Grass Pancakes
"WHAT!?" This loud word woke me from my peaceful slumber. "YOU BROUGHT ONE HERE?!" The voice was yelling so loudly, and I was so groggy, that I couldn't make out who it belonged to.
"…well, he sorta just came with me." I recognized this somber voice as Lyra's. I started to roll around.
"ACK! IT'S WAKING UP!" The other voice yelled.
"His name is Michael…" Lyra interjected.
I sat up angrily and looked at the source of my morning irritation, and shouted back at it "Of course I'm awake with you SHOUTING SO MUCH!" I realized I couldn't see much, so I rubbed my eyes and looked again. "Twilight?"
"How did you know my name?" She asked, completely dumbfounded. "How did he know my name?!"
I just blurted out her name didn't I? Um… "Lyra told me?" Speak of the devil, I spotted her near Twilight, in her much more familiar mint green form. She trotted over to me and gave me a big smile and a hug.
"Mornin' sunshine!" She was not the least bit concerned that I might not recognize her in pony form.
"Mornin' Lyra, how'd you sleep?" I asked her.
"Like a human!" Completely not what I meant, but whatever. How does one sleep like a human anyway?
Twilight walked over to us, she did not look happy. "I am NOT going to have you looking like that!"
I looked down at myself briefly, then back up to Twilight. "What's that supposed to mean?" She answered this by shooting me with magic. I was lifted off the ground and then the magic intensified. "OW! WHY DOES IT HURT?!" I shouted. In a matter of moments, she was done and dropped me on the floor. I felt dizzy, but I had a pretty good idea what had just happened. As soon as I opened my eyes, I couldn't help but notice that the world looked different. Like those huge pony eyes had a different lens angle or something. I looked to the most obvious thing first, my forelegs. Yep. Hooves… why was I not surprised?
I put my two front hooves flat on the floor and pulled myself up. I had trouble getting my hind legs to do what they needed to do. But I got myself up eventually. "Gee, it's nice to meet you too, Twilight."
"Sorry about that, I kinda freaked out a bit." She looked away, realizing the full extent of her first impression upon me.
Once the dizziness wore off, I couldn't help but admire my new form. My coat was piss yellow, and my mane and tail were green. "Might as well call me Lemon Lime…" I joked. I put a hoof to my forehead, then looked at my sides, yep. Dirt pony. I checked my ass, and sure enough there was a cutie mark there. Just what I expected too: an airplane. A passenger jet which looked like a 747. I am a travel agent, after all, it made sense. Of course this would be a bit confusing to them.
"What's that?" Lyra asked, pointing a hoof at my cutie mark.
"Wow you spent a week in my world and you don't know what an airplane is?"
"OOOH! So that's what an airplane looks like!"
"What's an airplane?" Asked Twilight.
Sigh.
So after Twilight dragged Lyra and I to Ponyville, we stopped at some kind of restaurant for breakfast. Lyra ordered grass pancakes, and I just said "what she's having," Twilight said she ate already. Surprisingly, grass pancakes were not bad. They tasted fruity, maple syrup went well with them. Don't judge me. My pony mouth liked them anyway.
Twilight couldn't help but ask, "So what do humans eat?"
Lyra answered, "Oh you know, vegetables, fruits… no grass or hay though."
I looked at Lyra and she looked back at me with a 'keep quiet' look on her face. But I just couldn't pass up that opportunity. "We eat meat. Copious amounts of bloody red meat."
Lyra gawked at me, and lightly punched me in the side with a hoof. I just laughed. Twilight was a little surprised, but not shocked as I imagined she would be. "Surprised, Twilight?"
"I suppose it is a little strange for a primate to be a carnivore."
"Not scared of the vicious meat-eater?"
"Why would I be? Griffons eat meat, and my pet owl eats mice."
I just face-hoofed. I didn't even think about that. "Lyra, did you…?" I trailed off, making a vague gesture with my hoof, assuming she knew what I meant.
"…No, I didn't want to. I just told everypony I don't eat meat, and they all just… seemed to understand… why is that?"
"Vegetarianism… some humans choose not to eat it."
Twilight and Lyra both seemed fascinated by this.
"Well, shall we go to the library?" Twilight asked with a quirky smile.
Twilight asked questions about my world for hours. They were all directed at Lyra, since she's the one who ventured there, and I didn't want to steal the spotlight from her. Occasionally I did have to fill in some blanks for Lyra, but there weren't many, she was very keen to study my world while she was there. Eventually the topic of money came up.
"What did you do for money, Lyra?" I asked.
"Oh, well I didn't know how much I would need, so I took a big bag of bits with me. And as soon as I got there, somepo… human saw my bag and asked me what was inside. So I let him see it and he liked it so much, he traded me a big pile of paper monies for all of it! He said it was ten thousand 'bucks'…" Lyra tried to make air-quotes with her hooves when she said 'bucks,' I don't think Twilight understood the gesture.
