• Published 5th Sep 2015
  • 12,160 Views, 2,565 Comments

Equestria’s Changeling Queen and the Abyssal Empress - vren55



After Alternia, changeling queen and former regent for a missing Celestia, is coronated as Equestria’s third ruling princess, she must face her first crisis in the depths of the Eastern Sea. Sequel to Princess Celestia: The Changeling Queen.

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Chapter 29: Back On the Ground

Alternia put the report down on the newspapers on her bed and sighed.

“Considering our casualties, I think you both made the right decision.”

“That’s what we hoped. What do you think of Blueblood starting that committee for military reform?” asked Luna from her hospital bed, which the hospital staff had rolled into Alternia’s room.

“I didn’t expect we’d form it so quickly, but I agree. We need to rethink about what our military can do and what it role should be, and equip them properly to fulfil that role.”

“Without provoking our neighbours, new and old,” said Celestia from her chair.

Alternia nodded, leaning back into her bed. “I personally am worried about the risk of rising militarism, but I see no other options. At least from what you’ve told me about Typhon’s visits to Vanhoofer’s libraries, he seems very interested in finding areas of common ground between Aquestria and Equestria.” She turned to Celestia. “By the way Celestia, I had a long talk with my sisters. Thank you for arranging for their hives’ inclusion into Equestria.”

“Your welcome, Alternia. Luna and I thought that it would be for the best, especially since the queens have shown their true colors,” said Celestia warmly.

“I still can’t believe it came to that. It was an option that came up in the conference for the Non-Aggression Pact ages ago, but we never thought we’d have to do this…”

Luna frowned. “I take it that changeling hives value their independence?”

“It’s unprecedented for any queen to willingly cede their autonomy to any non-queen. Granted, as leaders of their respective Dominions, my sisters and Murmillar essentially rule over their own hives. However, it is the fact that they have tied themselves to Equestria that shocks the queens and frightens them.”

“Frightens them?” Celestia asked.

“My sisters and Murmillar have just tapped themselves deeper into Equestria’s economy, and more importantly, a way to gather love without the difficulty of infiltration. There’s also the matter that all four of them have done so simultaneously and will be bringing their daughters in.”

Celestia and Luna opened their mouths, but quickly realized the other was going to interrupt.

“You first, Luna,” Celestia said.

Luna, dipping her head to Celestia as thanks, spoke, “So you’re saying that the queens are worried about you, your sisters, and their relatives forming a faction?”

“Yes. There are factions in the Council. Sarar and Kagura’s partnership, which includes that of their daughters.” Alternia pursed her lips. “Technically our faction existed at the first Council Meeting I attended. Already then, they were wary about my ability to call upon Equestria’s resources to help my sister. So when my sisters and Murmillar declared that they would distance themselves from the Council and become Equestrian Dominions, the queens saw their worst fears realized.”

Her hoof idly rubbing circles into her blanket, Alternia continued.

“There’s also the matter of my sister’s daughters. Murmillar has had no other daughters other than Retariusil. Simulacris had children, but unfortunately those of her daughters eligible for queenship have passed on. However, Chrysalis has two other daughters who survived through the years and lead their own hives, Queen Atarane who has a hive in the Dragonlands, and Queen Scelus who has a hive in northern Equestria. Belladonna also has two queen daughters, Grennel, who rules a hive in Yakyakhistan and queen Hoppolitya in Saddle Arabia. As they will probably join their mothers in Equestria, they’ll be adding their changelings to the Equestrian population.”

“Adding changelings who are even more detached from the council. No wonder they are worried,” Luna said wryly. She turned to her sister. “What was your question, Celestia?”

“I was wondering the names of the queens, but I suppose you’ve answered that. What do their hives specialize in though, and why do your sisters have such few queen daughters?” Celestia asked.

“Bad luck and circumstance. We’re not sure because no wide-scale studies have been conducted, but it seems that the amount of love a queen receives is a prerequisite for the birth of a new queen. Simulacris hasn’t had a queen daughter because her hive is small. Belladonna and Chrysalis did, but only six in total, and of that only four survived. This is mainly because queens have to set out and establish their own hives, which often leads to them coming into competition with other queens, or getting killed trying to find a good hive spot,” explained Alternia.

