Meta

by Argembarger

Chapter

The brony stared at his or her (I choose to make the brony’s gender unknown through the use of “him or her” because I want to subtly implant the idea in the reader’s head that this brony, in fact, is them. Subscribing to a specific gender might ruin the effect, even though 99% of bronies are men and it is in most cases safe to go with “he” and alienate the tiny minority of female readers. I choose not to do that. I respect my readers. (Isn’t it obvious how much I respect my readers?)) computer screen and sighed. (This opening statement establishes a lot of different details at once. This is a human, this is Earth (probably an Earth similar to our own, in the real world) and this human brony is depressed or exasperated by something.) Two of the fimfiction.net featured pieces were meta pieces. Stories with conflict and characters were going out of style, and the brony had to keep up with the times (The brony subscribed to the timeless adage, If you don’t keep up with the times, you ain’t worth a dime). He or she decided to sit down and write a meta commentary on metafics and post it. Clearly, this “meta” concept was a new and easy way to get a lot of attention as an author. (After all, everyone knows the entire point of writing in the first place is to get a large readerbase. Fanfiction is a cutthroat game, and it’s serious business. (Lives have been made and broken around My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon pony fanfiction.)) What we’re doing here is very important and will matter in the long run. (My own brother died over My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon pony fanfiction.) Scientists from the far-flung future will look back at our legacy, and be stunned by the quality of our My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon pony fanfiction. (That’s why I write My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon pony fanfiction--to avenge my brother who died over My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon pony fanfiction. (Repetition is a staple of the comedic arts.))

The brony could be you. He or she could be me. (It’s probably me, but I’ll never admit that. Self-inserts get downvoted all the time, and if “Meta” gets downvoted, it won’t be able to make it to the feature box. As everyone knows, if it don’t make the feature box, it ain’t worth a dime.) It doesn’t matter. This is a third-person limited omniscient story (in past-tense!) that will follow a single character that you’re expected to relate to (or, ideally, put yourself into the shoes of,) and put yourself in the shoes of (or, at least, relate to). It’s the everybrony.

There were lots of things the brony could prod fun at in a metafic. He or she could purposefully incorporate a bunch of different pony fic clichés. (Rainbow Dash loses her ability to fly! Twilight Sparkle messes up a spell! Pinkie Pie is a tormented, broken soul who murders ponies in the basement of Sugarcube Corner! Celestia is immortal and infallible! Nyx or something! Ponies are awesome when they’re gritty and grimdark! Shippin’ ponies is bad and you should feel bad! An OC pony you know nothing about does something you don’t care about in a strange setting for reasons that are never explained! (Self-insert shipping with Twilight Sparkle, who is attracted to Asperger’s!)) As long as he or she claimed that it was done on purpose in the comments and description, it would be considered a metafic instead of a trollfic (even if the fic is written out of bitterness and meant to anger or annoy people. All that matters is that the author apologizes for it, or something.)

(The only differences between metafic and trollfic are how many apologies the author puts in the description and how seriously he or she wants it to be taken. (A lot of authors can’t handle writing true trollfic, even if they really want to. They usually mutter something about artistic integrity in the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon pony fanfiction scene. (Ponies: serious business, (I wish more authors could loosen up and stop taking themselves so seriously all the time) and don’t you ever think otherwise.)))

She or he (Isn’t gender equality wonderful? But yeah, it’s most likely a dude. (If it’s in fact me self-inserting myself, it is most definitely a dude, because I am in fact male (or a girl pretending to be male))) could also take a controversial subject in ponyfic, like [Human], [Crossover], or [Shipping] (or [Meta] (see what I did there? It’s self-referential humor! (please love me))) and deconstruct it mercilessly to appeal to both the fans of the tag who appreciate the humor, and those who hate the genre and think the brony is tearing it apart. The author’s actual intentions don’t really matter. It’s all about reader interpretation.

