The Nightmare Crumples

by Eruantalon

Where is she?

At the first sight of the Castle of the Two Sisters, Princess Celestia almost broke down.

She had seen the Castle built. She had laid the first cornerstone herself; had hewed it out of rock with her Earth-Pony strength; had soared up to its topmost turrets morning upon morning to awaken the dawn. But even more so, she'd felt her sister there beside her. And now - now, when everyone expected her to be at the celebration to raise the sun - she was here, instead, to meet Luna.

But not as sisters should meet.

It would be battle.

Not a real battle. Even had Celestia been able to lift her hooves or lower her horn against her sister, now, after a thousand years, it would have availed naught but to cast all Equestria into ruin! Rather, she was here to distract Luna, to make her think she'd already conquered, to lure her into playing games which would awaken friendship in the Bearers she had carefully-chosen and lead them to the Elements. It was Harmony which would set everything right, as always, and she - Celestia -

She couldn't bear it anymore.

A peal of magic rang out across the cosmos like a trumpet-blast! The stars were falling to the Moon, pulled in after a thousand years of spiraling guard!

And an answering blast came from the Moon, like an arrow shot straight down to Equestria. Celestia raised her head to the heavens, knowing it would strike here, where the Elements had cast Luna into her prison. She could see the dark masses gathering in the courtyard in front of her, the whisps of smoke and magic gathering into Luna's blue mane (oh, how long it had been since she saw it last!), her jet-black hide of full Nightmare -

- And then Luna crumpled to the ground.

Celestia ran to her. Decoy or not (as her tactical sense reminded her, irritatingly), she couldn't help it.

But Luna didn't rise. She struggled to lift her head as Celestia galloped up, fixed her Nightmare-red eyes on her sister for a moment - and then fell to the ground, unconscious.

****

"And now, it is my great honor to introduce to you the ruler of our land, the very pony who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day, the good, the wise, the bringer of harmony to all of Equestria..."

But the stage was empty.

"This *can't* be good," groaned Twilight Sparkle, pawing the floor, waiting for the disaster her books had prophesied.

"Remain calm, everypony -" the mayor started.

But the white unicorn's neigh overwhelmed him. "She's GONE!" The crowd gasped; the blue pegasus reared into the air. (Twilight hadn't bothered to remember her name either.) Twilight readied a teleport spell in case it turned into a stampede. Was this how Nightmare Moon was going to strike - turn the crowd into chaos without even showing up herself?

Just as it was teetering on the edge of disaster, a Royal Guard galloped onto the stage. "Ponies! Everything is fine!"

The crowd hesitated at the well-known authoritative voice. Even Twilight felt something - a small part of her, but still something - relax at some sight she'd seen before in Canterlot.

"No, it's *not* fine," she whispered. "Princess Celestia is Harmony-knows-where! Nightmare Moon is about to come -"

Spike sighed but didn't say anything.

"Come where?" demanded the pink party pony, suddenly in Twilight's face. (What was her name? Pink Balloons?) "Come here to Equestria? Oh - oh! If she can come here, then I can give her a party and she won't be such -"

Twilight facehoofed. The worst villain in a thousand years was about to attack them all, and this insane pony wanted to give her a party?

Fortunately, the Royal Guard chose that moment to continue. "Everything is fine; the princess has been called away to Canterlot by urgent business, but she will raise the sun in -"

The sun soared over the horizon, as if Celestia was making up for lost time. Everyone cheered. Even the pink pony was looking even happier, as if that were possible.

"- right now. And Princess Celestia wishes for us to continue the celebrations - let the music begin!"

Somepony Twilight hadn't met struck up an incomprehensible aural assault. For some reason, the ponies around her all seemed to enjoy it. She shook her head and started walking to the door.

"What's going on?" Spike asked. "Isn't this a good time to make some friends, like Celestia told you to do? Look - Rarity's over there at the punch!"

Twilight glanced over and saw the same white unicorn who had started the near-stampede, and who had insisted on doing up her mane yesterday. "No, Spike!"

"But she told you -"

"This's a crisis! Nightmare Moon's returned; Princess Celestia must be in Canterlot fighting her! I need to get to the Princess!"

