "abotu" is spelled as "about".

Overall, this story isn't that bad. It had a decent level of grammar and it was well written. But maybe you should've made the story a bit longer. I feel like it came to a sudden stop at the end. Perhaps if you added more depth into this it would've made a better sad story.

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