Twilight looked at me and said, "Bucks? What a silly name for a currency." (As if their naming system for things in this world was any less ridiculous.) "Is ten thousand bucks a lot?"
"Yeah, you could buy…" I trailed off as I wondered what kind of monetary comparison I could possibly make that would make sense to ponies. A nice used car, a first class plane ticket to another continent, yeah, not gonna happen. "Well… it's a lot."
Twilight fired a few more questions at Lyra, and then wrapped up her notes. I was getting hungry again by then, it was probably way past lunch time anyway. "If you're done with the notes Twilight, can we go get something to eat? I'm starving."
"Yeah, me too!" Lyra added.
"Oh no, I'm sorry Michael, but I have to send you back now." Twilight added.
"WHAT?" Lyra and I said in unison, each of us just as shocked as the other.
"Well we can't just have him stay here!" Twilight defended.
"WHY NOT?" We said together again. I added, "She got to stay in my world for a week! I haven't even been here a whole day!"
"I don't know how to say this Lyra… But what we've been doing isn't exactly… allowed. Nopony can find out. They'll probably banish us… or something…" Twilight said.
"But you made him look like us! Nopony will ever know..." Lyra countered.
"Yeah!" I added.
"What if he blows his cover? I can't take that chance. Besides, he doesn't belong here." Twilight wasn't changing her mind.
Both Lyra and myself were simply at a loss for words, stammering to try and suggest a valid reason why I should stay. Before either of us could come up with a reply, I was shot with magic again, but this time it didn't hurt. I just felt like I was drifting out of consciousness. Feeling half asleep, I finally came up with something to say, "I didn't get to meet the others…" I didn't say it very loud, they probably didn't hear it.
Right before I completely blacked out, I heard Lyra yelling, "NOOO!"
Laughing. I heard laughing. As I gained consciousness, I could tell it wasn't ordinary laughing… It was a laugh track for some shitty sitcom.
I sat up, and sure enough, the first thing I saw was the TV. Bad actors spouting cheesy one-liners, with an even cheesier laugh track added to make the writers feel like their jokes weren't as bad as they actually were.
Seinfeld.
I hate sitcoms. I was confused for a minute. Something happened. Something I couldn't remember. Must've been a dream.
I got my lazy ass off the bed, and went to the bathroom to take a leak. Apparently I fell asleep in my shirt and boxers. I finished my business and washed my hands. I looked at my tired self in the mirror. I put on a big fake smile just to see how bad I looked, being disheveled, tired, and unshaven. I didn't really like what I saw, and I had something stuck in my teeth. Figures. I wondered how long I had walked around with that stuck there. I got closer to the mirror and examined further. I picked it out and looked at the offending piece of food on my fingernail. It looked like spinach… or…
Suddenly I remembered some of the dream I had. It was still hazy, but there were ponies. And I was…
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Who the hell would knock on my hotel room door at this time of night? I tiptoed out of the bathroom and looked through the peephole in the door. There was a girl standing there… a blonde in a slinky black dress…
That was one hell of a night.
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There it's all 1st person now, second chapter up, sorry guys but I'm ending this fic. At least I gave it a decent send-off, imo.
Too bad. The 2nd person wasn't that bad. Oh well, probably couldn't convince you even if I tried.
Good luck with your other pieces.
639963
2nd person is ALWAYS bad. We're trying to get our writers to improve here, not pick up bad habits
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Doing better Red. I know you ended it for good reason and didn't know if you planned that from the beginning. I'd like to see you revisit this in a similar vein (Lyra goes to earth, drags someone back with her). It's a less done take on the HiE genre. Make sure to take more time in doing things (again I'm not sure if that's just because you wanted to end it) because the beginning of it felt rushed. Also make sure to weigh the pros and cons of having the protagonist become a pony, there's a lot of uncovered territory in keeping the protagonist human at least for a while. Ponification is usually done without a lot of good reason and without considering the moral/philosophical issues of taking away a person's species.
I like having the character being a bit older as well, too many college student bronies in the HiE category for my taste. While I can enjoy a margarita that man needs to get better taste in your first drink though. I mean if the lightweight pony is doing a martini then he needs to take a good look at his drinking priorities
.
Overall I like you as an author, I'll be following (hounding?) you
640969 Ok, well first, being new to fanfictions, I was unaware that there was such a negative connotation to 2nd person. Lesson learned: readers don't like it. Second, I had a lot more planned for this, at least 3 more chapters, but after the thumb downs and the negative comments, I decided to just end this one. I wasn't particularly attached to this story anyway, it was more a writing experiment. The results were useful. I would have had the protagonist stay human for a while, if not the whole story, and would have explored that whole issue a lot more. The drinking thing was actually supposed to be a joke in itself, you kinda picked up on that. And you are indeed correct, too many kiddies putting themselves in HiE stories. Look forward to my upcoming stuff...
640893 I'll take that as a compliment
641676
641684
You should take it as a compliment. HiE is my favorite genre and so people who try and improve and those who produce incredible works are always on my 'radar' so to speak.
