• Member Since 15th May, 2015
  • offline last seen January 9th

CristalGalaxy


Avatar by @Whiskerr on DeviantArt <3

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 31 )

no don't be sorry for writing this story because i like this story and i will be waiting for more chapters for this story if you do make more chapters which i hope you do

Pretty decent. :twilightsmile:

Found a small typo.

"Discord told me too wait here for him."

to

This story made me laugh. :pinkiehappy:

"I'm so sorry for writing this story" Never be sorry!!!! More?

6303631 Sorry but that was the only chapter :)

6303856 Your comment made my day:pinkiehappy:

DonĀ“t be sorry. Ever.

It is silly and made me smile and I am sure it will make many more smile, even if just for the last sentence.

6304884 Thank you so very much :)

...it jumped on her face, scratching her to blood.

Phrasing's a bit iffy here.

"Oops! I guess I but the confetti in the oven..."

*put

Proofreading is important! :twilightsmile:

Then she happily trotted away to go looking for rope.

Many errors. Could use a proofread. Characterization is sketchy. Ending is weak.

It was decent, a bit of work around the story such as adding more lines of detail, going over what you have and reading it out loud to yourself can really help bring out the comedy. It's certainly an interesting idea, but the whole awkward silence joke did drag on a little too long. for comedy mixing with Fluttershy and Chrysalis I would have certainly pictured more events where Chrysalis wanted to observe some of the animals that Fluttershy takes care of and then getting everything backfire with each new animal, only hurting Chrysalis in the process.

Any chance I, we could get an alternative ending? :pinkiecrazy:

Poor Twilight is going to have an aneurysm.:twilightoops:

Well....I can safely say that I have NO IDEA what I just read....but it was good.

6492810 Uhhhh thanks I guess.

6493129

Well, for the most part, the story was all over the place, and it was hard to tell who exactly was speaking at times. I do really like the premise, though, as it seems fairly interesting, having Chrysalis show up at Fluttershy's at Discord's recommendation, and how both she and Fluttershy react (at exactly the same time, and in the exact same way to boot) when Discord does show up.

I think-- I think I was just subjected to a literary drug trip.

6499598 Damm right you were :pinkiecrazy:

ha so...we shoud stop her...right

that ending defiantly falls under dark comedy....which is the best type of comedy. the whole thing was amusing in the sheer about of awkwardness of it but that last line just made me laugh. :rainbowlaugh:

7573402 Glad this made you laugh XD

Huh. I never thought Twilight would go that far. I'd just imagiine her smiling, and walking to the nearest home depot for some special supplies..

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!