“Ah. That makes sense,” said Celestia, sipping her glass of water.

And just like that, silence descended on the three princesses. They didn’t stare, they just sat in their respective beds and chair.

“It’s really over isn’t it?” Alternia asked, her voice tentative and tremulous.

“Yes. And we’re all still alive, remember that, Alternia,” Celestia said, a little more firmly. The changeling nodded in response, but she still looked somewhat downcast.

“Tethys is still here,” Luna pointed out.

“We have a few things we need to work out, but after that, she’ll be returning to Aquestria,” said Celestia.

Luna smirked. “So, what will you be up to when I leave?”

Celestia clamped down on the bittersweet feelings that sprang up and managed to return her sister’s smirk.

“Well, Alternia has a handsome suitor that is asking for her hoof.”

“Celestia!” exclaimed Alternia in mock irritation, her attention back on her co-rulers.

“Well it’s true. I’m surprised you haven’t used your hive link to try to contact him,” said Celestia.

Alternia sighed. “About that… I… well…” She forced her eyes to meet that of her co-rulers. “My hive mind seems to work, but my mind… I get flashbacks. If I focus too much on my memories, on my thoughts… I… I start going back.”

Celestia’s eyes widened. “Are you seeing a counsellor?”

“Belladonna has some experience with the changeling aspects of thing, but yes, I’ve had Cyndra book an appointment. But that’s not the only reason I need to talk to you about this.” Alternia took a deep breath. “Celestia, Luna, I’m going to need your help to block parts of my memory.”

“Are you sure, Alternia?”

“Yes. Most of the memories Shi-Nihalar gave me are complete fabrications, and if I remember them… I’m more likely to go insane simply by thinking about them,” she said.

“We’ll do that before I go to Aquestria.”

“Thank you,” said Alternia.


A few days later, Alternia was able to leave the bed, though she was confined to the hospital.

Walking with her… altered body was a rather strange experience. She nearly tripped over her hooves a couple of times. At this point, anything would be better than sitting in her bed.

Plus, she had one place that she needed to visit.

In one of the larger wardrooms, twenty-five beds had been laid out for the ten ponies and fifteen changelings of the Mirror Guard that had survived the last battle.

As Alternia trotted through, she thanked every one of her guards personally, whether they were conscious or not, and if they were changeling, gave them a slight boost of love.

When she finally reached the last bed, she found the last changeling sitting up, trying to smile, but not quite able to do so.

“Your highness,” said Harlequin with a wince. Bandages were wrapped around his chest. His wings were gone and his face was covered in several places with more gauze patches.

“Captain Harlequin. The guards you trained and led performed against impossible odds,” said Alternia, her voice somewhat strained.

“Thank you, your highness. Um, you look, different,” said Harlequin frowning.

Alternia laughed softly. “The Empress had to reshape my physical body to help me resist Shi-Nihalar when I was captured.” She quickly stymied Harlequin’s alarm and that of her guards with a quickly raised hoof. “I’ll have a briefing sent to you all later, but I have some other business to attend to first.”

Alternia took a deep breath, and looked Harlequin in the eye.

“Harlequin, do you remember our agreement?”

The changeling blinked, taking a moment before his lips formed a perfect “o” and he nodded quickly.

“I expect an invitation once you recover fully from your injuries,” said Alternia in a prim voice.

As the rest of the wardroom exploded into catcalls and woops so loud, it threatened to send doctors running, a grin split Harlequin’s features and he managed a mock salute with a trembling left hoof. “Of course, your highness, if you still want the affections of a flightless chevalier.”

Alternia arched one eyebrow, but she couldn’t help but chuckle. “You won’t disappoint me, Harlequin. Just be yourself,” she said kindly.

Harlequin somehow knew his crush would say something like that, but it touched him anyway. So as she turned and trotted toward the exit, he couldn’t help himself.

“Um, your highness?” he asked.

