Cherilee had her heart inadvertently crushed by her former love interest Big Mac when he started dating Fluttershy. Now with little or no motivation, can the depressed mare find love in the most unusual of places. Or will she succumb to her fears and continue in her mental downward spiral.
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Hmmmm looking at the tags, she is going to ship with either The Blue one or The Gray one.
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5749477 It might just be your ultra malevolent portrait, but I got the feeling that you might have more in mind...
5749780
Meh...
5750290 Oh yellow bird pony, you are even more adorable when trying not to be.
Hhhmmm.
Let me start by saying that - from what I read - there's nothing explicity WRONG with the story. It's paced and written fine and there wasn't any part that made me go 'wait, what?' and need to re-read it; from a literary standpoint. I also actually really liked the whole set-up for this; Two characters pining for the same person ending up together because they empathise and decide to get to know each other, it's a classic scenario! Not to mention, it's another story that actually paints Rainbow Dash as a somewhat likeable character; considerin my great distaste for her in the show, I always like it when this happens! All of this means that you at least deserve an upvote for what you're doing.
But, I've gotta admit... I don't really like this story. But honestly, I think that's more a personal problem than the stories. I think it mainly comes down to the depiction of Cherilee (FYI, don't worry, I didn't have a clue how it was spelled either till I read your description). I think I see what your going for - the whole concept having to put this facade up of being happy go lucky, whilst inside trying to deal with her own issues - but the whole thing came off as a little too mean spirited for my tastes. It's not that I can't even see this characterisation being a thing, it's just at times, it felt less 'having a bad day', and more 'I have always hated life and would want nothing more than to see my class burn' ; Lines like calling Twilight 'Princess Book Face' were admittedly funny, but It made me think 'Wait, since when did you hate her? Why?'; plus the whole describing the class as 'runts' gave me the impression she hates kids; which simply felt a bit too far out-of-character.
Again, maybe it's a personal thing and I'm just not the audience; I can appreciate that. Like I said, I'll give you an upvote because it's clear you really did put some effort into this; but I think I'll jump ship for now. Hope the rest of the story goes well and you get some more views.
5760639 Yo, I loved that comment right there
It's that type of stuff that helps me evaluate myself as a writer and I greatly appreciate your feedback. Truthfully I know that I completely put Cheers personality through the blinder and it will remain that way until I get into the more softer chapts. But through actual experience I know people can personally forget themselves in the mist of conflict and I'm writing this puppy here for more experience with character progression. Meaning Good ol Cheers will be back to her old self in another chapt or two
So thanks for checkin' it out, and I hope that once it's complete ya may stumble across it again to find it mildly more amusing.
5760843 Oh since you asked so nicely!
I'll keep this to one side and give it another check when it's done. I'll look forward to see where you take this progression.
5792153 Yo, the next chapt should be up by tomorrow as long as I don't find to many errors in it.
Oh and thanks for ya support, it helps me keep the ball rollin'.