Princess Luna watches over the dreams of the ponies of Equestria at night. She has faced lots of nightmares, ranging from those of a troubled foal needing to be soothed to those of an old pony still haunted by disasters past.
It's not as appreciated as what Celestia does during the day, but at least it keeps her busy.
However, she soon makes a new enemy in the form of a dream demon who has negative effects on innocent poines through their dreams. Corrupting ponies' magic, abducting souls, and even killing them.
Said demon crosses the line by kidnapping her sister's soul and not allowing her to wake up.
That demon must be stopped.
Chapters (1)
Well that was one rollercoaster of a story, especially with Luna taking on Mara. Great job with the action and all that stuff!
Well, that was a fun fight. Do be careful with pronouns, though. With passages like "She rammed into her and drove her into the wall, making rocks crumble from the ceiling and rain down on them," it can be difficult to tell who's doing what to whom. And phrases like "If the numerous recent deaths were any indication, Mara was a deadly being" feel kind of silly. Still, these are minor quibbles.
The concept of toxic magic is quite neat, as is Luna's clever use of it. Sometimes destroying everything around you isn't a bad thing.
In all, I quite liked this. An interesting bit of tension came from the time period; I kept looking for signs of the Nightmare, thinking that something here might be the catalyst. But that slow poison was all Luna, which makes it all the more tragic...
The concept is great. My advice would be to rewrite the action scenes in greater perceptual detail from Luna's POV. How does everything look and feel? How does she feel during the fight? What is she thinking, from moment to moment? Despite the detail, good pacing can let that flow rapidly.
This story is the previous story from Escape from the Dreamscape, right?
7828626 Yep.