Knitting

Black Ultron

Black Ultron #1 · Oct 20th, 2015 · · ·

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This was fucking cute bro.....did I just say that?

One Punch Man

One Punch Man #2 · Oct 20th, 2015 · · ·

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6546918 Thanks. I try

The Wandering Bard

The Wandering Bard #3 · Oct 20th, 2015 · · ·

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Hi there! This story looks absolutely adorable, and I can't wait to read it! Just saw a minor typo in your story description: "here" instead of "her". Only pointing it out so someone isn't turned away by a minor grammatical error.

Scootareader

Scootareader #4 · Oct 20th, 2015 · · ·

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alot

El_Padrillo

El_Padrillo #5 · Oct 20th, 2015 · 1 · ·

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As read portion of comment:

I personally have a hard to seeing Fluttershy say this particular line

"But, you know, mama used to find it hard, too."

The mama part is my main issue. I don't recall hearing much of Fluttershy speaking in 3rd person, and the idea of her calling herself mama just seems off. That isn't the lingo I expect to hear from her.

mirth

Ooh, great choice in words here. That's not a word I hear too often, yet it perfectly describes the situation. Good call!

You just made mama very happy, that's all."

See the above comment on this.

"Wow," the little boy whispered, completely enthralled.

Did I miss something? Who's the little boy? Cinnamon is a girl (referred to as daughter earlier).

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After reading portion of comment:

One issue I have with just the interpretation of this is we have so many missing details that lead to this. The father's characteristics, the first 6 years of the filly's life up to this point. We get bits and pieces sure, but there almost seems to be a whole side we the readers can't see.

I do, however like, what we can piece together about this and Fluttershy's parenting style, which I do find believable, although parts of her dialog seemed off.

The diction was great. While the word mirth is definitely an elephant in the room with this fic (the rest of the fic uses much more everyday vocabulary), I found it to be a much welcomed elephant.

Most of the time the details throw in felt fitting, but sometimes there were some that seemed out of place. Having said that, it was well balanced with the dialog to detail ratio and seemed to be unified in its style.

Overall, it was enjoyable, had some kinks, but nothing too bad.

One Punch Man