(If you obfuscate your purpose enough, people are likely to ascribe some noble idea behind the creation of your metafic, or at least, an idea they share or sympathize with. Stay ambiguous. Never own up to a side. It’s the only way you can make everyone happy at once.)

Yes, it was clear to the brony that a fun little metafic was the way to go. He or she opened up OpenOffice Writer (I decided not to use my own word processing software, Microsoft Word 2007, here, because it might break your suspension of disbelief if you don’t use Windows. OpenOffice can be used on almost any platform for free, so it’s much more likely that this everybrony character I’m attempting to write would use it.) and began slapping down some words.

Of course, some My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic characters are going to need to be included in this meta-commentary, or it won’t be considered relevant to the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fandom. (I am taking pains here to say the title in its entirety, because there are purists out there who are fans of the earlier generations of the show and spite Friendship is Magic a bit for hijacking the default meaning of “My Little Pony”. (I only personally sympathize with the plight of G1 fans, because G1 is awesome, but I’d better not mention that in my meta-fic or I might get vote-bombed by haters. (Hopefully I nested it deep enough that anyone who’s dumb enough to blindly hate like that won’t have enough patience to get this far. (And if they do, I won’t care, because downvotes on a metafic can’t hurt my fragile snowflake feelings.)) That would be terrible.) (The actual reason I’m doing it is so that I can boost my wordcount with three extra words wherever My Little Pony would be sufficient, because I don’t actually have anything of any value to say here. All words past probably 500 are pretty much artificial at this point.))

(The easy solution would be to just toss some ponies in as a random non-sequitur, like this: )

Twilight Sparkle stood next to the brony and said, “Wow, you sure are trying hard to get noticed, aren’t you?” (Twilight Sparkle was savvy to what the brony was doing, because A) she’s smart and B) the very brony she was talking to was the one writing her dialogue.)

That’s the way. The brony smiled at the thought of a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic pony in his or her own room, especially Twilight Sparkle. (True facts: many bronies would want to honestly meet a talking cartoon pony in real life, and would probably go through terrifying lengths to make that desire a reality if they could.) She was his or her favorite, and he or she could relate the most to her. He or she, too, was a socially-awkward genius! He or she too was consistently misunderstood by his or her friends of lesser intelligence. It was the perfect match!

“Oh, brony of reader-defined gender,” Twilight Sparkle said to you (I’m making the idea that the brony is actually you explicit now. Did you catch that? I wrote a nice, long buildup, to get you used to the idea, and now I’m dropping the ‘y’ pronoun (“you”), and with that, you’ve fully assumed your role as the character in my story. You’ll love this next part, if you love shipping.), “I love an exaggerated case of high-functioning autism. Come here, handsome/cutie (Choose whichever is most appropriate and ignore the other one for maximum excitement), and let Twilight Sparkle (that’s the horse’s name) give you a kiss. You deserve it.” (If you hate shipping, you should probably skip the next paragraph. Things get… really steamy. Not clop, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you did anyway.)

Twilight Sparkle leaned forward to put her sensitive, mobile horse lips over your own. (I did research for this fic! I looked up horse lips on horses.about.com. Here’s the definition they gave me, for your perusal: “Horses have very sensitive mobile lips. They are able to seek out tufts of desirable grasses from the less desirable. They often explore items by nuzzling with their lips. Slack or floppy lips might mean a sleepy or very mentally disengaged horse.” –source) Twilight’s lips definitely were not slack, nor were they floppy. (That would indicate mental disengagement, and she was too aroused by your mild case of self-diagnosed Asperger’s to be mentally disengaged.) She was seeking out tufts of desirable grass, and by grass I mean your tongue, and she explored your mouth (which can be considered an item) by nuzzling it with her mobile horse lips. You spent the next 40 minutes making out with a little horse.

