"The future is bulletproof! The aftermath is secondary!" ~My Chemical Romance; Na Na Na
Prism Bolt, son of Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in Equestria, and Soarin, both former Wonderbolts, has his passion set for flying faster then his mom. But when he finally talks with a new mare by the name of Whirlwind, things start crumbling around him as he tries to ask her out.
This is my contest entry for Kilala's contest.
Fun Fact used: "Prism was a hot mess when asking out Whirlwind."
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Great story! I loved it!
few small grammar mistakes, but an all around good story.
5635619 Thank you!
5636015 That's why I edit my stories every weekend!
5636117 really, every weekend?
If my entry doesn't win the contest, I hope this one does! I love stories centered around my OTP!!
5636200 Thank you!
5636178 I try my best for every weekend.
I noticed a lot of errors, first and foremost is you starting your first sentence with
,his name is "Prism Bolt", that said it is a fun read. Remember to keep on improving, and don't forget to always come back to prior posts and see if you can spot any errors whenever you can.
5647205 Thanks for the pointer! I will edit this story today!
The pacing is really rough. There were a lot of good elements, but everything just felt rushed. Locations changed without it being that clear upon first read, and the passage of time is very unclear.