Alternia glanced over her shoulder. “Yes?”

“Would you mind, um, staying a little longer? With all of us? I mean… not just me. We’re kinda bored just minding our own business in here and well we’d appreciate the company, and well… maybe a story?” Harlequin said, a bit quickly.

Alternia glanced at the tired, but eager looking guards around her and nodded.

“I’d be glad to,” Alternia said, levitating a chair over, she turned it so she faced down the ward to the rest of her guard. “Why don’t I tell you all about my negotiations with king Ironwing, Last Viking King of the Griffons?”

Lieutenant Hydrangea, in a nearby bed, frowned. “Wait, isn’t it rumoured that you and him were an item?”

Alternia’s smile took on a sly quality as she glanced meaningfully at Harlequin who stared at his queen obliviously for a moment before he caught on.

Wait, seriously?

Take notes, Harlequin. I do have expectations after all.


Weeks later, Alternia’s personal diary...

Ponies tend to think that for me, for Celestia and Luna, another crisis is simply “another day at the office.” The fact is, it is never that simple. This crisis has further embedded that lesson into me, and reminded Equestria that we are simply not invincible.

The return to Canterlot was not celebratory. We were victorious, but by now everyone knows how costly that victory was. There was a crowd to welcome us back to the capital, but it was quiet. Many carried photos of their loved ones; others, flags of remembrance. I suppose the best way to explain what we felt was a solemn relief.

As expected, the agreements we’ve reached with the Aquestrians have held so far. Additionally, as a boon to us for our assistance, Queen Murmillar and Retariusil were reunited. There were much tears between Murmillar and Retariusil when they saw each other again. Murmillar is famished, but she’s in better health than we expected and will recover. I should know, I’m providing the love. Both have since returned to their hives in Old Venecia, and New Venecia.

Speaking of which, we finally decided New Venecia would be on the east coast. The Unknown West is still a bit too dangerous for settlement, at least until we’ve examined the creatures that live within. That all being said, New Venecia is one of the most exciting projects I’ll be witnessing in the next few years. Retariusil and Sebastiana are working together to make it a colony fit for both changelings and ponies. No longer will changelings live underground any longer.

It’s also designed for future Aquestrian commerce. Typhon suggested that, given the state of pollution on the east coast, it would be a good idea to have a trading post that would enable Aquestria to trade a bit more directly with Equestria. We initially were considering Sable Island off the eastern coast, but the citizens of Venecia didn’t want to live on an island again.

Tethys solved that. Diary, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The Empress raised new land from the ocean. Magma from underneath the sea rose and rose until this massive land bridge of obsidian was formed, connecting the island to the mainland. It’s done a lot to easing the fears of the Venecians and construction on the first homes and the market have begun already. It’s an interesting little thing we’re calling a shallow-water market, where seaponies can float up to sell their wares, whilst ponies can actually talk to them either from platforms going into an area of shallow water, or in the actual water itself (albeit, submerging about half of themselves).

The diplomats Tethys sent are competent and tactful. They’re adjusting well and having many meetings with the representatives of other nations to negotiate their rights to the seas and New Venecia.

However, there have also been some less favorable implications with this crisis. With warship development rendered pointless, there has been renewed interest in airships, which had been started in the Venecian crisis. Moreover, the severe losses we suffered because of the Primal God and the kelpies, the changeling invasion, the return of Discord and of Nightmare Moon, has infused our military and our public with a sense of martial urgency. Independent weapons designers have started to submit new ideas and test things at an unprecedented rate, to say nothing of some of the studies conducted by our larger military industries. I worry about the effect of this militarism, and while I will encourage this renewed focus on protecting Equestria, I will need to make sure to restrain it when need be. Introducing new weapons without fully considering the implications is something we cannot do lightly. This is especially since the Griffon Kingdom is feeling incredibly insecure thanks to the shift in the world’s power dynamic.

Besides, with the Western Seas finally calming down as Tethys sends in colonists and seaponies to reclaim the currents, Equestria finally has an opportunity to expand its borders into uncharted, unsettled territory for the first time in years.

