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trondason


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[Prototype 2/MLP crossover]
After a number of years, Nightmare Moon has returned and was able to make her own body, instead of finding a host. However, the process cost her most of her power, and she knew that, if she were to get it back before being discovered, she needed to get herself a familiar.

However, things don't go quite as planned, as the ritual end up costing her wings, and she gets quite a willful familiar. Over the next few days, she is forced to admit that her ultimate wish is that ponies liked her night, and through that her, by forcing them to experience it. With this relevation, she is faced with a new goal of getting the ponies to like her, which will be a even harder task.

Luckily (or perhaps unluckily) her familiar is there to help, with his intimidating visage, abrasive personality, and willingness to brutalize anyone needed.

AN: This is my first time.

Also, it has been pointed out to me that I should probably get a Editor. So anyone willing, the position is open.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 163 )
Comment posted by DX-1118 C deleted Jan 9th, 2015
Comment posted by trondason deleted Jan 9th, 2015
Comment posted by Legionary deleted Jan 9th, 2015
Comment posted by DX-1118 C deleted Jan 9th, 2015

lots of promise

I agree, this shows promise.

Favourited and liked, good luck.

Same as all the others: shows promise. I'll keep an eye on this fic. Also, that's a lot of deleted comments there, bud.

Seems legit, can't wait for more.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

Hmm, good premise. Nightmare is a bit too whiny, not at all the imposing majesty she claims to be, and Alex is less abrasive and more sarcastic, which isn't really him. Also play through P1: He doesn't exactly strike me as the kind of guy to hold back out of sport or fun.

Strange how he can eat manticores, given that his strain was designed to break down human tissue, but he did eat a bird, so I guess he has some leeway. Though I doubt he could eat Nightmare even if he wanted, since it seems her new body is made entirely out of magic; she didn't bleed out from losing her wings, after all.

Speaking of which, you'd think Familiar Spells would magically bind them to your will; mind magic does exist, after all. And I think Nightmare Moon was aware of the whole eternal-night-kills-all thing; she's Luna driven mad with anger and jealousy after all, I think 'revenge on those who shunned' was kinda part of the deal. But that's getting into headcanon vs headcanon so meh.

Interesting fact, it wouldn't be the dying plants that would be the biggest part of eternal night, it'd be the dropping temperatures. It'd get very close to Absolute Zero, very fast. Earth's average temp is some 25 C, some 77 F. In 1 week it drops to 0 C, freezing point. Then it goes lower...

On a side note, WELCOME! Welcome to the wonderful world of writing fanfiction! A few problems here and there with not including an apostrophe for possessiveness, or a/an, and other such typos probably caused by your fingers flying faster than your mind. Eager to see what else you come up with; remember to add this yourself to any groups you think it belongs in.:raritywink:

Definitely going to like and favorite

This seems very interesting... I wonder how Changeling DNA would work with Blacklights abilitys...?

why are there four deleted comments on the first chapter? This does not bode well at all :twilightoops:

And so the epic journey of Twilight leading her into the Gryphonian Empire begins, the epic journey at which end she realises that the book she did it for was after all the time in her library! Or atleast Alex put it back there during said journey, and sorry if I disappoint you, but from what is Alex?
EDIT:Fixed by looking into description: Prototype 2.

This story has got great potential to turn into something awesome. Keep it up.

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Comments by people before the chapter was even fully submitted.
5482575

Hmm, good premise. Nightmare is a bit too whiny, not at all the imposing majesty she claims to be

Recent times have been a bit emotional for her. Lets take a look at what has happened recently from her perspective,
Got kicked out of her body and replaced by a younger version of herself.
Is fresh off of her 1000 years on the moon, before which she was feeling rather shunned and that no one loved her or appreciated her
Lost her wings 3 days ago as a price to achieve said love and appreciation, and it seems like that sacrifice is in vain
Yeah, emotions are all twisty for her, and she got issues, including that anger and jealousy you mentioned. So emotions are all over the place.

