• Member Since 2nd Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen Dec 6th, 2017

Fateful Pony

"Perfection is impossible, yet striving for it is possible."



This story is a sequel to Family Matters

(This story takes place ten years later. The ending was inspired by LightningSword's featured story, Waiting for Sunset.)

To achieve his dream of adventuring around Equestria in one lifetime (And possibly fulfilling his promise to his father), Derpibra starts with Ponyville for it's cheap housing. He encounters a mare who may have resided within his dreams, but it doesn't go exactly as planned.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

No comments?

Well, I hope you don't mind. I just happen to be a big fan of AJ shipping.

There are a few immersion-breaking/ odd things that I would like to point out:



cocked many brows


Also, Derpibra? Sounds too close to Derpy, but okay.

The 'love at first sight' thing was strange, but I can dig that.

Cars and internet? Hun, we're in Equestria, not reality.

thesaget hayburgers

Erm.. what?

And I think it's a little too fast to jump to physical stuff, considering they just got together.

Nice story anyways.

6839009 I'm not going to lie, I was terrified when I saw that you commented. I was thinking of the worst! I've been paranoid over whether or not how well this story would turn out. :twilightsheepish:

I went in and fixed the two errors you mentioned (I couldn't find the... thesaget? Where DID you find that? Also, I added the Alternate Universe tag for the simple implication that internet, cars, ect. exists here.), and yeah, I suppose things may have worked a bit fast between my oddly named OC and Applejack I suppose... one night stand anyone? (No, they didn't do that... yet.)

Thanks for your feedback! I find it that there is always something wrong somewhere in my stories. I try to avoid/remove them as best I can, but I'm only human (Or pony I guess.) :twilightsheepish:

6839377 I'd say it's a better start for most. After all, with romance stories, you have to start from somewhere.

And nuu, don't be afraid of me.

My advice regarding the story, though, would have to be the odd characterisation for Applejack. Applejack is strong and tough. She would not exactly jump into that situation, especially as something as messy as relationships.

These things, at least for me, take time.

It would have been paced a little better if these two, at the very least, developed friendships.
He might have fallen in love with her instantly, but it's the whole getting her to love him back that is usually more intriguing.

Still, I am glad to have helped you. Wish you all the best to writing more romance stories. :pinkiehappy:

6839510 Thank you! And no, I'm not scared of you! Ponies' opinions on Fimfiction (or the thought of them rather) terrify me in general! I feel like I have to live up to a higher standard, but then again, that makes every Like and Favorite all that much more rewarding!

I tried to use more of a guilt trip situation to bring Applejack in. I figured she'd like a relationship as much as, say... Rarity? Her polar opposite. It sounds crazy, but she doesn't seem all that disinterested in stallions, especially when they're sobbing over you. :rainbowlaugh: But! Your advice is more than helpful! I hope you see my sequel at some point!

Login or register to comment