Sadly, many families in Equestria are still in mourning. Luckily feelings to the kelpies are mixed due to their contributions to the defeat of Shi-Nihalar. More still are suffering from the wounds in the various battles we fought, though they are being assisted by the Equestrian Crown’s medical facilities.

As for my friends and family, Luna has left with her guard and other hostages (though some prefer the term residing dignitaries) to Aquamaris. There was a tearful goodbye that was slightly cheered up by the Pinkie Pie Party we held. Then Twilight and co. returned to Ponyville for some long deserved rest. Sunset still works with Celestia, but both have hired additional administrative staff and researchers to assist them in running Equestria.

I am worried about leaving Luna in Aquamaris, but Tethys has kept to her oaths and I doubt she would break them. After all, if she had wanted to destroy us now, why wait? Tethys had even mentioned to us before taking Luna to Aquamaris that she might be able to heal her leg, which is nice of her.

My sisters have returned to their own hives. Chrysalis was apparently the most eager as Lamia, while a good leader, still lacks the experience of her mother. Meanwhile, Cyndra has admirably filled the role that Raven has left. She has different habits and is perhaps less capable, but she’s learning fast. Diamondshell is back on her feet and going through therapy to help her deal with her injuries, and I have ordered a militarized prosthetic to be designed for her. I believe she’ll be helping lead my Mirror Guard in no time. Harlequin has recovered, but ordered to take it easy. From what I’ve heard from his compatriots, to take his mind off of the loss of his wings, he seems to also be resuming work on a side-project of his. Something to do with finding the long-lost wreck of the Admiral Sky Titan. I believe I can give him insight into this.

As for me, according to my doctors, it seems I will be struggling with what happened in that last battle for years. I suppose it is a small price to pay after the Old God nearly killed me, but… I… Stop.

There are ink blots on the paper as if the quill was held there for a minute.

It’s been painful dealing with it. I’ve never… never experienced such spats of weakness before and it’s infuriating and terrifying at the same time.

Yet, I don’t know why, but I looked out of my balcony today, saw Celestia’s sun rise, glanced at Diamondshell who was awake, though exhausted from watching over me as usual, and I felt oddly satisfied, though sad. I am expecting an invitation to a date. Most of my friends and family survived. It still hurts to remember Buzz and Raven, but I know I cannot obsess over their deaths, and the deaths of so many. They wouldn’t have wanted me to, and while I will remember, I cannot sit still.

More importantly, Equestria endured and we have not a friend, but not an enemy either. We were bloodied, forced to concede and change, but what is important about it, my subjects and friends, survived. I know that without our attempts at reconciliation and de-escalation, it would never have happened and we’d still be at war.

Perhaps we couldn’t find friendship with the kelpies, or with Shi-Nihalar, but our friendship which bound us together and ensured our survival in this crisis, continues and hopefully will continue, past my death and until the stars wink out.

Until then, I believe it is back to work. Harlequin and Diamondshell want to speak to me about something they think is rather urgent. Apparently—

Writing ends here as a line seems to be drawn across the page. It’s briefly interrupted by a rough scratched out word with an exclamation point at the end that starts with “C”

Oh. Well, until next time, diary. I will have plenty to write on this later.


A few minutes earlier…

Paperwork was terribly boring, but for now, Celestia was enjoying it to the fullest.

Her horn had finally regrown itself after numerous treatments. And she couldn’t help but enjoy the full benefits of fine magic control it granted her.

Petitioner’s court was mercifully empty this week, and so Celestia could just spend time just signing documents.

“Celestia, I’ve noticed something strange in magical storage that I might want your help checking out later,” Sunset said, looking up from where she was also reviewing Celestia’s correspondence and signed agreements.

“Continue,” said Celestia, looking up from her work.

“It is a mirror. I’m unsure of its properties. None of my tests have revealed anything. I even consulted Archmage Meringue and Mage Moon Dancer, one of our best researchers on artifacts, and she had no idea. Given that, it is too dangerous to be examined alone,” said Sunset.

