An Adonis to Everypony

Chess Game of the Gods87 stories ·1,441 members

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Comments ( 9 )

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Horatiojones

Horatiojones #1 · Sep 11th, 2012 · · ·

Any advice?

Bronydragon

Bronydragon #2 · Sep 11th, 2012 · · ·

1258083
Do more. No really. It was quite alright. Just don't forget to put in some background if you want to continue.
Also mane six are forbidden? Those forbidden fruits are tasty.

Bronydragon

Horatiojones

Horatiojones #3 · Sep 11th, 2012 · · ·

Someone disliked this, Mwuhahahaha

[youtube=http://www.fimfiction.net/story/48850/An-Adonis-to-Everypony#comment/1258260]

Stormcaller

Stormcaller #4 · Sep 11th, 2012 · · ·

1258083

I agree with Bronydragon on this. More is needed indeed.

As for advice. Only real thing I could suggest is to perhaps spend a little time on further describing the surroundings and places the MC ends up to better set the mood. Colors, lighting, that sort of thing. But that's just such a minor thing for most, I wouldn't really worry about it that much. After all, thats not the point of the story I believe.