• Member Since 11th May, 2012
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Emeral Bookwise

A lonely pony amidst the darkness, ever longing for companions to share the night with.


Ever since Gilda the griffin came to town, Rainbow Dash has been slacking off from her weather duties even more than usual. Worse still, the pair have been practically terrorizing the townsfolk with recklessly inconsiderate pranks. Raindrops has been trying to take this all in stride, but when one prank goes too far, the temperamental pegasus must take it into her own hooves to teach the pair a lesson.

-- This story is set in RainbowDoubleDash's Lunaverse.
-- Art elements by BananaMonsterrr and Alecza1234.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 168 )

Well here it is my first every story. Never figured my first posting would amount to a fanfic of a fanfic, but inspiration is what it is. I'd ask that readers be gentle with any critiques, but I'll never learn if folks pull their punches.

For those familiar with the Lunaverse, I'll put forward that this story was originally conceived and written to take place some time in the spring prior to the events of Boast Busted, however, that timeframe seems to have become a little crowded since then. As such, I'm considering making revisions to adjust it's chronological placement, though crowded doesn't mean impossible to fit, and given my tendency to plan and re-plan till I've over-planed yet accomplished nothing, I figured I'd best get at least the current version out the door. Edit: Placement has now been finalized, it comes after the as of yet undocumented Winter Wrap-up, but before Fizzy Orange's File Under 'I' for 'Impossible'. If you haven't already read that go do so, NOW!

Fun Fact: When I typed this story I had to fight very hard against the constant escape effort of my 'n' and 'm' keys. I really need to fix/replace my keyboard.

Adding to favorites... but I will read later. Sorry. :fluttershysad:

DAAAAASH! :twilightangry2: that griffon is a BAD influence.

I can't wait to see where this goes.

Also I suggest you get a proofreader to help out, there's a few typo here or there. It's 'route' not 'rout' and 'fury' not 'furry'. For exemple.

Wow. Dash's pranks are alot more dickish in this universe.

Raindrops needs to layeth the smacketh down upon Gilda.

Chaos and Mayham abounds... I guess this shows the difference of Dash/Gilda pranking vs Dash/Pinkie pranking.

This is the first lunaverse fic to really show Raindrops implied 'attitude issues' and though justified things could definitely get ugly. Trixie is tertiary thus far because she hasn't be pranked and thus not really her problem, easy to see... at least until the complaints start to roll in and the forms pile up haha. Also it's good that Ditzy's 'friend to all' aura includes bees... that one could have been nasty. Good work capturing the universe thus far.

Yeah, I'm all too aware that I should get a proofreader, even went over to the main proofing group to look into the matter, but their system of pick a name off a giant list and start asking/begging is a bad system for me. I don't do so well making arbitrary decisions like that or at making requests of perfect strangers, even if they are openly asking people to do just that. I could have easily spent the next three or so days trying to invent criteria on which to base a choice, than another day or two working up the nerve to actual ask, and well like I said I was really feeling the need to just get this thing published while the motivation in me was still strong. Anyway, fixed those two typos.

656164 656332
The dickish pranks were basically the main premise that this fic grew out of. In the show it was Pinkie Pie who taught Dash that a good prank is one where the prankee laughs just as much as the pranker, so in a world where they were never friends and where Gilda gets to be the role-model such as it were, well things don't go nearly so well. Raindrops became the obvious focus character based on the events of LNLD; her frustrations with Dash's slacking and her later threats to "murder" Trixie over the whole weather mercenaries incident.

Also glad to see the prank on Ditzy seems to be going over well enough. That to me was the weakest part of the montage. I knew I wanted her to walk away unscathed and seeming unaware, both to frustrate the pranksters and to show off that she's possibly all too used to such attempts, but coming up with the actual prank was rough.

Let me see if I can find...

Ah, here we go.


I've been looking forward to a Raindrops story, and you seem to have a good grasp on her personality. While reading I could feel the anger just beneath the surface, and I'm going to admit to being surprised that chapter 2 didn't begin with Ponyvile's population having decreased by one (or at least begin in a hospital with Gilda, Dash, and Raindrops all getting patched up).

