• Member Since 19th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen March 8th

The Lutece twins


I think I am done with creating stories, just don't have that drive anymore nor the creative juices. but hey, continue to read my stories to you're hearts content

E

It was just supposed to be a prank in the form of a game, but Discord accidentally turns the mane 6 into animatronic versions of themselves. Will the group ever coup with their new body's until they find a way to get their original body's back, or will they be stuck as animatronics for good?

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 47 )

Another one of these? *sigh* This has something to do with Five Nights at Freddie's, doesn't it?
Well, at least the writing isn't horrible, better than a lot of peoples first attempts. Continue writing, I might be tempted to read more, but it better be good.

Not bad for a first attempt. You have a good grasp on the basics though your sentence tenses tend to switch from past tense to present tense several times. This can be a little jarring to the reader but its nothing major. Also you should check out http://www.thesaurus.com/ . It can give you a lot of alternative words to use to help add a bit of color to your stories so you wont be repeating some words too many times within the same paragraph.

All in all I found it to be a pretty good start. With time and practice I'm sure you'll turn into a great writer in time. Just keep at it and remember to keep an open mind for constructive criticism such as this. It is a true writer's bread and butter.

As long as it doesn't turn into another fnaf story I'll keep reading it.
If there just anamatroics it be a change from all the five nights at pinkie or twilight or whatever you call it.

Okay. Now I NEED to find a mod that turns the FNAF animatronics into Ponies. IT MUST EXIST!

5776275 it won't be like a fnaf story, but i will be a story when the mane 6 tries to live out their lives as animatronics though.

5776549 when I get a chance, i can try & make a story like that.

5776185 thank you. & i will use the website that you gave me. thank you.

5775674 thank you. fnaf does have something to do with it, yet it doesn't.

5776654 No problem at all. I really enjoy helping out up coming authors such as yourself. :twilightsmile:

5776652
Golden I hate to be a bother but I have to point this out if you Use the and symbol it's kind of, not good try to use the word "and" and not the symbol.:twilightblush:
besides that this is a very good story

5782888 Thank you for telling me this, even though i use the symbol a lot & hardly use 'and' I can try and use 'and' instead of '&'. And thank you as well for telling me that my story is great. :twilightsmile:

Why did he do this to us ?Rarity asked.:raritystarry:??????or!!!!!!!

:moustache: See ya later Twi ,I'm going over to Raritys to replace her batteries:raritystarry:

:twilightoops: Wut?

5783477 pffffffffht hahahahahahahaha! aahhhhh, i like that. :rainbowlaugh: the reactions, its perfect. :moustache:

are you going to be continuing this, cause it is AWESOME!!!

5790946 yep i am gonna continue this, but i am taking a break, the idea train has stopped to refuel. & thank you. I like it as well. :twilightsmile:

Aw bugger... I know that feel brony, I know that feel...

5791441 yep, its like you try to write but nothing comes out. like its at a standstill, makes you feel like derpy a little bit. :derpyderp1:

5791445 trust me, it really helps to have someone to bounce ideas off of.

Glowing eyes and Robotic voices from FNAF

5791702 yep, but still have the same voices & personalities, just animatronics.

5791727 have their voices but in a Robotic way?? :pinkiehappy:

5791739 Okay so FNAF the animatronics seem to be able to move incredibly fast to move from area to area where there are camera's about. Will they have that ability? Surprising Celestia with their ability.

5791751 well this has something to do with FNAF, but yet it doesn't. 1. its not at a restaurant, 2. they try to live normal lives as animatronics, & 3. Twilight tries to find a way back into their bodies, with the help of discord.

5791805 Well Yea, but will they have that ability in use while getting their lives back to normal?

Comment posted by Lord Midnight deleted Mar 28th, 2015

[Sorry for the deleted comment, I accidentally posted as the author I edit for.]

After reading the first paragraph: Can you PLEASE find an editor? This whole thing is going to bug me.

After finishing the first part: I know that this was your first post, but I really think you should have put more effort into it. I feel like the idea behind the story itself was alright, but the piece simply didn't flow. You very much overused "says" and "asks", and I am not quite sure why you seem to use so any apostrophes and ampersands. Please have your work edited in the future, and I think you might be able to get a few more likes that way as well.

So for now, I won't like or dislike your story. I don't necessarily think it is amazing, but it also is not horrible. I have seen much worse on this website, and I think your story has some level of potential.

5791991 Okay, yea i know used 'ask' & 'says' a lot, sorry.:twilightsheepish: & i see, thank you. i will have someone help me with my story.

5801178 When is the next chapter coming out?:rainbowhuh:

6299994 Thanks for the info.:twilightsmile::pinkiehappy:

May the light of Gaben shine down upon this FanFiction!!!

i.imgur.com/uiAeTeK.jpg

HAIL GABE NEWELL!!! OUR GOD,OUR SAVIOR AND OUR KING!!!!!

6427897 When is the next chapter coming out? Also, are the Mane six and spike going to have characteristics of the animatronics from fnaf? If so I was think that Pinkie would be like Freddy, Rarity would be bonnie, Fluttershy would like chica, Rainbow Dash would be like foxy, Applejack would be like golden freddy Twilight would be like the puppet and Spike would be like balloon boy.

6558042 interesting I may do that, and I am busy writing ing my other stories, so another chapter will come out soon. Sorry. :twilightsheepish:

More of this fanfic is going to be great



This is what I search for
This is my quest

Comment posted by sinewystatue382 deleted Sep 6th, 2021

hay update it its so good:pinkiecrazy::heart:

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