“Huh. I’ll have a look once we finish—”

Celestia frowned as a Royal Guard tore down the hallway, breathing heavily and stopped in front of the foot of the three thrones.

“News from Northern Equestria!”

Lowering her quill and drawing herself up in her throne, Celestia asked, “What news, private?”

The Royal Guard bowed low and took his helmet off.

“Your highness, the Crystal Empire has returned.”

Author's Note:

Note on Audience Stories Written in the Alternia-verse (Jan 2019)
I previously have been a bit... well I was never fully comfortable with people taking my characters and running with it.

However, I think that since I'm not writing that much fanfiction these days, people should feel free to go ahead and write what they want. If they let me know, I'll even blog about it if I like their work. That being said, their work should be treated like canon until proven otherwise. I'm happy to help you and consult with my existing plans and headcanon for the Alternia verse if you want to write in it and ask me, but if you wanna do your own thing, go ahead, just be warned that I might add stuff to my verse that might overwrite your stuff.

Author’s Reflection
Edited October 4, 2017
I wanted Alternia and Company to return for the final entry to the series, a following of Alternia and her close compatriots through MLP seasons 3-7. This is because I wanted to deal with the aftermath of ECQ&tAE, though I expected it to focus more on the canon seasons events, while fleshing out the characterization of Diamondshell and Harlequin in particular. This particularly story will be updated more spasmodically than ECQ&tAE and be Slice of Life mainly. Though don’t expect Alternia to sit idly by when crises goes down. Plus, I think I need to give more love to Harlequin….

Problem... work. Need to find a job, and also, I want to write an original novel. Thus the sequel is... well I'm not sure if and when I'm getting to it.

However, because Zerv asked me nicely and frankly because… he’s annoyingly right :P, I’m going to work on a side-story explaining the actions of Empress Samudra, The Journal of Samudra. It’ll cover a lot of Kelpie backstory that we simply couldn’t cover in ECQ&tAE, including the darker stuff that wasn’t immediately relevant to this story.

Anyway, that was a bloody intense run. It was hard writing this, in the beginning and toward the end. Mainly b/c the beginning the dogged by criticism and the end dogged by my commitments to my Graduate degree in history. Zerv got really frustrated about that, but well I eventually managed to settle into a 1-page a day writing schedule.

I’d like to thank my pre-readers Blankscape, Final Fan and Courage Fire for their support all these years.

Moreover, I’d like to thank my co-author Zervziel, who didn’t write much, but provided me with this very detailed concept, Tethys, the kelpies backstory, lore and design, and the Aquestrians and who, with me, planned the plot for ECQ&tAE. He’s also been my most stalwart supporter and critic, challenging me to write better and explore concepts that I wouldn’t have done otherwise.

While I’m aware a lot of people didn’t enjoy ECQ&tAE as much as PC:TCQ, I am proud of it in a way. In PC:TCQ, the premise was very much tied to getting audiences to like it. With ECQ&tAE, it is an oddly refreshing challenge to do something strange, challenging, perhaps not totally successful, but mentally complicated to write a villain not of your own design, with a world not of your own.

It was also an interesting exercise in group work, with me and Zerv compromising a lot on things that I sometimes wouldn’t before, but realizing it probably would work better. I also appreciated someone who would defend our creative decisions, which is why I ended up promoting Zerv to co-author status.

I and Zervziel also going to be opening a Discord room for 4:00-6:00pm time EST on Monday April 17 for everybody to do an Ask Me Anything. (Link https://discord.gg/SDWaFjp and you don’t even have to download anything, just join in the browser). Come in to talk to me live and ask me questions about ECQ&tAE and just chill.

If you are unable to make it, you can come earlier and ask the question. Just don’t expect me or Zerv to answer it immediately.

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Comments ( 111 )

Nice to see this finally completed! I wait excitedly for the sequel!

8094727 Don't forget about the Discord chat on mOnday!

It was fun working on this. Even through the rough bits (every good story has them). So it's been fun, see yall in the side story and the sequel.

I enjoyed this and look forward to the next installment!