Alex is less abrasive and more sarcastic, which isn't really him. Also play through P1: He doesn't exactly strike me as the kind of guy to hold back out of sport or fun.

I did. This isn't P1 Alex, but Post P2. He's been through life, and found that doing things to his full potential has those things over with way to fast. Even what he did in P2 wasn't all he could do, he was holding back a lot, despite completely owning everyone.

Interesting fact, it wouldn't be the dying plants that would be the biggest part of eternal night, it'd be the dropping temperatures. It'd get very close to Absolute Zero, very fast. Earth's average temp is some 25 C, some 77 F. In 1 week it drops to 0 C, freezing point. Then it goes lower...

I'd think that would be leveled out by the fact the sun is shining continuously on the other side of the planet, rapidly raising temperatures there. That's assuming that Equis is spherical, at least.

5483433 Ah, makes sense.

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5483396 Yeah we were kind of messing around

5483433 in my headcanon, equis is a 4-sided pyramid

I will kill you if I have to wait for this to update.

Never mind. I'll inflict severe pain instead.

5484380 You know, pain makes it hard to type coherent sentences, let alone a good story.

5484551 Reduced sleep and/or less restful sleep can have severe detrimental effects to one's cognitive abilities.

Pretty good story so far for a first shot, keep up the good work. Sure there are some errors in there, missing words that got left out and the like -or so I think, as sometimes I feel there is a word missing when there isn't so don't quote me on this-

Still very nice, I'll be watching this.

You have good recommendations, and I love this kind of story. I'll hold off on reading it until you post some more chapters, I don't feel as if one is a good judge of how you are as a writer. Please continue! :pinkiehappy:

5484994 I don't drink coffee.

Awesome chapter you are doing a amazing job I can't wait to see the next chapter

Just so you know, Nightmare Moon cannon wise never was Luna, but was rather a separate entity that took control of her, as shown via the official comics.

Anyways, back to reading the chapter. Other than what I just stated, the writing style at least looks good so far. I'll be able to judge better once I finish the chapter though.

5485453 I have read the comics, or at least the first 18, and no-where in them does it say that she wasn't. I know of the arc with her taking over Rarity, but all that proves is that she's separate NOW, and if anything, more strongly supports that she wasn't always a separate entity. Take a closer look at their conversations and wording, several bits do not make much sense if she was truly separate.

One bit I can think of off the top of my head, how worried Luna was that she would become Nightmare Moon again. In the case of possession, she shouldn't be worried, cause it's not like she would let NMM in again with honeyed words (unless she really is that weak willed), however if she became NMM on her own, the worry makes sense.

prototype crossovers are awesome

You need a better proofreader for another thing. Lots of grammar misusage, especially with using 'too' instead of 'to' as a common thing.

5485532 Considering all the proofreading it got was me doing my best when writing it, and Google Docs sometimes catching stuff, can't say you are wrong.

5485462 Not really. The possession occurred due to Luna having a weak heart, emotionally speaking. She succumbed to her negative emotions, which gave Nightmare the chance to take over. Heck, Nightmare is even the ruler of the nightmares.

However, it never was clarified what happened to Nightmare after the second defeat by Twilight and them. Never was confirmed to be dead.

5485572 A weak heart is quite clearly not enough, as is shown with the case of Rarity, she needs to actually be let in. While they might be able to be manipulated into giving, Rarity didn't know she was dealing with Nightmare Moon, nor was she aware that possession was what was going to happen. It's a trick that works fine on the unaware, but Luna is hardly unaware.

5485582 We know that. But does Luna? She fears a relapse. Fear can lead one to be illogical, especially if it's a fear of something that has proven to have occurred in the past.

5485613 Alright, point there. But wait, there's more!

From the episode "Luna Eclipsed" we have this line.

Princess Luna: Twilight Sparkle. [booming voice] It was thou who unleashed the powers of harmony upon us and took away our dark powers!

