It was another beautiful day in Ponyville, the sun's shining, Pegasus's flying over the town, unicorn's & earth pony's walking along the streets, chatting, or going to Sugercube corner, where Pinkie pie was working, making all sorts of goodies & sweets for everypony. Rarity was working in her boutique, making beautiful dresses, suits, hats, etc. Rainbow dash was laying on a cloud, staring up at the sky. Applejack was bucking her trees to get the apples down, collecting them in baskets, with Applebloom trying to help. Fluttershy was outside her cottage, taking care & talking to some of the animals. & Twilight was in her library writing down notes on a piece of parchment while looking at a book. Twilight was still getting used to being a alicorn, so she wasn't still used to flying, so she was writing down notes so that she can be ready. Spike, her assistant, was cleaning the library a little bit.
"Spike," Twilight said.
"Yea, Twilight?" Spike said, stopping his cleaning for a bit to listen.
"Can you look for 'Pegasus flying patterns' for me?" Twilight asks.
"Sure thing Twilight," Spike said, putting the broom back & climbing a ladder. Suddenly a pink mane & a happy pony appeared from the floor of the library in front of Twilight.
"Hi, Twilight!" Pinkie pie said in her cheery voice. Twilight jumps back, her wings flaring open a little bit, in surprise.
"Oh, it's just you Pinkie," Twilight said, sighing.
"You know not to scare me like that," she said. Pinkie's mane deflated a bit for a second, then returned to normal.
"Sorry Twilight." Pinkie said.
"It's okay Pinkie" Twilight said.
"What brings you here anyway?" she asks.
Pinkie gasps. "I almost forgot!" she yells.
"What is it?" Twilight asks.
"Discord wants to see us." Pinkie said. Twilight looks at Pinkie, a confusing look strewn across her face.
"What? Why does discord want to see us?" she asks. Pinkie just shrugs.
"Dunno. I was taking a break from making all sorts of sweets & treats & I thought I would visit Fluttershy. As i got closer to Fluttershy's cottage, I saw Discord standing outside of her place. I went up & said hi, & he said hi back. Then he told me that he wants to see all of us, even Spike as well!" Pinkie said.
"What?" Spike said in confusion, forgetting that he was holding a big book in his claw & the ladder in the other.
"Woah...woah...woah!" he yelled as the ladder started to rock back & forth.
"YEEEAAAAGH!" Spike yells as he falls.
WHAM!! Spike hits the floor while holding the book, hard.
Twilight facehoofs & shakes her head. Pinkie winces a little, then giggles.
"*sigh* Spike, what am i going to do with you?" Twilight said, staring at a dazed, but okay, Spike. Spike sits up & shakes his head.
"I'm okay," Spike says. Twilight sighs again.
"Let's go & get the other's." Twilight said. Pinkie nods. Twilight, Spike, & Pinkie left the library & headed for Rarity's boutique. Twilight told Rarity what Pinkie told Twilight & they left to get Applejack. Rainbow dash looked down from her cloud & saw Twilight & her friends. Rainbow jumped from her cloud & flew down to Twilight. Twilight saw Rainbow dash & told her the same thing she told Rarity. Soon they reach Sweet Apple Acres, where Applejack & Applebloom where gathering apples. Applejack saw Twilight & stopped to say hi. Twilight told Applejack what she told Rarity & Rainbow dash. Applejack agreed to come along & told Applebloom that she could go & hang out with her friends.
"I wonder why Discord wants to see all of us?" Rarity asks.
"Ooooh, maybe he's gonna throw a party!" Pinkie says happily.
"Doubt it," Rainbow says.
"Well, whatever Discord is up to, I hope that it's not a prank." Twilight said. They soon reach Fluttershy's cottage & see discord playing with a ball.
Discord saw them & made the ball disappear. "Ah, it's so good of you to come," Discord says.
"Okay Discord, you brought us here, now what do you want." Twilight said.
"Just hold that thought while I go & get Fluttershy." Discord said, walking up to Fluttershy's cottage. Discord knocks on Fluttershy's door. The door opens & Fluttershy see's Discord.
"D-D-Discord, what brings you here?" Fluttershy asks.
"May I come in for a bit & tell you something?" Discord asks.
"S-s-sure, c-come on in." Fluttershy said, moving out of the way a bit to let Discord in.
"Thank you." Discord says, walking into Fluttershy's cottage. Fluttershy closes the door & tuns towards Discord.
"Y-you wanted to talk to me about something?" Fluttershy asks.
"Yes, i wanted to tell you that I am gonna pull a prank on you guys." Discord says. Fluttershy's eyes widen.
"W-w-what?"
"Don't worry, it's just a harmless prank." Discord says." I am just gonna play a little game of catch with you guys, but the ball is a trick ball that'll pop before anyone catches it & shower everypony with confetti." he says.
Fluttershy can tell that he's telling the truth & nods.