Spike sighed as Twilight burst out the door and broke into a gallop.

***

Princess Celestia's mane was dimming.

She didn't care.

There wasn't anyone to put on a show for, now.

There was just her, and her sister.

Luna. Still black as the nightmare, but weaker than a newborn filly. She was lying in Celestia's own bed now, horn constantly flaring as if trying to gather magic to do something. Celestia's sudden relief - there would be no need for war - had only turned to sorrow of a different sort.

She lifted up a strand of her mane to wipe away more tears. It was starting to look pink now, for the first time in centuries. Luna was probably the only other pony alive who had seen it pink before.

"How can I heal you now, sister?" she said aloud. "What did the Nightmare do to you?"

Luna's horn glistened again, as if she was trying to conjure up something in answer.

"What did I do to you?"

If only she had noticed earlier, before Harmony had been forced to choose between Luna and all Equestria. If only she had noticed many things earlier.

"I did try to go to the moon myself, once. Nine hundred years ago. It was cold. Bitter."

She had felt how bitter the moon was, with the Nightmare sprawled all across it. Food was absent. Air was absent. In its place - always floating just at the edge of her senses - were shadows far worse than any cast by sun or stars. She had teleported back before a day had passed, but it had still taken a full week to recover.

But Luna had survived a thousand years. Somehow. She wished again there had been some other way, something else she could have done... but she'd been wishing that a thousand years, and found nothing.

"The Elements of Harmony," she whispered. "The Elements of Harmony... They were supposed to heal you, dear sister. Of the Nightmare, and of the moon. But my Bearers aren't ready yet!"

There was a knock on the door. Celestia whirled her head. Only a very few ponies would dare disturb her now. After a moment's thought, she teleported through the door without opening it.

A surprised castle steward bowed. "Your Serene Highness - Twilight Sparkle requests to see you. At once." Pause. "She says she's drawn up war plans for your review - is there...?"

"No. No war, Bonnie Meadows, no war." Twilight was here, at least, as enthusiastically overprepared as usual. She'd figured out so much, but not quite enough... "Does she have anyone else with her?"

"No, just Spike. No other ponies."

Celestia teleported back through the door immediately, before Bonnie could see her collapse. She fell down next to the bed, weeping as she hadn't wept in a thousand years, muzzle and pink mane spread all over her sister's form. For Twilight, who had galloped off from friendship without even knowing what she'd missed. For Equestria, without Harmony to lead it. But most of all, for Luna - without the Elements, how could she now be healed?

Author's Note:

Not my first fanfiction, but my first MLP story.

Inspired by this prompt on /r/MLPWritingPrompts. A shorter version of this story was posted there.

Cover art by FloppyChiptunes on DeviantArt; used with permission.

Comments

[terrycloth]

Clearly, Celestia needs to disguise herself as Nightmare Moon and trick Twilight into making friends and blasting her, then hold up Luna at the last second to intercept the rainbow.

[sakuralovelight]

Is there going to be a sequel to this

[Eruantalon]

5958623
I don't have any plans for what happens next, and neither does Celestia, unfortunately... If she was desperate enough to try to get Twilight Sparkle to make friends, the Element of Magic (at least) must have really stringent requirements for its bearers. So until Twilight is somehow convinced to make friends, everything is blocked. And as ingenious as 5955858 's plan sounds , somehow I don't think the Elements would approve of it.

Hmm... Shining Armor as Loyalty, with Cadance as Generosity and Kindness? Or send Twilight on a mission to recruit soldiers for the supposedly-coming war, and hope she makes friends there?

[DragonMaus]

Wow. This… just wow.

This is quite poignant.

I can't help but cry out for more, but it doesn't really need more.

[Ultra-the-HedgeToaster]

Yes!

Thank you for taking up my prompt, 't was a good read.

Apologies for the late response, I'd wanted to say a bit more than a simple “omg, thx lol”, but ended up taking... a little longer than expected.

You may have set out to write an alternate take on the prompt, but I don't see any contradictions to the original idea.

Hmm. You don't know how to continue the story?