Thank you for writing this. I certainly enjoyed reading it.

Even if the comment section was at times far less nice than in other stories >_>

Overall I thought this was a more well composed story than PC:TCQ. The original still has most of my favorite scenes from the series, but this one has a more satisfying narrative structure. And Alternia being driven mad by Shi-Nihilar trumps all of the dramatic crises from PC:TCQ.

I'm really looking forward to book three, since lots more Slice of Life is exactly what I've always wanted from this series.

Intense for sure! I will say I loved this story - it was, admittedly, a little darker at times than my usual fare, but y'all did a fantastic job bringing these characters to life! Well done indeed!

Wonderful. Yet another story that had me on the edge of my seat. I'm happy to know that there will be a third story. I adore the character of Alternia and look forward to seeing more of her. I'm interested to seeing how the crystal heart and King Sombra will be handled in your universe. Until next time. :pinkiehappy:

JMP

Personally, I enjoyed this more that PC:TCQ. I really loved reading this, and was always wondering what can and will happen next. Looking forward to both the sequel, and the Kelpie side-story, The Journal of Samudra

So much fun!
Keep going! ;)

At least from what you’ve told me about Typhon’s visits to Vanhoofer’s libraries,

Vanhoover's
____________________

“I didn’t expect we’d form it so quickly, but I agree. We need to rethink about what our military can do and what it role should be, and equip them properly to fulfil that role.”

its

fulfill
___________

I look forward to the next fic, and it'll be nice to have a good little SoL fic as the next part of the series.

8094727 8094896 XD. Thanks due to finding work and all it will be updated slower, but yeah, there will be followup.

8094951 you can thank Zervziel for that. He and me, though mainly him checking after me, tried to ensure a tight, cohesive narrative structure, whilst also trying to avoid dramatic cliches. Could you imagine that until Zerv was like "this is boring" I was for 27 about to do a Sombra-esque lame ass mental battle instead of the inception level stuff I ended up doing?

8095266 Thank you for sticking around!

8095450 Honestly I'm not expecting too much divergence from canon in the rest of the series, but there will be moments where Alternia will intervene where Celestia in canon didn't b/c... goddamnit Starlight/Lightning Dust/Trixie, you don't just freaking do that to ponies!

8095519 Well I hope you're not just one of the few, I always had the impression PC:TCQ was somehow more enjoyable.. well yeah it's lighter fare, but when I look back I'm like... that's actually kinda dark vren55. Anyway, glad you'ore actually looking forward to the side-story. Gives me more motivation to write it out!

8097237 8097614 RL is threatening to intervene, but I'll keep this up as long as I can.

8097797

Talking from experience. RL sucks. Hopefully things can calm down or stabilize for you. And best of luck to you ^_^.

8097797 RL does that. So annoying!

And this tale comes to a satisfying close. Looking forward to the future stories.

Well congratulations this was a great story and I can't wait for the next one. I also have to ask a question, did Tethys ever cure the kelpies of their cannibalism using the magic she acquired?

Wait... It's not over? Th-there's more!? There's actually more!? My other beloved changeling series isn't over!?

:yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::moustache:

8099186 She's going to. And well my headcanon says she will. Technically they aren't cannibals, but they are predators of sapients... which Tethys doesn't want either for peace with seaponies.

8099579
Thanks for answering my question, also the new Alternia looks Interesting wish there was a picture of her so I could get a better idea of what she looks like.

Crystal Empire + Equestria Girls? I'm flubbergustied.

8099579 Sapients. Your cat is sentient, a human is sapient.

8101169 Sorry I got the two mixed up :P

Damn, it's over. Helluva thing that, even if all throughout you struggled with chapters soaked in explanation and exposition, I have to say it's a helluva thing sitting here at the end, and you should feel proud of making it this far.

I didn't even know this story existed a few days ago, and was glad to find it done! I loved the previous story!

Now I'm at the end of this, and I must say I have greatly enjoyed it! Thrilling and thoughtful, tons of emotions experienced throughout. :twilightsmile:

Alternia and Company will return for the final entry to the series

:pinkiegasp::yay::heart:

Looking forward to it and the side story! This is a wonderful series! C:

This whole series was simply amazing! great job!