Discords eye's light up with happiness. "Thank you Fluttershy for trusting me." Discord says, hugging Fluttershy. "Come one, let's play." Discord says. Fluttershy nods & the both of them leave the cottage.
Twilight see's Discord exit Fluttershy's cottage, with Fluttershy coming out with him. "Okay discord, answer my question earlier before you went into Fluttershy's cottage." Twilight said.
"To answer your question Twilight," Discord said. "Is that I have a little game for us to play." he said. Twilight was baffled by Discord's answer.
"W-w-what?" Twilight asks in confusion.
"Ooooooh, I love games!" Pinkie said, bouncing around the group.
"See, even Pinkie wants to play." Discord says. "Fine, we'll play." Twilight said with a look on her face that said "we'll play, but i got my eye on you." while looking at Discord.
"Splendid!" Discord says happily & materializes a blue ball. "Why don't we play a little game of catch." he says. "the rules are simple, catch the ball. that's it." Discord says. "Oh & no flying, we want this to be a fair game. Right Rainbow dash?" Discord asks.
"Fine!" Rainbow says, not looking happy.
"Excellent! Shall we begin?" Discord asks. "something feels off about the ball." Discord though, looking at the ball. But nothing seemed to be off about the ball. Discord shrugs & tosses the ball, which seemed to grow heavier as he threw it.
"What is wrong with the ball?" Discord muttered, than saw the difference. Instead of a rubber ball that was arcing over the group, the ball had a metallic sheen to it as if it was made out of metal.
"Oh, no!" Discord yelled, trying to stop the ball from hitting the group, but it was too late. The ball exploded & instead of confetti falling onto the group, a bluish-green smoke covered them.
Discord stared in shock as he heard coughing. "DISCORD!!!" he heard Twilight yell, making Discord sigh in relief. Yet something was off about Twilight's voice. It sounded like her, but metallic.
There was the sound of metallic clanging & gears turning. As the smoke cleared, Discord stared at the group, & gasped. The mane 6, even spike, has turned into animatronics! Twilight turned towards her friends & gasped. Where her friends were, metallic figures stood in their place. She then looked at herself & saw that she was metallic as well. Twilight than turned towards Discord & stared at him with eyes glowing, literally.
"Discord, what did you do to us!?" Twilight yelled in anger.
"I don't know, this wasn't supposed to happen." Discord said in shock.
"Yea right! I think this was planned from the beginning!" Rainbow dash yelled, flapping open her metallic wings, then flies towards Discord.
"I remember that I have to be somewhere, bye!" Discord said, before disappearing in a poof of smoke, causing Rainbow dash to fly through.
"DISCORD!!!!!!!" Twilight yelled, raising a metallic hoof & shaking it.
TO BE CONTINUED
Another one of these? *sigh* This has something to do with Five Nights at Freddie's, doesn't it?
Well, at least the writing isn't horrible, better than a lot of peoples first attempts. Continue writing, I might be tempted to read more, but it better be good.
Not bad for a first attempt. You have a good grasp on the basics though your sentence tenses tend to switch from past tense to present tense several times. This can be a little jarring to the reader but its nothing major. Also you should check out http://www.thesaurus.com/ . It can give you a lot of alternative words to use to help add a bit of color to your stories so you wont be repeating some words too many times within the same paragraph.
All in all I found it to be a pretty good start. With time and practice I'm sure you'll turn into a great writer in time. Just keep at it and remember to keep an open mind for constructive criticism such as this. It is a true writer's bread and butter.
As long as it doesn't turn into another fnaf story I'll keep reading it.
If there just anamatroics it be a change from all the five nights at pinkie or twilight or whatever you call it.
Okay. Now I NEED to find a mod that turns the FNAF animatronics into Ponies. IT MUST EXIST!
5776275 it won't be like a fnaf story, but i will be a story when the mane 6 tries to live out their lives as animatronics though.
5776549 when I get a chance, i can try & make a story like that.
5776185 thank you. & i will use the website that you gave me. thank you.
5775674 thank you. fnaf does have something to do with it, yet it doesn't.
5776654 No problem at all. I really enjoy helping out up coming authors such as yourself.
5776652
Golden I hate to be a bother but I have to point this out if you Use the and symbol it's kind of, not good try to use the word "and" and not the symbol.
besides that this is a very good story
[Sorry for the deleted comment, I accidentally posted as the author I edit for.]
After reading the first paragraph: Can you PLEASE find an editor? This whole thing is going to bug me.
After finishing the first part: I know that this was your first post, but I really think you should have put more effort into it. I feel like the idea behind the story itself was alright, but the piece simply didn't flow. You very much overused "says" and "asks", and I am not quite sure why you seem to use so any apostrophes and ampersands. Please have your work edited in the future, and I think you might be able to get a few more likes that way as well.
So for now, I won't like or dislike your story. I don't necessarily think it is amazing, but it also is not horrible. I have seen much worse on this website, and I think your story has some level of potential.