(It is now safe to read, if you hate shipping, although the following sentence refers to the previous paragraph, so you may want to skip that one as well.) The act of making out with a fictional horse in his or her imagination gave the brony inspiration for a metafic. (Now it is truly safe for haters of shipping to read the story (as you slip your tongue into Twilight Sparkle’s quivering nostril (I just hijacked my own commentary and subverted my own intentions. (I’m a jerk sometimes.)))) He or she would write a metafic about metafic! It was brilliant. No one has ever done that before. (Not even one single time.)

The brony decided to call it “Meta”. It was a simple title, but the brony thought that it conveyed the intention of the metafic well. It was pretty short, though. The brony hoped it would get noticed and clicked on. (Sometimes, the determining factor for whether or not a fic was read is how noticeable it is. The brony (you) was taking a big risk with such a short title. (Perhaps you should make up for the tiny title by making the description stand out? (Oh, here’s an idea: The description should be the train of thought you rode on while thinking of a good description. That’s brilliant! You’re such an excellent author.))) He or she briefly considered calling it “Adventures in Meta-Recursion: A Parenthetical Odyssey for the Clever”, but that would be stupid. (I mean, calling the reader “clever”? You’re just giving the reader way too much credit and respect, now. (I’m joking! I respect my (your) readers. (Ha, no.)) No, “Meta” would do fine.

The brony had another clever idea: he or she would write the fic, and then he or she would go back through and embed a bunch of comments and meta content in parentheses around the entire story (and make the entire thing completely impossible to read (but that’s okay, because it’s meta. Readability is completely unimportant.)). Maybe he or she would make a few passes, and embed parentheses within parentheses (within parentheses (within parentheses (I don’t know why I’m doing this (Let me take some time out from saying anything relevant to let my mind wander (within the realm of the parentheses, those without focus become lost and confused (Especially when they’re embedded really strangely). because each layer follows a different train of thought.) for a little while as I think about the consequences of writing and publishing a fic like this. (Oh wait, I don’t have to think very hard. Nothing bad will happen. (My readerbase has zero expectations of me, and I have zero expectations of them. I throw my stupid bullshit at them, and they read it, and that’s the way it works.) In fact, I’ll probably get some likes or watchers from this.) People will either appreciate this or hate it, and I’ll be amused either way.), but it’s probably for a good reason. (I hope.)) until you want to break my neck.) until it all gets really stupid.). It would make the fic wacky and difficult to read, but it would also make it insanely meta. (Do you see what I did there?)

Yes, all of these were excellent ideas. “Meta” would get featured for sure.

The brony wrote and submitted the fic to fimfiction.net (the premiere home of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon pony fanfiction on the Internet.)

It can be found here: Meta

Comments

[Steel Resolve]

YES!

[Magnum-opuS]

Has anyone tried writing an entire story in the description box.

[Argembarger]

615995

Probably not. And even if they have, we could always use another one. Go for it, I say.

[nemryn]

You forgot to close a parenthesis in the first paragraph.

[Argembarger]

616005

There's probably a lot of that in a lot of places. Nevertheless, fixed. Thanks.

[Magnum-opuS]

615999 I'd have to get it past moderation first. sounds like it'd be fun.

[Argembarger]

616023

Good luck and godspeed

[Whalesbefreeyo]

This is WEEEEEEEEEIRD.

I like it

[Steel Resolve]

"My readerbase has zero expectations of me" Quite the contrary, I expect a slow, sensual mindfuck. You have delivered. You spent 2500 words plus I suspect another 500 in the story description, basically saying nothing.
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw299_1298776425927.jpg

[An Unimpressive]

Delicious. You've done it again.

[kits]

616023
nono.
You need to get a story past moderation. Then you can edit it before it gets posted.

[kits]

616017
(
WHAT NOW?

[Magnum-opuS]

616186 That's what I meant.

[Cloudy Skies]

I love OpenOffice.

[Teh Boi]

You totally Pinkie Pie´d on the description.
Edit: After erading I can safely say: Shit was so cash.