LOL, that image. Well now that I've got the lord almighty of the Lunaverse setting up his own personal throne in the front row I guess I'm obligated to deliver. Anyway, thanks for confirming that I'm on something of the right track with Raindrops persona. That was definitely a part that worried me and kept me double guessing whether I was making her out to be too much of a barely restrained rage-oholic or giving her too much self-control and letting the other characters walk all over her.

As for the lack of murder/hospital, there wouldn't be much story to tell if we skipped right to the payoff. Though I did consider adding an imagine spot, when she snapped during the Carrot Top incident, where Raindrops brutally eviscerates the pranksters and baths in their blood (well not quite that extreme) along with an imaginary Pinkie Pie then proceeding to lead the entire town in a joyous chorus of Ding-Dong the Bitch is Dead and wrapped up with the mayor presenting Raindrops the official "Prize Pony of Ponyville" award.


There needs to be a picture of that.


Ah, my. At least Rainbow Dash is consistent in that she totally fails to understand Ditzy in this timeline as well. Dashie'll never, EVER get it but Ditzy can read her like a cheap novel; she won't do anything about it because she doesn't resent her (much) and knows that a certain jasmine-colored melee Pegasus will deal with the idiot post haste.

Yep, that's a cut above canon!Rainbow's usual level of pranking, at least outside the confines of Nightmare Night. You've captured Raindrops's frustration very well here.

How did I not notice the second chapter on my first reading? Oh well!

This is great! The string of pranks is cleverly written, and I really, really loved the bit with Ditzy Doo and the bees. Ditzy does have an awful lot of patience.

If you want a proofreader, why not ask in the Lunaverse group itself? I'm sure somepony would be willing to help. I'd be willing to proofread, but I couldn't guarantee how quickly I could get through a chapter.

Rainbow, you bitch.:rainbowhuh:

Kick her ass, Raindrops!

... Okay, that's a bit worse than usual from Dash.

*Hands Raindrops a modified shotgun* Here, for your hooves. :flutterrage:

Man, those were some nasty pranks. And yeah, as others have said, keeping in line with how Dash would be without Pinkie Pie to hold her back.

About the only thing that might get RD to see reason is seeing Gilda prank one of Ditzy's friends: :fluttercry:
Were that to happen, she'd join the melee Pegasus in dismantling her pal.

You didn't describe what Trixie ordered. Was it pinecones?

To be perfectly honest, I never decided. I might add that into a future revision, or not. Raindrops is the perspective character and she really doesn't quite know what's on her plate other than that Trixie claims that it's delightful. If it helps your imagination, the café was supposed to be French (or fancy as they say in ponyville), something I apparently neglected to make as clear as intended. Also, also given Lunaverse Trixie tastes in other stories, the food is probably a mix of two or more dishes that don't normally go together.

671915 Ah, café food, where you pay 8 dollars for 8 grams. It's a shame that yuppies only dine somewhere if there's a wine list.

...Okay, now I'm starting to rant here.

Good opening! There's a slight run-on sentence in the second paragraph, but otherwise I didn't find any problems. Good Trixie, and I think it's best if the identity of the 'food' remain ambiguous. :twilightsmile:

"Okay maybe, but did the rest of the town deserve to have to put up with two hours of whining at a pitch so intense that it insured no pony within a three block radius could sleep in?"

ensured. Resuming now.

Well it's also still ponyville, which is still something of a backwater nowhere town, so I'd imagine that the cost to weight ratio is probably a little more favorable. Aslo, while the café is [i[Fancy, I don't think it's anywhere near the crème de la crème of the Ponyville dinning scene such as it were. Upscale, probably , but certanly not top of the line.

If this takes place before "I for Impossible," Maybe the knife-at-face trick could be the one Trixie practices on Moondancer.

At the front of the room paced a plumb colored mare
Take out the 'b'

A see green unicorn mare, made to enter a candy shop when, she suddenly found herself spun about in a whirl as a flash of colors whizzed past her.
Sea, and the commas are unnecesary.

Ditzy Doo merrily continued down the road, one eye fixed ahead, as the other tracked a pair of unaware would be pranksters as they flew away.
Awesome, and while this isn't as big a deal as the others, I'd recommend adding dashes between the selected words, IE "unaware would-be-pranksters" Also, second comma is unnecesary.