Well I've enjoyed this story. I was always happy to see an update. I started on it when you only had a few chapters done, and I didn't realize it was a sequel to Changeling Queen until I started on it so it was a pleasant surprise to catch up with Alternia's adventures. While it does have the cliche' "ancient evil rises" in spades, it was interesting to see how the coalition came together to fight. And it is realistic that it took a dozen girls to beat down one old dude.

If I had one critique it would be the whole "pollution" excuse. If they're that fragile then they're not going to last long as a species. It seemed a little hard to believe that such powerful beings were less durable than a gold fish. Also I somehow feel that in the end its all going to fall apart and the kelpies are going to start murdering again.

What I like the most was when they decide to trust Samudra even though it puts them at a big disadvantage in the end. Honestly I'm not sure what to think about her. Power corrupts.

8107834 You mean Tethys... also, they're not weak, it's just they can't stand prolonged exposure to pollution, which frankly all species share.

This was amazing. And cant wait for more. Now just a flash forward though... After all this, Tirek will be so :yay:-up thats not even funny, and that's makes it hilarious. :derpytongue2:

8109493 .... We have planssss for tirek XD

8109673

Cant wait to see it hehe, but Mare~
Twilight boosted by 3 Princess, 4 Queens, and the Empress just for good measure XDDDDDDDDDD
Or just the Empress, magicless or not, belly flops Tirek, GG XDDDD

Oh! I had a major brainfart. I realized who my mental image of Tethys was for a lot of the story!

This thing from Kim Possible a ways back XD
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/b/b2/Vlcsnap-2015-05-10-09h37m20s501.png/revision/latest?cb=20150510143737
Add a few tentacles, and a splash of elder god shredding teeth and that's my mental image! :derpytongue2:

Congrats on 1000 likes!

i just finished your story. the old one story i didn't really like but i see that without a common enemy peace would not come between land and sea. however the crimes the kelpie did to the equestrians are still inexcusable. i personally want their empress dead, however peace must be maintained. does the empress really have the power to change her people to not be carnivorous? does she even want to?

i am not happy with the end but i look forward to the next one, and it was a good story. good job at finishing a long series.

But I still have a million questions mostly about kelpies and Tethys. How would I get the answers to them?

when i wrote my last comment i was in a bad place, but life is better and i thought about it. i still do not like Tethys as a character, and i do not trust her with old one powers. however if i was a equestrian i would be willing to let go of my predigest and work for the the common good. on the condition that she apologized, she personally did many terrible things to equestria and the only way she could prove to me that she wasn't really a monster is if she acknowledged that it was wrong to kill all those people. terrible things must be done in war, but if you do not acknowledged that they are terrible you become worse the the thing you fight.

*crawls out of finished list of unread chapters in the favorites list*
whatyearisit.info/img/what_year_is_it.jpg

In all seriousness, i can't wait to see what happens next. I got other shit to read, but i'll be looking forward to dedicating more of my downward spiral to reading about happier things! I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL!!!!

8123034 Thing is your comment is pretty vague. Kill what people? The pirates? Equestria's fleet when it broke treaty and drove right up on the sea pony capital city? Kinda need to be more specific. As for becoming worse than the thing you fight, the old god still has the kelpies beat in terms of atrocities.

8155216 Why would she break it?

Why not get Plainoasis to make cover art for the sequel?

8195415 Firimil's currently working on the cover for Samudra's journal. I need to think about Reign fo the Changeling Queen's cover..

8199496 It's possible... but problem, Kelpies may be pretty good shapeshifters, but they can't really take in light :P

Comment posted by vren55 deleted May 31st, 2017

8200094 Okay do you want me to respond to you if you aren't getting a response if you're on this rant or are you just asking for attention? I honestly can't tell because " Here are my two cents.

