- Member Since 30th May, 2013
- offline last seen May 21st, 2023
Cyanjames2819
Um... hi. I like reading, writing and drawing. Sorry, I don't take commissions/requests anymore, I don't trust myself in finishing them. Have a nice day/night, everyone.
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This seems like an interesting story. I'll wait for your return to see more of this story as well as Lovely Rarity.
We will wait dude, we will wait
Great new story, nice plot (both ways), good character development, there's only one problemstatic.tumblr.com/c40f4a71a294d3ea81a6e419c5c256fa/yut6ti2/xqjn792nh/tumblr_static_7ws0qo7f1z8k8gscw0w8kwwk8.jpg
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FUUUUUUUUUU
6166259 Oh Fff! So sorry about that, thanks for pointing that out, bud.
"nude presents"
teehee
...
You're in Equestria, Doc. Honestly though? I'm more concerned about how O'Malley would take it.
6170401 I'll incorporate reference with this pic, so expect many more.
Food-Nipple! ...
... You didn't read that part... 
Nice story. Well written like Lovely Rarity. Which is the only other story of yours I've read. Can't wait for the next chapter. Also, BY GOD! If you want to update something update Lovely Rarity. Poor story been stuck on the same cliffhanger since October.
Why no update? ?????????
6178200
School, he is adjusting to the campus and all that deal
Oh.
6180528 Yeah, I don't really have much time for myself for now. My group have a lot of work for the mornings to learn construction, and learn how to speak some Spanish in the evenings. The afternoons are open, but I do have things to do that needs my time; like buying myself a new laptop, visiting people, going out with the group for some activities and etc... I have a rough draft version of the next chapter, though, so don't worry too much.
Sorry for bothering you then.
6181069 Nah, not a bother at all.
MOREEE
6182029
Pretty sure the last time I checked, mutts was spelled with two ts.
I'm pretty sure that you need a c in hockey. Also ellipsis [...] should be spaced before and after with a period following after.
While I enjoy your stories, it's really getting dull, repetitive and monotonous about reading about a male victim. A he vs. the world scenario. While you can start a story that way, if the character doesn't develop or at least have an epiphany then it begins to get monotonous after awhile. Have him understand or realize that perhaps it isn't the world that has a problem with him, but him having a problem with the world. (Paradigm shift.)
Then there's the whole first contact scenario. Celestia, though she might have immense magical powers, should be treating this human with wariness and caution.
There's also the whole 'instant-communication' thing. We don't even have a unified language on earth, so why would the lifeforms on another planet in another universe/ dimension be speaking the protagonist's native tongue. So yeah, you should consider how they might communicate around a language barrier.
And the instant blushing stuff. I could see it if she was checking out the strange alien's body and wondering how it/ he/ she might reproduce and because of propriety she blushes for shame at such lewd thoughts. Or, if once the protagonist has established a relationship with her, then she blushes from a compliment. But this whole instant xenophiliac attraction, I'd like to see you move away from that as a writer. If the ponies find the weird alien attractive, why? Is it because he's new? Because he has short, but strong tentacles (fingers) and they have some weird tentacle fetish? Is it because of bad previous experiences with their own species? Is it that, despite differences in appearance and mentality, they see him no different (mentally sapient) to that of ponies? (Looking past physical appearances.)
An if romance is involved, what about conflicts? Are there cultural misunderstandings? linguistic phrases which need to be explained because of a lack of cultural familiarity? Are there hate crimes, prejudice and rumor mongering? Are there groups that think that ponies should only be with ponies and others that, while fine with ponies being in relationships with other species, are against a pony relationship with an alien extraterrestrial?
Hopefully my feedback helps you out.
Peace,
AuthorGenesis
6193172 Yes, they do help to a degree, but I should ask of you to not take this story very seriously and just enjoy it. That 'Side Note' is there for a reason after all. Basically, I'm just having fun with this story and nothing more. The cliches are there because I want them to be there. I'm just trying to have fun.
Oh, just a side note, I did make a story that points out the problems between meeting species (Humanity & Ponies (Anthropomorphic)). It was called "Destination", but I took that down for the time being till I finish most of my unfinished stories. I don't know if you know about it, though.
But anyways, thank you very much for the comment, these things help a lot and I do think about them, I'm just not very good at applying them to the story very much.
Without further ado, have a nice day/night, AuthorGenesis.
Sounds interesting, so far. However, you could use the help of a editor.Even if it's not meant to be taken seriously, just have someone run through it once to get the major mistakes.
"I started blushing furiously as her large breasts jiggled and swayed whenever she moved. Thankfully, somehow and if there are any, her nipples and genitalia were concealed with its white fur coat, but just barely."
You switch between "it" and "her" quite a bit throughout.
Dammit I forgot to bug you! Well, whatever, I guess.
Hope you get back too it soon man.
When's the next update?
7561274 It might take a while. I'm a little busy with building up my own business, drawing designs for my shirts and for others, researching, and currently (slowly) working on an original story.
So yeah, it might take a while longer before I start writing fanfics again.
7563032 No problem.