Well, reading “The Nightmare Crumbles” made me want to give it a shot myself, so I wrote a few bits and pieces for a rough draft:

“The Nightmare Crumples '2': (Not) Without a Fight”

No definite plans to write a full story, but if I ever do, maybe we can collab / brainstorm on it?

Or, alternatively, if this gives you ideas on how to continue here, go ahead! Feel free to contact me for brainstorming ideas.

... Oh by the way, I had originally submitted the prompt to both the "MLP writing prompts"-reddit group AND to fimfiction's The Idea Exchange. So, feel free to submit your story to the "The Idea Exchange" group. ^_^;

[Eruantalon]

6032123 Wow, good continuation, though there're a few things that'd need to be fleshed out more... I don't have much time at the moment, but I'll think things over and hopefully say more later!

[Smiling Armor]

Negative comment here.
The Author's Note ruins the whole mood of the fanfic. I'd suggest writing this in the description. Seriously. It damaged the mood severely.

[FaceDeer]

Ooh, that's a fantastic start! You've got me hooked, now... argh. "Completed."

Now, I really super duper dislike commentors who respond to stories with nothing but "Moar!", so don't take this as such. What we have here is IMO a really fantastic premise, and well presented, but there isn't really a story here yet. So I can't really accept the "Completed" tag as accurate. I'll flag it as "followed' and hope that someday I see an update anyway. :)

I might also mention that this story reminded me a bit of The Return of Princess Nightmare Moon, for those interested in similar ideas. It's not the same premise, mind you, just something that felt echoey.

[Eruantalon]

6659865 It seems week to just say "Thanks," but I don't know anyway else to put it.

Yes, there's lots of potential here for an AU. On a larger scale, without the Elements finding new bearers, would Discord go free? Would the Crystal Empire return? Would Tirek escape? But the story would probably focus on the more personal and philosophical level: Celestia trying to maneuver Twilight into accepting friendship and harmony. And, secondarily, I dropped some hints that the Elements have a magical connection to all Equestria, and their having bearers will lead to the six virtues of harmony being more fully practiced... and Celestia thinks that's urgently needed.

But, I don't have any good ideas for where to go down this track. Celestia would need a really good excuse to get Twilight to return to Ponyville. Maybe Twilight will run into Moondancer again, before she totally walls herself off? Or maybe Celestia will lean on Cadance to invite her on some expedition? Or... maybe none of this will work before Nightmare Moon regains her strength, and Celestia will need to fight her again?

I've got several other story ideas that need more time, including a couple more AU's that could be expanded (if I ever finish the one-shots). But thanks for the good words. And if I ever do continue, I'll be sure to at least tag this story in a blog post.

(By the way, check whether you actually followed the story - I didn't get any notification about it?)

[FaceDeer]

6660397 Heh. To paraphrase your response:

<A paragraph full of good ideas>

But I don't have any good ideas.

Sounds like you've got tons. Perhaps that's the problem, you don't know which one to narrow it down to because some of them are mutually exclusive?

If you want another, here's one that I don't recall seeing used anywhere before: Celestia could approach Twilight and say "Twilight, I'm going to level with you. I knew Nightmare Moon was returning and I wanted you to use the Elements of Harmony to cure her, but my plan to arrange that subtly just fell apart in a way I never expected. To use them you need to make friends with the following five ponies..." And then we can see how Twilight manages when everything's out in the open. I'm sure it'd be hilariously awkward, but Twilight's a good pony and I bet she'd ultimately come through.

Just a thing that popped to mind. As I mentioned it looks like you've already got plenty, so pick whatever suits your fancy whenever the mood strikes you. I'm not demanding "Moar!". Just quietly hoping for moar. :)

I marked the story as "tracked", perhaps that doesn't give a notification like "favouriting" does? I haven't been using "favourites" much since "tracking" became available.

[Eruantalon]

6660520 Okay, I have ideas. I guess the thing is I don't have inspiration to build them up and develop them into a story.

And your idea about Celestia explaining everything to Twilight is also good! I've seen it used exactly one place before, with a very AU Twilight who's acting as Celestia's prime minister. It might be interesting to do it with a canon Twilight, though... maybe Celestia explains everything as a last resort after all else has failed and time is running out?

