• Member Since 25th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen January 2nd

Blood_rose_doll


Just a girl who enjoys writing. If you enjoy what I put up it just makes it all the better.

T
Source

A dinner between the four princesses of Equestria is interrupted. A star falls from the sky and lands beyond the mountains of the north. Luna determined to right this wrong as the Princess of the night decides to go after it. The other princesses follow on what they think is a routine mission but it turns out to be anything but routine. What they find over those mountains surprises all of them. This is a story about what lies hidden beyond the Frozen North and why it should have stayed hidden.

Collaboration between me and Malozi

Art used with permission please check out the artist mysticalpha

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 9 )

First coment!

Intresting story...please continue.

Interesting, but logically I'm thinking who is leading their domains while their gone. Why do all four have to go? While the more fun part is thinking, why isn't the Main 6 with them?
Well interesting story, hope you keep at it.

5527034 To answer your questions I ran into this problem as well. So we decided that once they get to the capital there will be at least one princess switching back and forth to rule their domains while the other three stay with the wolves. As to why the Main 6 aren't with them we decided we wanted to do a story that focuses on the princess solely for once* and an adventure that they're going to have together. Keep in mind, they didn't expect to run into another sentient species. All four of them are going because they were expecting a short trip, (because why not?) they weren't expecting to run into another sentient species altogether. I hope this answers your questions but if you want I'll be glad to continue to answer any further questions you have.
*Once is subjective, we just notice a vast majority of stories don't focus on the four princesses doing some major thing together and it normally falls on the Main 6 to get things done. Sure, there are other stories that focus on them, I'm sure of it but, as I said before, we wanted to do a story that focuses on the princesses for the vast majority of the time.

A star falls from the sky and lands beyond the mountains of the north. Luna determined to right this wrong as the Princess of the night decides to go after it.

How can a falling star be wrong?

6748658
This is Equestria. A lot of science simply wouldn't make sense. If you remember the tornado episode where Fluttershy helped make a tornado (too lazy to find out the episode name at the moment) a tornado like that would be sucking up everything around it, not just the water in the funnel cloud part. This is Hollywood science and it shall be treated as such.

6748694 Tornadoes are quirky. An F5 can wipe out all the houses on one side of the street and not touch the houses on the other side. So a magical tornado probably has tightly defined winds that don't reach out beyond the sides of the funnel cone. Oh, and things were blown around on the ground.
Were the stars that aided Nightmare Moon's escape wrong too?

6748968
The stars were probably wrong, yes. The entirety of their world runs on magic. It's a better idea to question how magic works, than the science. Unless a human were in this story, then only the human could get away with asking scientific questions because they have legitimately no idea what's going on.

So far, this has been an interesting and original read. The idea of Luna chasing a fallen star is a really good one. Furthermore, the wolves are a really nice addition and I’m looking forward to reading more about them :pinkiesmile: The only thing I can’t really comprehend is why Twilight and Cadance were suddenly sent away, especially for reasons that should have played a significant role from the beginning. But maybe the upcoming chapters will shed some light on that, we will see.

Grammar-wise, there was one recurring issue I’d like to mention; direct speech, more precisely punctuation and capitalization in direct speech. Let me explain:

When there is a speaking action present in the dialogue tag (said, replied, asked, commented etc.), the tag starts with lowercase letter (except proper nouns or I). However, direct speech in such case cannot end with a period. A comma has to be in its place. (Question and exclamation marks, as well as ellipses, are alright there as well.)

"Write it like this," she said.
"Like this?" he asked.

On the other hand, when the tag contains a non-speaking action (nodded, blushed, sighed etc.), the tag has to start with an uppercase letter and the direct speech cannot end with a comma. Period or other punctuation mark has to be there.

"Indeed, just like that." She nodded.

And that’s all I’d like to mention. Anyway, looking forward to the next chapter!

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