Annoyed at not being able to get a pet from Fluttershy, Discord decides he can make his own cute animal. What he creates not only is cute but seems to come directly from Tartarus. Now Discord and Fluttershy must find a way to get rid of it or it will certainly incite doom across all of Equestrian.
This is a one off from a group of stories me and a friend have came up with. Depending on how well this is received I might add to it.
As always comments and likes(or dislikes) are appreciated.
Chapters (1)
ok then
5954088 Indeed good sir! Ok then indeed!
Fun read. Needs some work on a technical level, but I'll get to that in a second. Good, light-hearted sense of humor; Fluttershy and Discord are both well written, and the pacing of the story itself is pretty good.
This story needs a lil work in terms of writing, however. It's quite awkward in places, rough in others, and the dialogue punctuation isn't good (it's not entirely consistent, which suggests you're not sure, which is no big deal). The pace of the writing needs a little work as well -- not the pace of the story -- words might need to be cut to make it less awkward and give it a smoother feel.
A lot of readers might suggest you get an editor, but some of the errors here in terms of writing you might be better off fixing yourself, as editors can sometimes be detrimental to the "feel" of a story (which isn't to say they always are) when it comes to changing around wording. If this isn't just a draft that you're aware needs work, just Google dialogue punctuation and fixing that should help with the presentation.
This story is a lot of fun and reflects a good amount of creativity and good story telling. It deserves more up-votes than it's getting, more attention, too. I hope you add to it as you mentioned.
If you're interested in an elaboration of anything I've mentioned here, feel free to PM me.
Peace
I just came up with a new headcannon, Discord invented the Platypus...