Indeed on the drinking, I was making a joke too
I'm watching you now and looking forward to what you do next. I hope you don't give up on the HiE genre as a whole though, I would really like to see you explore it more
641695 Oh no, I haven't given up on HiE. But my next few things in the works are not... entirely... HiE. I'll let you think about what that means
642132 Don't let the hate discourage you. Nobody is born perfect in anything. Plus, sometimes people just don't like certain things. You can't please everybody. Do what you want and keep writing and I know you'll be happy.
654693 Being creative wouldn't be as much fun without a little emotional turmoil.
1319264
A little late, but thanks. I forgot that I posted here.
I'm sorry to see this end, although I get the anti-second person perspective thing. It takes some getting used to. And is there nothing Twilight won't steal? The sun, people's waifus; where does it stop Twilight?
4080870 I'm sorry I wrote this crap! lol I'm surprised you even read it, let alone fav'd it. Thank you?
I take that back, I'm glad I had one fic where everyone made it painfully obvious what I did wrong. Lessons learned: Second person is bad, mmkay? and no sex in the first chapter (unless it's a clopfic).
btw, what did Twilight steal? I can't remember.
4080895 First and foremost I am a giant whore for AiE/HiE, so much so that I followed a couple of writers here from /mlp/. If you're at all familiar with the chans you know that although the writers there are often relatively dedicated, the quality standards can be, um... well it's free. So as long as whatever fic I'm reading has an interesting premise, I can and do forgive a lot of literary sins that, did they occur in something I paid money for, would have me going all Liam Neeson on some poor author.
That having been said, I did enjoy this both as a fan work and a legitimate work of fiction. I thought it was an interesting and honest take on the brony goes to equestria trope, and the narrator/protagonist's voice was refreshingly mature, especially for this site (seriously, the next time I have to sit through some lonely high school kid's wish fulfilment masturbatory fantasy... Liam. Fucking. Neeson. I shit you not).
The sex in the first chapter thing... I dunno. When I was in the service, a lot of my best personal adventures started that way. Meet a girl miles from anything either of you could call home, have a pretty good, if mildly intoxicated, night, then boom. Life happens. Maybe it is cliche; but then most cliches are eventually true.
As for what Twilight stole, maybe theft is too literal a term. Sure she wrested control of the sun from Celestia (Forbidden Knowledge) and cheat this poor bastard out of a week in Equestria; but 'steal'? Maybe not. It just sounded better than calling her a (n adorably) colossal bitch.
4080994
LOL
I know that feel bro. Perhaps... perhaps this story would be received differently if it were published today. There's a possibility that, at the time, everyone was on a witch hunt against, as you most accurately put it: wish fulfillment masturbatory fantasies.
The funny thing is, that was the farthest thing from my mind when I wrote this. I just thought (perhaps foolishly) that the one night stand thing would be an interesting start for the story. Well... live and learn I guess.
You're not the only person who's praised the mature narration. That one I actually intended to do, because, again, lonely teenagers man...
And that's what you mean by stealing. I gotcha now.
4080994 I also just now realized how badly I wrote this. I corrected 5 grammar and tense mistakes. Personally, 1 fuck up is too many for my writing.
I thought this one was pretty damn awesome. Sorry Red, I totally forgot to comment on this one for some reason. (Probably a few others on here I faved and liked and also forgot to comment on from other writers but eh I'll get to em.)
Anyways, I thought it was pretty well done, myself. I don't even mind 2nd person and I would've liked to see that format, actually. But that's just me.
Lyra's 'gotta have me a human and/or hands' antics always draw me in as they're good for a laugh, though I'm not completely sure what caused the fandom to give her such a fixation. Was it really just the (admittedly hilarious) way she sat on that bench all those episodes ago? I guess things just kinda snowballed from there lol I dunno.
TLDR Ver lol good stuff, liked faved love your stuff looking forward to more stuff byeeeeeeeeee.....
4103856 Well... ok... Hey, I'm glad you liked it anyway!
6201769 lol. I think somebody has been reading far too much lesbian shipping.
4080895
Second person is bad?
I beg to differ.
This guy is one of the best 2nd person authors out there. So, 2nd person isn't bad. It's just hard to get right.
Also, fabulous story
Also, Twilight... you idiot. You could have let him stay for research purposes. To learn about the human world.
7291559 Well I am glad you enjoyed this
drivel. It's a matter of perspective I guess, And since I wrote it... then again you know what they say: there's an ass for every seat. Or something like that.Oh and uh, you have no argument from me, I've read one or two good 2nd person fics. I'm just going by what the masses say. I think... at the end of the day, it's hard for anyone to take a 2nd person fic seriously. It might be enjoyable, but taken seriously? Rarely.
7293852
Don't put yourself down like that.
It's hard to take a second person fic seriously, huh? Yeah, I've seen that a lot, to be honest, but I've also seen a lot of great ones. Try Good Morning by Flutterpriest, for example.
Also, this isn't drivel