[iloveportalz0r]

100 hours in MS paint, you say? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png

>OpenOffice Writer
Why not LibreOffice?

[Captain]

I enjoyed that(the word, that, is referring to your story, "Meta") thoroughly.

[Streamline]

My hovercraft is full of eels.

[Applejinx]

Dammit, ponyfiction!

Downthumbed, and not ashamed to admit it. Because DAMMIT, ponyfiction!

Beggin' ya- PLEEEEASE stop doin' this. Who do we have to blow to get y'all to stop doin' this?

In before featured.

[Troll]

You, sir, are an inspiration for an endless chain of parodies.

[DeiStar]

616675
Just look at the featured box, two meta fics and I'm not sure about the third one.

[Applejinx]

616676
Dude, it ALREADY IS an endless chain of parodies...

ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133305076377.png

wait, them's parentheses...

[XiF]

616676
I assume you haven't read any of this sir's other brilliant fics.

Go. Now.

[Troll]

616804 I have

[XiF]

616919
Well reread them, fool.
*is making excuses for stupid statement*

[Delicious]

MY EYES ARE ON FIRE... From the brilliance of this fic!

[Conchshellthegeek7]

SO MANY GODDAMN PARENTHESES

[StayOuttaMyShed]

A parody of meta fics? Well fk I was working on the same kind of thing.But considering who this author is,I highly doubt that mine would have been better. Bravo good sir

[rasta-gringo]

I am not going to vote on this.

It's clever, insightful, a little bit funny. It's art.

But...

I did not like it. It did not make me feel anything. If this hits the featured box i might feel a bit disappointed.

[Argembarger]

617694

This is one of the best comments I think I've ever gotten. Legitimately.

[Steel Resolve]

617694 Makes sense, nothing of substance was created here. This fic is so self referential it literally links back to itself at the end. What we see here may well be the anti-story equation. If this does get featured I think it may kill meta-fics out of sheer defense of everyone else's sanity. I would be okay with that.

[kits]

618070
One can only hope it does then.

[Steel Resolve]

618087 Same, this trend needs to stop. I miss stories.

[Nordlichter]

imgs.xkcd.com/comics/(.png

[Letedwend]

So I noticed three layers of self-reference. Meta-meta-meta-fiction. Did I miss any?

There were so many parenthetical comments that the entire thing became impossible to follow. But hell, I thumbed up Firstval of Fernship, so who am I kidding?

[rasta-gringo]

617767

Best reply I've ever recieved. Positively

[neutralmilk]

I find the whole Twilight ship part.... Highly clopable

[UseFistNotMouth]

My tongue IS tufts of grass! It's all true!!

[John_Wheel]

I'm tempted to open the damn thing with vim to see if it gets autodetected as LISP.

[cxzyzx]

I'm gonna give you a thumbs up because I read the whole thing with fascination, even if I came out of it with nothing.

I loved the description of horse lips.

[LifeWulf]

617019 IKR
616412 Finally, someone else who doesn't use popular software! (Oh, wait...)
650893 Yay! I actually know what that is for a change! (Screw you GRUB...)
618165 F you.

Muahahahaha! Enjoy my unintentional trolling via use of the Reply button!
Now you'll never find which posts I was replying to!
*looks over at him, raises eyebrows, and clicks the numbers*
Well, buck.

[iloveportalz0r]

738700 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png

[karizake]

"Is what you commented in the comment box the comment-er commented as he or she (most likely a he (I think)) " is what you the comment-er have commented in the comment box.

[PresentPerfect]

I hope that Barack Obama gets elected to a second term so that we can get married.

Because I freaking love you, man. Where have you been? D:

[particle_pony]

You missed a close paren.

[Fluttersyke]

Wow, I love your fic. In fact I wrote a really in-depth review of it. You can find it here.

[NeccAnon]

Who are you?

[Super Trampoline]

When I try to write like this Meeester just gets annoyed.

[tgrtyhythrth]

mind blown

[Alitaher003]

Comment.