Not at Carrot Top, too whom they had recklessly inflicted who knows how much property damage while nearly drowning the poor mare in the process.
To, and maybe add a comma between 'damage' and 'while'

Her eyes locked briefly with Raindrops own.
This is a tough grammar thing, but when a proper noun ends with an 's,' simply add the apostrophe to the end of the word: Raindrops'

The pair of pranksters where off in a flash

They probably thought themselves to be cleverly shaking off any would be pursuit. They clearly didn't understand the nature of the fury they had brought upon themselves.
Not vital, but perhaps merge these two with a semicolon in between, (pursuit; they) rewording the start of the second, (pursuit, clearly not understanding) or something along those lines.

probably start planning there next act of vandalism

So let them run, it will only make them all the easier to handle when she catches up.
Maybe insert 'she' between 'so' and 'run,' replace the comma with a semicolon, and make the other two past tense.

she heard Carrot Top call out from bellow

The now embodiment of righties fury slowed her ascent,
Maybe replace 'now' with 'new?' I dunno, that whole phrasing is a bit awkward. Also, righteous.

but was any pay back, no matter how deserved, worth her friend's livelihood.
Replace period with a question mark, and maybe add 'well' between 'how' and 'deserved.'

but what kind of friend would Raindrops be if she left while there was still a chance to salvage the situation.

Sorry to nitpick; aside from the grammar issues, this was another great chapter! I loved the prank montage in particular. :)


That was the idea, though when I wrote the line it more specifically referred to the trick as seen in Boast Busted, but since that's what she's practicing for with Moondance, same difference more or less.

More fixed. Think I got those all, except were intentionally left for stylistic purposes, and thank you very much. Don't put yourself down for nitpicking. I asked for as much and I'm glad someone finally took me up on it. Help like this could earn you first reading privileges when Chapter 3 is closer to done.

672894 I think the knife trick has pretty much become a running joke in the Lunaverse. XD Like a reverse Noodle Incident.

Really? :pinkiegasp: I'll try to be as helpful as I can!

First up, I'd like to give a special shout-out to LDLUYAB who proofed this chapter, and boy did it really needed the proofing. If you all found this chapter a smoother read than the preceding two, that's to whom all thanks is owed, so give 'em some love. :heart:

Now on a personal front, I'm somewhat impressed with myself. I finished this about a day ahead of my original schedule, and after losing most of two days while I tried to catch up with paperwork at the office.

Anyway, for your continued reading pleasure I present the next installment in my humble attempt at writing. Hope you all enjoy/enjoyed it. Also, now that I've pinned down the continuity placement for this story, I went back and made some minor expansions to the early dialog in Ch.1. It's nothing that changes anything, just meant to add continuity and context.

Usefully Links For a Deeper Understanding of Details In This Chapter:
-- The Map!; post #38 or so: for more information on griffin society and culture.
-- Rainbow Dash: The Living Disaster!; post #1: for more information regarding how obscure Equestrian legal codes apply to this situation.

Fact: Bored Trixie ignoring her official duties is in no way serving as a proxy for me, her stage performance is in no way a proxy for this story, and the paddleball is in no way a proxy for me goofing off and writing a Twilight Sparkle "villain" song. Anyone who says otherwise is a dirty liar. :twilightangry2: Well, maybe that last one is true a little. :ajsleepy:

Seriously though, I actually did write that whole part before a massive 2,037 page document got dropped into my in-box, but the similarity of circumstance was not lost on me. Probably some sort of karmic justice for inflicting the situation on Trixie in the first place.

I guess Cheerilee's freaky knowledge of the legal code is the parallel to Fluttershy's freaky knowledge of sewing?

That was the notion I was trying to get at. It might not have been intentional on his part, but Blackbelt can be credited for putting the concept in my head.


I got way more excited than I should have when I got to that part of the story. I didn't even know I had made that into a thing, I wrote originally just for the sake of being funny.

Anyway, Trixie and Raindrops teaming up against Gilda and Rainbow Dash (and maybe Scootaloo? Would be funny if Trixie saw Scoots and recognized her) That should be an interesting meetup.

Oh, Dash, Gilda? You two better run! Man, Dash unleashed like this is... kinda scary. :twilightoops: Good on Fluttershy still being her 'morality pet', as the saying goes. Boo on Gilda, though. *launches missile at her*

Morality pet, indeed. Though now I'm imagining some freaky Lunaverse version of the "Find a Pet" song along those lines. BTW, no. Despite what my recent reputation might suggest, I am not writing that.

