• Member Since 2nd Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen Dec 6th, 2017

Fateful Pony

"Perfection is impossible, yet striving for it is possible."


Derpy, a mailmare that's been in service to Ponyville for a few months now, was always getting ridiculed for her clumsiness. Today was the last straw for her.

With Twilight's help, Derpy manages to fix herself. But was this really for the better?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 2 )

Very great, well-written story. I really liked the way you put a moral at the end, it gave the story a nice touch.

But I found a few mistakes:

"Your welcome..." Derpy said. Right as she turned around to take her leave, Railight put her hoof on her shoulder. "You look depressed. C'mon, let's talk."

I think you meant Twilight at that part.

In my experiences as a unicorn wizard of sorts, one thing I learned was to never cast a spell without studying it's effects first...

You need to delete apostrophe in it's

Maybe my eyes aren't so bad afterall!

You need a space between after and all.

You should try italicizing both of those thoughts.

7230484 Thanks for the tips! :twilightsheepish: Eh, it was one of the first stories I've done. Man, can't believe people are still reading this, even after a year of it being up.

Yeah, made some honest mistakes. I'll clean those up. And, my adventure stories are the real cream of the crop on my page. You should check em out! (In order, of course. :twilightsmile:)

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