[Ultra-the-HedgeToaster]

6032493
Hey, uh, about that sequel I wrote a draft for 2.5 years ago... The story hasn't really gotten much more fleshed out then it was back then, and I figure I may as well post what I have and see how people react to the "experimental writing style".

Just three things missing:

• One extra paragraph in one scene, and I already have an idea what I want to put there.
• A cover image, and I already know what I want to use.
• A good title. That one has me completely stumped. You see, whenever I try coming up with a good, catchy, descriptive title, I can't help but think of "The Nightmare Crumples"..... which is already taken, of course.

I just can't help it. You've literally come up with the perfect title for the concept, and now I just can't think of anything to match. And I have tried to for 2.5 years.

Uh.... do you have any ideas for a good title for my "semi-sequel-but-can-also-be-read-as-a-standalone" to your story?

[Ultra-the-HedgeToaster]

5958623 5971599 6339591 6659865
To all those who demanded "moar", I have (finally) published a short story following the same basic premise, but with a slightly different focus.

EA Fragile Nightmare

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Sad

“On the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape.” Celestia was prepared to face Nightmare Moon in battle. What she wasn't prepared for was to face her in a hospital bed.

• Alt. Universe
• Twilight
• Celestia
• Nightmare Moon

Ultra-the-HedgeToaster · 3.7k words  ·  904  13 · 15k views

[dragonus85]

this was an intregueing idea

[bloodwolf432]

This is a story right here. Or at the very least the start of one: An Equestria without Harmony. How would everything change without the Mane Six ever forming? How would Discord be stopped? Or the Tree of Harmony be fixed? Also, anyone else find it weird that the only time the Elements were used besides to stop Nightmare was for Discord? The only other time they get to be used is for fixing the Tree and that's it. Weird to have such important items be not so important.

[Eruantalon]

8774426 Glad to see you expanded those scenes a bit and published them! And thanks for the link back!

8776313 Yes, that's a very interesting idea. Doylistically, I'm sorry the writers didn't use them more, but even then I think it's pretty clearly implied the Rainbow Power was because they were previously the Element-Bearers. Watsonianly, my headcanon is that the Elements are very important to quietly build up Equestria by background magic... but unfortunately, I've never really had a chance to show that in any story. This 'verse would be a great contrast, but I never really had clear ideas for a sequel; I was planning to touch on that in my Moon Has a Harsh Mistress, but that's bogged down partway through.

[Ultra-the-HedgeToaster]

8777169
Heh! This story is currently in the top 50 "currently popular" stories.

[Eruantalon]

8783815 I noticed - and it was in the "Popular Stories" list on the homepage a couple days ago, too. And your story was at the top of the feature box!

[Ultra-the-HedgeToaster]

8784386
Yeah, imagine my surprise.

I did not see that coming. At all.

To me, this was this silly little one-shot draft that I wrote nearly 3 years ago and that, despite my repeated efforts, just couldn't flesh out into a larger story. So, eventually I got around to polish it up, and hit publish. There were a few comments. It was nice.

When three hours later, just as I was going to bed, the story appeared at the bottom of the featured box for 20 minutes and then got pushed back out, I was happy.

...So, I come home from work the next day, am not even checking on the story, just want to see if there are any chapter updates, and...

YOU HAVE 243 NOTIFICATIONS.

...what?

YOU HAVE 248 NOTIFICATIONS.

wha.... ? What did I do??? Did some really famous author post about the story in their blog or something? Is there, like, a controversial flame war going on in the comments section of my story for some reason??

YOU HAVE 253 NOTIFICATIONS.

Is the story in the popular section? This never happened when my other stories hit the popular section...

Okay, let's see. Frontpage. Popular stories box? Nope. Featured box? Hmm, not in the 5th place, not in 4th pla....

[fanreader999999]

Hm

[cogwheelbrain]

But most of all, for Luna - without the Elements, how could she now be healed?

Damnit, now I have to use my imagination to figure out what happens next! Sigh.

good story.

[kitsune_shadow]

Continue ?

[vazak]

That hit hard!