Scoots and Trixie probably won't come up again in my story. It was basically just a one off joke to get Trixie to have a minor mental break. If you feel like it though, please feel more than welcome to work something like that into you own upcoming fic. Also, my assumption would be that Scoots was something of a patsy in all this. Dash probably never told her anything other than to deliver the box.

Oh, and sorry for the secondary notification, accidental deleted the original while responding to striker

I noticed that somepony's name was beneath Trixie's notice. No blistering wonder Fluttershy thinks Trixie hates her....she can't hardly even be asked to remember her name!!!

As for Rainbow Dash being classified as a force of nature, that probably holds true in the Celestiaverse as well.

I'd expect Trixie can't be bothered to remember most pony's names, unless they are in a prominent political position, let alone a hermit who lives past the edge of town and who she only ever met once ── Wait I forgot Trixie's scene in Family Matters, she knew her name then. Whoops, plot whole. :twilightoops: Wait, no, keep it together, you can do this Emeral can do this. In all the panic and excitement of that story Trixie's brain was getting an extra jolt of adrenaline that kicked her name recollection ability into high gear. Yes? That makes perfect sense, right? :twilightblush:


Anyway, I'd agree that Dash as a registered living disaster would be cool in the maneline too, though I'm uncertain who could have possibly filed such paperwork.

I should think that she had help remembering Fluttershy's name along the way. Said help is slightly angrier at Ditzy than Amethyst is and is currently berating her reflection for the excesses of her misspent youth.

Time for me to finally ask a question I should have asked a while ago. You've said the story is set between Winter Wrap-Up and File Under 'I' for 'Impossible', but where is it set relative to Family Matters? My current storage method for Lunaverse fics involves chronological order, and I don't know whether to place this between The Night After and Family Matters or between Family Matters and File Under 'I' for 'Impossible'.

"What!? I've been in my office all day. Whoever you thought you saw, it wasn't Trixie!"

I am now curious as to whether or not Trixie may have actually done something recently.

She may know Fluttershy's name in "Family Matters" only due to Lyra suggesting that Fluttershy has chickens only a few minutes ago from her perspective.

Cheerilee had an...interesting...time in her teenage years, or whatever the pony equivalent of those is, I think. Suffice to say that she had ample opportunity to learn about the Equestrian legal code.

Oh my. Trixie and Raindrops versus the winged jerks. This should be good.

I really like the idea of RD being a literal registered natural disaster. Of course, there's probably something in the law about the Night Court rep. being empowered to fight and resist natural disasters. Sure, usually that means they hire extra weather patrollers to break up hurricanes, or they set up bucket brigades to put out fires, but I can see Trixie using that mandate to basically outlaw Rainbow Dashiness anywhere in the city limits.

692413: And now I'm seeing a sunglass-wearing Cherilee smoking a cigarette and spraypainting the Manehattan library. "Studying is for squares!"

I could be wrong here, but last time I checked I thought Family Matters was set in Winter, or at least it starts there. Either way, this one comes after that.

Ah, good point, about Fluttershy's name.

As for the line, my personal opinion would be that Trixie is always up to something or another, especially when she's bored. Not always something bad, in fact, usually pretty harmless, though probably nothing she wants Raindrops knowing about either. Even when she hasn't actually been up to something, she is so often enough that immediate denial has become something of an automated response, especially when she is panicking at the sight of being confronted by a pony that seems to have been consumed by a cold murderous fury.

As to which of those above scenarios applies to this specific instance? I'll choose to leave that to the individual reader, or to any author that decides they want to use it as a hook.

An interesting premise, but the codes for dealing with such things weren't really ever meant to be applied to sentient beings. From a strictly legal standpoint, banning Rainbow Dash from ponyville would be like trying to ban a storm that formed over the Everfree, or to use more familiar terms, it would be like trying to repeal the law of gravity or legislate the value of pi.

The previous representative probably had to pull some serious legal shenanigans to get the classification put in place. Probably no overt lies, but plenty of intentionally avoiding or obscuring the specific details. I suppose that since Dash actually is a pony one could try to make laws against her, but doing so would probably only serve to draw attention to the fact that the original laws had been abused in the first place, thus revoking her disaster status, and leaving the citizens of ponyvile stuck with the bills, and no one want's that especial Silver Scroll, think of all that lost MONEY.

