- Member Since 2nd Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 8th, 2015
dark ganymede
Just starting to write fics, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
dark ganymede
Joined 2nd Feb, 2012 ·
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............
I like the cover art.
580576
Better then liking nothing.
580576
Besides that what did you think?
Huh, certainly an interesting idea, though it seems rather rushed. All of the events just seem sort of glossed over rather than really letting us see these events play out. I would definitely recommend fleshing out these scenes better so we get a clear picture of the characters interactions.
Cover art is intimidating me.
580843
Would you suggest I edit those two chapters then, or should I fix this issue in later chapters? ie, every chapter after this one?580889
Really? It looks delicious.
581087
*Suppresses nightmares of princess molestia*
581126
That's not a nightmare, that's a dream come true.
This made me lawl
581381
That's good I suppose. If I don't fix the "rushed" feeling then it's going to end up just like another story I did.
581578
Not sure if good comment or bad comment. Also now I can't use that idea. Damn. Honestly I never thought of that.
581585 You can use it, I don't really care, since I've never wrote a story myself.
I just comment. Because I have no idea what to write about - too many ideas!
581605
Meh, ok.
581605
I deleted your comment because I'm using the idea as a twist.
581657 Yay.
I Can Haz Creditz?
581674
Of course.
581680 Yay.
581087
To keep the story flowing, I'd just make sure to add more detail and deeper character interactions in future chapters, then come back and edit the first two. Though this leaves readers that come later with a glossed over opening, which could turn them away if they prefer those higher levels of writing. Just something to consider, your choice either way
582225
Alright, I've started the third chapter with more depth as you suggested and I can see a difference. Around chapter 4 when it's halfway through I'll go back to working on chapter 1 and 2. Hopefully good comments in later chapters will sway those who want quality.
582299
Always happy to help
OMG Sirachi!! She is one of my favorite Tumblr OC ponies!!!
582792
You're the first to notice congratulations.
Clop was a bit rushed.
Still, "Kinky Pie" was a great pun.
And oh dear, impending Molestia!
583152
Sadly Kinkie Pie wasn't my pun, she's a tumblr oc. Just a reference along with Sirachi. As for the rushed clop, I'm trying to fix that for the next chapters.
Wow. I absolutely loved it!
But might I say, I never thought Rarity and Twilight would ever do such a thing together. 
But it's still really awesome! 
I thought it was a great mixture of funny and sexy.
Cannot wait till chapter 4 comes!
586739
Glad you liked it.
I WANT MORE!
Please
588680
Um, if you want....
Hahahahahaha u need help with ideas, or help with prereadings mainly prereadings please ask me please!!! This was a great read.
591151
Thanks. That would be very helpful so I'll contact you.
I'm pretty sure i have blood on my chin from how hard im biting my bottom lip in an attempt to stifle the Lolz.
I want to see what happens to Spike. he is the only guy.
593907
That's for later.
im confused.
Scootaloo is a filly. so why?
and second of all...WHAT?
files.sharenator.com/92_what_the_fuck_is_this_shit_RE_PwnzElite_has_declared_war_on_Grammar_Nazis_I_I_have_no_words-s306x227-173187-535.jpg
594332
What do you mean why? Uno is quite the catch in Equestria.
Hahahhahaha, you've answered my plead with continuing it. Can't wait for chapter 5.
I have a question though, what about Luna, does twilight need to talk with her? And what about derpy?
596823
I can't say anything about Luna's situation without spoiling.
As for Derpy,
Haha cant wait!!! your a really great writer. like ur other work too
