Okay, before we get on to the actual story description, I'd like to give you a fair warning. This story will be the first fanfiction I have written. Not first on this site, but the first ever. So, I'd like to apologize if this story has any spelling/grammatical errors or in general bad writing. Ok, now that that's out of the way, to the actual story description!
Pinkie Pie was, for the most part, a normal pony. Her life had been like a party; funny and great. However, when her and the Mane 6 has a sleepover, something triggers some bad memories. Memories that would reveal shocking secrets from her family and it will be worse than her worst nightmares
EDIT: A/U tag to say that Pinkie is older than Marble and Limestone Pie
Chapters (8)
Feel free to leave constructive criticism.
Hmmm, this is interesting. I normally don't read or comment on dark types of fics, but this one looks very promising.
There's just one thing: when ponies are talking, you don't pile the dialogue up in one big paragraph, you separate them into lines like this:
"Have you read the first book of the Gears series yet?" asked Lyra.
"No, I just bought it from the bookstore!" Bon-Bon replied.
Oh, and wonderful job on your first story!
5749323 Thanks. I'll try to not bunch up the dialogue.
Okay!
I think the dark tag defiantly came out in this one because Pinkie's parents are going to cut off her wings .
Though I think Pinkie should have told her friends, she's handing this pretty well considering how much she's seen.
Also, why are we calling Pinkie's mom Cloudy, when that isn't her name?
5749750 Possibly.
I made her like that because Pinkie Pie is a very innocent character. I'm planning on having her tell her friends later in the story. Mainly because she doesn't want to ruin the sleepover.
I looked on the MLP wikia and it said that Pinkie's mother's name was Cloudy Quartz and her father's was Igneous Rocks.
5750115 Yes, but I'm not listing them because they'll have little to no dialogue in this story. If this story has a sequel(which I'm still debating whether I should write or not. It's too early to tell), I'll definitely list them as main characters.
5749952 Oh, sorry! I forgot what Pinkie Pie`s mother`s name was.
When are you planning on posting another chapter?
5750374 Sometime either this week or next week.
5750449 Okay!
Here`s the link to my story, if you don`t mind reading it: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/244065/the-third-sister
OMG I have to do a reading of this on so many websites! I can't believe how AMAZING this was... THIS is 20% cooler!
5750456 Ok. I read the first chapter and it does look good. I may take a look at the rest of it tomorrow.
5750508 Thanks. I'm flattered.
"Yes truly delightful"
-rairaty
Lol it was cool I love dark stories and this is a good 1 so far
Pinkie's fathers name is actually Igneous Rock while Pinkie's mother's name is Cloudy Quartz.
Did you just come up with the name Cloudy for her? Or did you perhaps know it already? If wouldn't mind my asking.
5750514 Thanks!
I like it its cool I need more more I say!!!! Lol jk but I love it
5750587 I looked on the MLP wikia to see if Pinkie had anymore relatives besides Maud Pie, Limestone Pie, or Marble Pie. And I found her parents names.
5750663 The next chapter will be out sometime this week or next week if everything goes according to plan.
Well I can put two and two together and all I can say is I hope that both of them end up dead for their crime.
5751349 ikr
5752934
5751349
Don't get ahead and jump to a conclusion. Things will go as you may not expect.
5752996 I will keep an open mind
5753124 The dark tag won't come into play for... I'd say two or three chapters. Right now I'm building put to it and hinting at it. But, you're entitled to your opinion. Yes, I'm using flashbacks. Also, there is more story in the 2nd chapter. The prologue is just to explain how she got the said flashbacks and where the setting for the story is going to be.
5752996 Let's hope not otherwise.....
Ok, let me get this straight. The filly's name is Pinkie. She looks like me when I was a filly. And she's a pegasus.
Crap, the implications dude! I want to see much more of this, man can't say I've read anything like it...
5755192 Thanks. The next chapter is probably going to be the longest of all of these yet. It'll be coming out sometime either this week or next week.
5755196 I'll be lookin forward to it
I'm waiting for the juicy part!
Although I do have to say ya are building an excellent story around Pinks, and if I may ask. How long do ya plan on making this little gem here, because I'm really into it now.
5756916 Probably around 8 or 10 chapters. Also, the juicy part will be soon.
5756928 Ze yes!
Apologizes. This next chapter will probably come out a little late because of personal events in my life away from this.
For some reason, you started spelling Pinkie's name wrong after the first line break, and kept saying "de" when you should have just put "she."
Oh wait, I get why now.
5771882 I apologize for that. When I wrote this chapter, I planned on having Pinkie's(the filly) name be, "De" because it would be related to something involving flying. Like depart. Half way into writing it, I realized that it contradicted something in the 2nd chapter, so I quickly edited it and published without realizing that there were still typos left. But I just went in and fixed it.
Once again, constructive criticism is welcome.
Oh my goodness. That was... Dark.
5780661 Yes. Yes it was.
Interesting chapter. I'm surprised that only Applejack and Fluttershy have noticed that Pinkie Pie is acting strangely!
Also, I noticed just a few errors:
-Pinkie has hooves not hands
-And there were a few incomplete thoughts mixed up in there
Otherwise, good chapter!
And.....here comes the gore.
*COVERS EYES*
Meh, I was expecting more gore.
Btw, if my own sister did something like that to me, I would NEVER get over it!
5785196 Thanks for pointing those out. I'm kind of a poor editor. I'll go in and fix that.
Oh, trust me, there'll be more. If it isn't physical gore, then it'll be psycological. This f-ed up Pinkie.
5785310 Oh no! Psycological gore is always worse than physical gore!
(I don't know what Psycological gore is!
)
Oh, and you are welcome! I always try to point out errors to authors so their stories will be spotless.
5785426 Psycological gore is basically like psycological torture. That person tries to get rid of it, but it just keeps coming back with stronger force each time.
5750585 Thanks. Hopefully you're still enjoying it.
I'm kinda worried about the characterization of the actual characters in the story. I don't know if I've correctly done the characters. How has it looked so far?
5785563 Oh, that sounds horrible!
And, as far as the characters, you have done a wonderful job. I just hope to see more dialogue between them in the upcoming chapters.
5787221 Yes. Yes it tis. And thank you. I just want to make sure I'm not giving you(pardon my language) shit. And the next chapter won't be out until either sunday or monday due to personal events in my life. I apologize for that.
5787664 You don't have to apologize. I know you are trying your best to keep this story going, and deal with whatever is happening in your life.
Besides, what's going on behind the screen, is way more important than any silly old story!
Ok, I;m back! :
The story may continue!
Is this the last chapter? It seems like you said it was in the A/N, but the story is still marked as incomplete.