Also, you might note that not even Raindrops, who is on the weather team knew about this, and Trixie only knew because of Cheerilee specifically. Despite Dash and Gilda running amok all over town, no one seems else have come to Trixie about it, at least not with financial concerns. It's not important to this story, but the way I see it the mayor normally fields all the complaints against Dash for property damage, files the disaster relief claim on behalf of the city, pays out the minimum to the effected citizens and then puts the rest into the towns coffers, or depending on how cynical you want to be, her own pockets, though I prefer to think that she's only "cheating" the individual citizens for the benefit of the entire town as whole, especial as Cheerilee is implicitly fine with letting her get away with it.

Oh, Scootaloo, would you jump off a cliff if Rainbow Dash told you it would be cool? :scootangel:

What do you think RD's "flying" lessons with the kid consist of? :rainbowlaugh:

An interesting start, but it could use quite a bit of proofreading. I'd be happy to help, if you'd like to polish this story, as well as any future efforts on your part.

Well, I've already implemented a fair amount of proofing advice that another reader gave me for chapters 2 and 3, but who didn't seem to have as much to say about chapter 1. I'd love to get any additional opinions and insights you have to offer though so that I can make this fic as good as it can possibly be.


"yet it seemed even these months later..." Awkward. Perhaps 'even after all these months'

"It had seemed reasonable enough at the time, Trixie..." replace the comma with a semicolon.

"... if it had even been written in equestrian..." Equestrian in this instance is being used as a language. As such, it is a proper noun.

"she interrupted the azure coted mare.." Dropped a letter. Should be coated.

"Is that not plainly obvious" needs a question mark.

"...almost justified slapping her upside the head any way." Justified in slapping, and anyway, not any way.

"Trixie chuckled with that distinctive trill of hers, "but don't you see..." Comma should be a period. But should be capitalized. You do the same thing in the next paragraph with Raindrops speaking. Also 'then added in a muter', mutter has two t's.

"I've lived in ponyvill long enough..." Ponyville is a proper noun, and is capitalized. Also it has an e.

"And then this mourning---" Wrong morning, dear.

"So focused on her goal as she ascended..." Should either be 'She was so focused...' or 'So focused was she...'.

"No she had more important...' Should be a pause between No and she. No, she had more important matters...

"...in her second favorite pass time, napping." Should be pastime: napping.

"Rainbow Dash!" she bellowed, "so this is where..." So should be capitalized.

"yeah, yeah. I'll get right on that..." First yeah should be capitalized.

"...from having her nap disturb, still, if it meant..." Should be 'from having her nap disturbed. Still, if it meant...'

"She place each of her..." should be placed.

I may have missed some, as I am somewhat tired from a long day. But that should make things much easier to read. :moustache:

Excellent, and thank you very much. I kept a few things as is. I'll claim stylistic preference as my excuse, but overall this was very helpful. Just in time too, as RDD put up a Lunaverse continuity blog post that could mean this fic might be picking up traffic in the near future. So again, thank you.

SCOOTALOO! Y U do that?
The RD being a natural disaster is SOLOL! Trixie should band RD from entering city limits (:rainbowderp: What me no be a meniepants anymore?) (She deserves it!) :pinkiehappy:
O yah, the story's great! Lunaverse RULES!

The story might not make it clear, but as I see it Scoots is really just a patsy in all this. This is the first and only time she's been involved in the story, and she doesn't even get name dropped. Rainbow and Gilda are the ones who got Trixie's cloths from the cleaner and dyed them, then they just gave the box to Scoots to deliver it, taking advantage of her always eager to help Dash attitude, and never letting the filly in on the prank.

As for Banning Rainbow from Ponyville? The laws really aren't set up to work that way. I went into more detail on the matter in an earlier post (692747). Maybe, I should put up a blog of authors notes for that part or something.

Other than the annoyance of Gilda automatically jumping on a shipping angle for Dash's friendship with Fluttershy (I'd expect her to eventually use that as a tease, but not jump right to it), this is quite good.

Gilda jumping the shipping angle is supposed to be annoying, so I'm glad it bothered you as much as it did Dash. Matter is resolved though now. According to my interpretation of griffins (as detailed on the Lunaverse boards, post #38 or so), once a griffin backs down they don't ever bring up the subject again.

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