A lot of possessive nouns there, if it was all NMM's fault. While I suppose you could argue that she's refering to the combined entity she and NMM made, it just doesn't feel that way, especially since she goes on to say that it's traditional to use the royal we when talking to subjects.

And then there is their apparent preference of Luna as NMM rather than Rarity, and it can't be a power thing, considering Nightmare Rarity was strong enough to fight the other princesses fairly evenly.

Well, caught up on the chapter. Very nice beginning, despite my original complaints.

Though, I do believe that Alex wasn't holding back against Heller. Sure, Alex could have put on his armor... but honestly, that armor, I found, has limited use. It makes him very hard to damage, sure, but it hinders his mobility... and against someone as aggressive as Heller, mobility is a must. The armor is more for against slow powerhouse enemies. Can still dodge, but the armor compensates for against those you can't dodge.

Oh, by the way, liked how he chose not to reveal all his powers to her.>: ) Surprises indeed.:D

5485657 From what I have seen, Nightmare enhances the natural powers of those it possesses.

Regardless of our debate on Nightmare though, can't deny that this is a very good start for a fic.^^

5485675 If you want my headcannon on Alex, it's over on the blog. In short, the main reason I put Alex so far above Heller, is cause of the huge-ass power-boost he got at the end. He took out ALL of Red Zone in one big tentacle blast. Even if they were even power, and consumption lead to doubling of the winners power, that would mean Heller could have wiped out half of the Red Zone on his own.

5485708 Well, that battle wasn't entirely just power alone. As I stated, what good is power if the attack can't hit? Mobility is the key as well. As such, I do believe that Alex gave it his all during that fight. However, Heller is one thing. Things in Equestria are another matter entirely, eh?

In truth, when it comes to Heller, I think he's more dangerous than Alex when it comes to battling.... But Alex one-ups him in a different way, which I'll get to.

Heller's powers seem more combat oriented and hunter oriented than Alex's. Better suited for battle and hunting.

However, Alex's powers seemed to grant him better access to the memories and abilities of those he consumed, more so than Heller had. This makes Alex's powers more focused towards intellectual combat as compared to Heller's. So, basically, Heller is more savage, and Alex is more intellectual.

5485730 While I might give that Heller is a better combatant, the point is that Alex is SO far above him power wise, that it doesn't matter, when his hits do hit, they should cleave Heller in half, yet they don't.

5485736 Who says they don't? Don't forget, both of them have regenerative capabilities. Heller merely outlasted Alex in regards to this regenerating. Meaning, there's a limit to how much the two can regenerate. Heller was able to outlast him, his combat instincts being better.

Which is somewhat fitting, really. Heller started out as a soldier that knew how to fight. Alex started out as a scientist. So, basically, combatant vs. intellectual.

With that in mind, it makes sense that Heller outdid Alex. But that was in combat. If it were a challenge of intellect, Alex would run circles around Heller.

5485859 The fact you aren't in two separate pieces when Alex hits you?

And really, just the fact that Heller started out a Soldier doesn't really have any real baring on their current abilities. They have both eaten tons of soldiers, and would have collecting know-how from them (except there's something up with Heller's ability, considering he didn't know how to work a computer despite eating the dude who worked there (got a explanation for that too)), and between the two of them, Alex has eaten way more, more variety too. Plus, with all that extra power, that means greater speed is also possible (Force = Mass * Acceleration).

5485875 And yet, Heller has abilities that Alex lacked. It seems to me that Heller's strain of the virus evolved towards combat rather than intel collection.

And the cutting in half? Remember, Alex recovered from a mere puddle, so the virus easily allows for regeneration from extreme circumstances the more evolved it is, and it was most evolved for those two.

5485886 I believe Alex did have those abilities, cause where did he get them? From the Infected, that Alex made.

I'm not saying that recovering from being cut in half is undoable (easily done for them, though it would cost a lot of biomass, specifically all that was in your legs), but you WEREN'T cut in half is the thing.

5485895 If that applied (it totally could), then Heller would be under similar constraints, and again we would be back at him not being faster than Alex.

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