People are not unhappy about the fights because Celestia and Luna aren't blowing up Kelpies with moonbeams, although some may say it that way

I can only go by what people tell me and the Celestia and Luna aren't as powerful as people think they should be is the most common complaint I get. So I respectfully disagree with you on that point

On the point that I and zervziel (8147996 ) gave the kelpies too many chapters (you say 10) where they were having an advantage over the Equestrians...

They're on the water. They're evolved for the water. If they weren't beating the Equestrians at first then they wouldn't be a race evolved to be in water. Moreover, you say 10 chapters. The actual battles that took place between the kelpies and the Equestrian military only took 3 chapters total. Are they disadvantaged for 20 chapters? yes, but they're constantly learning more after every encounter.

The story has shown no negative force against them, no loss except some minor pollution that was already happening, and yet 20 chapters of the characters written who we want to see win, even tho we know there will be hardship, get completely shit on. The reader does not want 20 chapters of downhill depression. I've read MANY dark stories, some made me partially ill after, but that was the intent and I was content with reading them. This, while labeled dark in nature, has left me ill even more so, and not because the content was worse in nature, but because its a constant thought of, oh maybe they will get something done, win some battle, actually injure a kelpie...but this never happens. And the one time it does, its roughtly 30 vs 10, with at least 3 changeling captains, 3 changeling queens, and an elite battalion backing vs 2 kelpie captains and 8 kelpies. They proceed to get completely and utterly rekt under the pretense of oh no books and this one kelpie is special.

I have no idea what you mean by negative force, but the minor pollution is not minor. It's basically killing their farmland considering all of it is on the coast. Zervziel has read darker stuff than I ever had and he will agree with me that... while dark, this is hardly depressing considering its simply pointing out what happens when you get into a species's home turf.

They also have a very limited population. In fact they number about or less 3,000... total... tops, like that's it, nobody else. While a significant portion of this population are warriors, the population is so small it pretty much balances the victories the kelpies had.

Finally, the lack of dead kelpies seen by the cast was deliberate. As the library sequence shows, dead kelpies eventually turn into water. and in the dark, when ponies can't see that well, and in the chaos of battle. they won't really be able to realize they killed a kelpie because it turns into water, leaving no corpse, hell not even blood.

Now, I can't control how you read it and how you took it because this was a serialized work and so the chapters came out one after the other over the course of a few years. Thus, I can understand and will take into account your view that the story can be very depressing.

Of course what changes I plan on making will vary on the time I have which =... none at the momet

8200647 I see where you are coming from regarding the kelpies seem invincible because I've never showed the audience what happens when an alicorn gets to go head to head with a kelpie and have no need to hold back. That I get. The rest I disagree with

However, given the tone of your rant, I Don't think anything I say about what I think will convince you that they aren't overpowered. I and my co author made a decision. I stand by it even if it probably does needs a tweak or two. You don't hav to like it. And if you don't like it, then don't read on and don't waste your time ranting (unless you aren't ranting and can say it in a calm paragraph) because ranting to me isn't going to change my mind. Hell, getting rants tend to make most people just block and delete.

8199639 The kelpies become that race so when they transform the light doesn't bother them. Problem is most modern kelpies aren't versed in acting like a surface dweller.

8202957 *facedesk* right, but yeah, they don't know how to act like modern dweller.

8219553
Thanks, I'll have to read it later.

second to the last chapter...

...wealth. Alternia had pointedly turned down the proposal and suggested...

should probably be celestia or luna, as Alternia is knocked out still.

I was actually afraid to read the last ten or so chapters because the suspense was getting too much for me to handle. Plus, the word count kinda intimidated me. I finally worked up the nerve and binge-read the remainder of the story over the past few days. I am not disappointed. I will keep an eye out for more.

It still has numerous grammar errors and could really benefit from a proofreader, but the story was good enough that even I could look past that. Your most common mistake was redundant wording (ex.: "She waved and said, 'Hello' as she waved at them" or "He said asked, 'What?'"). Your second-most common mistake was using "I and [name]" instead of "[Name] and I", which I recall pointing out to you several times in the past. However, the last three or four chapters seem to have this mistake corrected, which is good.

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