597693
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Te60iOUPALSC0gEEGwQRYII7rOPF3Eysx+JpuOx/ssiQvmmG8RhkY5Y8gEAc7ue5a3hc1fpoHiLk6nqIbgwB2lROLJsiUFjnHY4jYCRXO2m0TRt22xV71PWIcWP2uRKyGOwN8rgxtnsLPr/AMlnvU/X7NM9npel45ycxsQZGyMiRkQAcPOBbnyDbuLTXeyfj+XT/hCcl7czWZZMrLd5nRFw9gy+QwhoHu37rTs79x3CczvGXSoi5pzGuc0XUTJpQeLAa9rNh+HvftCh3f8A9B6aAaGSTXA9m0Wa7WXq5YvQuBENrMLGAJvmKN3PHq4E+imGY4aAAAAAAA0UAAKAAHYIM5+uofZWpfhf2p9dQ+ytS/C/tVg6z6tycF0Yx9Nnzg8OLnQu2tYQRQO1jzZu+QB8L5qtfWrqP6vZf+u//p0H6/XUPsrUvwv7V5tR8Z4TG72+k5vshRd7aFnshR4Ltxoc13XZfE3VX02LQchkjiAHTOeYhZrzfo2AD5lwA9VcOjsbMdhBuqOjkyH7i5rWs2tjcKEbw3yvI5uhXNc1ZCraF4e6DqMQyIMdj94D3NE8+9jnjdtexstMcORXyNK8aD01jYLPZ40DIWmr2DzOoUC5xtzj8yT3PxUHo3hjjYWeczGdJAHMc10Ebv7mcXE8lps0LsNHAIFV2Vqy8lsTHPe5rGNBc5zyGsa0cklx7CkH2+QNBJIAAJJPAAHck+ixnqrXZOoskYOHuGmxSNOTkjhryLoAWNwscDmzTuALX5u1nP6ikmZDMMTSWyujL4wRPK2hQ5O43QJA2gb+Q6qV80DQYsHHZjwtpjB97nOPvOcfUk8/LsOAAt4YbS16sDBZBEyGJuyKNoYxosgNHbk8n436r90RehkRERBERAREQEREBERAXh1rRIcyF0E7N8Tua5BDqIDmkdnCzR/tXu//AH5V6n7lnOd4pS5Er8fSsN+TI3e0zO2+wFWA4US0tuiC4tB4FchZtn1XzoHU03Ts4ws8ufpshd9GyK3FgB7ENs7eRbe7dwI4NLWnGPLxztfvhmjID4nEWx7feY9p4NHghZVoXhHHZm1GQ5mS8vLwXH2HnA55AeXg7jusDt5eOftvhhNjOvTtTyMSMuc72Tt0sQLgBwNwB7d3AngcmrXG4X41td+kfDzD0sl2PG72jm7HSSuMkjhe77m817oF0LulaFkAl6hwS/ZJBqUXDgZgGyj0IawOYb9atw5sc2vZB46CMluXpmbA8BpDWtEhNjmw/wBmR6fG79FnVitURZj9f2GK34ucxti3vijDACas/pP6FYdN8VtLn93NhYdodU5OORfpcgAJ+QJUFspNqgv4+6d9oYf+0Qf1k/j7p32hh/7RB/WQTu1FBfx9077Qw/8AaIP6yrHWPjJj4zWx4Rjz8t8jWNjhcXsG4d97AQ43tbtBu3fJBf8AMzGQsdJI9scbRbnvIaxo+JJ4CxvVNayupJpIMV78bR4zsklLfPO6waA4sdvLYoG3ckNUlpfR2TmNa/WMh8/6QyjDaWjEYTYbu2+/Vmmg0LHJ5CueLisiYGRsZGwXTY2tjYLNmmtAA5JPA9SumOH2pa/HStKjxYWwQM2RMsNaCXVbi48kkkkkmz8V60Rd2REREEREBERAREQEREBfE0zWNLnuDWNFuc8hrAB3JceAPmV9E1/T8llGtak/qHNbgwb26bDITPOwNeHuaH7SHdg11U0fE7iCOBm3S6ftrWrT9QSOwsMGLAjk/T5TrIk2ngMAoEeoZdu8pNAcaHomiQ4UDYIGBkbfh3c6hb3H1ca7/sFAAL70nR4cSIRQRtijHowVZoC3Hu5xoW48ml7Ek+3tRERaZF0OI7Ej7iVxEB5sUeR8DyP3FQGb0Dp8zt0mFAXc8taYrs2SfZltmz3PKn0U1FVj6stN/mUX75f66fVlpv8AMov3y/11Z0U8YKx9WWm/zKL98v8AXXu0ro7DxXb4MWKN/wDnBu544I8rnklvBPYi1MorqAiIqCIiIIiICIiAiIgIiICIoHrPq2PTcYzPG97jsijHd8lEgfJo7k/s9Rct0qt+JPUbpSNJw9smVkHZLW4iKM0TuLexI5P+a27HIVu6Z0BmDix48Yb5Gjc5o275KG95Fk2489+OB6BV3wx6WkxopMnKafp2U8ySb/8ACNaTuDSe4cXEuI+bQeQrssyb90ERFsEREQREQEREBERAREQEREBERAREQEREBERAREQcc4AEk0ACST2ArklZf0rjDWtTn1CZpfiY7/Y40b/MwuBBDtvbgU8j4ytu65mfFzVnMwm4sTXOnzJBBGGDuA5he2weCba2ub3G+FZOmdEbhYkOOwDyMAcR/KkIuR3c8l1nv6/BYvu/jSUREW2RERAREQEREBERAREQEREBERAREQEREBERAREQEReHXNWbiY0uQ/lsUbn0SBuIHlbyf5Tqb/7lBRc2NuX1RGxzS9mJiiQ7iNjZPfY8C/R8sQ+9osULWkKgeEWjO+jvz5/PlZb3O3uO53sg7j04t4cT8g3tVK/rOKiIi2giIgIiICIiAiIgIiICIiAiIgIiICIiAiIgIiICqPixMG6PlWa3CJo78n6RGa/cCeURZy6qpnpMf3vxP9Ex/wD47FKoisBERVBERAREQEREBERAREQEREBERAREQEREBERAREQf/9k=
ok
Sorry, I ment to add a photo of the pic, not URL
598519
Oh.
Doing this all from an iPod sucks!
598816
I write all my stories from a cell phone.
Chapter 6
u can't leave us on another cliff hanga man, come on. :) i'll say this, stories like this should be veiwed by everyone. Short sweet to the point. Just stinks how you have ta wait for each chapter.
Oh my god there's more now....
Damn title mislead me into thinking Spike was gonna get some from Rarity... oh well still very enjoyable.
600239
I probably would have used Spike but considering all the stories with him and Rarity out there I decided not to.
599369
Meh, short and sweet stories don't get featured unless it's choc full of generic clop and ship situations, making fantasies come true. Or, if the short and sweet story is by a well known author in the community.
Still in my mind ots not one of those read 50 words to sum up 2 words.
Ex: the dog with bright blue eyes, who's master works at ace hardware store, runs extreamly fast and is able to turn at increasingly high speeds.
Simple scentece: the dogs is able to run and turn at high speeds.