• Member Since 9th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen Mar 11th, 2017

Chazonic


Knowledge means nothing unless you have the creativity to apply it.

Comments ( 27 )

I like this story so far. I hope you will continue it. For now I am tracking it with high hopes.

Much luck on the amazing, but tiresome road ahead of you, that creating a story is!

i want to show both sides so that way they can find out who really killed his sister

i wonder who killed his sister ya know :trixieshiftleft:

I wonder what his next move will be. Keep it up!

I have send a mail with a bit of extra writing advice to improve the story a bit. Anyways I am happy you picked my song.

so much bullshit happened in this chapter :ajsleepy:

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Is... that a good thing or a bad thing? :rainbowhuh:

6132172 its fine for 1 or 2 chapters but too much a ruin a story

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If that isn't your thing then I apologize. However I intended this story to be a fairly fast-moving one. I might throw a few slower or filler chapters in for more background or for more exposition.

At the same time, wouldn't you want things to get moving as fast as possible in order to have your revenge?

6134584 I believe he's referring more so to the fact that Metal Face did some very very stupid things and quite a lot of them too.

Toying with his prey even though he has no reason to gloat to them, because he barely knows them at all. It is kind of believeble if he decided to do so with the Princesses, but even so.... not so much. You don't sit a thousand years in stone planning your revenge to do something this stupid.

Also it's kind of unbelievable that Rarity reminds him of his sister. Rarity speaks with a British accent and the British accent like we know it today was created after Canada became independent.

Fun fact the American accent was the British way of speaking, but after it's independence the British changed their accent (not because of the Americans, but because some lower class people in Britain got money or something like that). I have never been in Canada, but I doubt Canadians followed the British with their accent.

With that said how can somebody physically connect a horse to his sister, they're pretty different normally seen. Above that he has heard Rarity's voice before back over with the wedding and had no problems with it then.

Even so it would have been a small effort to A). Take her with him (not to your secret base, that's plain stupid, but dump her in the middle of nowhere. Leave her in the Everfree to die, etc or B). Go after another bearer, as they're all easy pickings at the moment.

Something else I didn't like is how Metal Face didn't kill anybody. Let us be honest Metal Face wants blood as he showed prior with the ponies of Appleloosa yet after he had promised to the Forest. The forest 'supporting' him in his actions he doesn't kill a single pony even though he has the intentions of burning Equestria to the ground. This doesn't really add up, why not simply start with a shoot out or a bombing run or even kill Trixie considering how disrespectful she was to him.

It doesn't add up to his character.

Sorry, but I and quite a bit of other readers have a very low tolerance for this kind of incompetence coming from characters. Especially if said characters had more then enough time to plan their moves. With that said I do need to give him kudos for finding the weak spot of that OP Rainbow beam after it's activation. I haven't read a story yet with the character taking down the bearers after they went into 'rainbow mode'.

You have also added a bit more details than normally, so that's also an improvement already. Keep working on details though.

Probably not the princess's!

The changelings got on the ride too and there are plans to steal Crystal heart energy. I can appreciate his current schemes.

CURRENT OBJECTIVES:
-Get the Changelings a food source and properly incorporate them into the armed forces or into the nation...? Whatever they have going for themselves right now.
-Set up the new "Crystal empire pipeline".
-Continue to progress plans for revenge.

Did I get all of them?

Good chapter! You have made a good amount of progress in your overall story quality since you started with this story.

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I'm glad this one turned out far better than the last 7 I posted.

Also, yes you've nailed all three, in the proper order of things too.

Ah love a force most powerful, but at the same time very easy to break and the first cracks are appearing on his love for his sister.

I wonder how the operation in the Crystal empire will go.

Keep it up.

Well, he has the best spies in existence as allies, he has a nearly self producing army, and he has been forced to be patient. Time to begin gathering up the magic he needs, and concentrating it all into a solid form, then turn that into mechons and programming them to produce more of the same. Once he has the necessary materials he will be able to assure his allies survival, and even their loyalty. Hell, just send out changelings with false documents and have them become pop stars. The resulting love/jealousy/adoration should be enough for them to shove out a bunch of "agent/manager" and "star" duos to slowly interconnect themselves into the entertainment industry, then into the nobility and amongst the more normal ponies due to carefully planned and arranged marriages, the resulting surplus of love could then be put towards more changelings/improved lives of changelings, while the money could go to keeping the appearance alive, and any subsequent "foals" could simply be young changelings taught how to shape shift before being given to the actually relevant marriage. Yes, I do like changelings, yes I have planned this stuff out, no I am not sorry for the wall of text.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything!"

Just so you know, that's not part of the actual quote.

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I noticed that a while back, but I figured I would leave it; Kinda hard to remember the exact quote when you've been stuck in stone for 1000 years.

I want to... NO I need to have more chapters for this story. Please:fluttershysad:

"I'm no hero. Never was, never will be. [...]"

Mhm, nice one. Next you're going to tell me he's going to rename his mechs "Metal Gear"?

Well. I have come to say a few words. I like this story. But there comes a time when you need an update for you fan fiction. I’m afraid this story will not do. R.I.P.

It’s not in-character for Metal Face to gloat like that, but I actually like THIS Displaced. I’m also surprised that tokens haven’t been mentioned at some point.

damn no confrontation or giving information to the elements other than revenge to make them distrust celestia and luna

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