Queen Chrysalis has just been blasted away with the shield that Shining Armor and Princes Cadence created to send all of the changelings out of Equestria, Chrysalis and her changelings find out that not only are they out of Equestria, but their also in a whole new world. But when a mad man named Fawful mind controls all of her changelings, she has to team up with some rather unlikely allies, to save her changelings.
Takes place during the beginning of Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story
Not all of the story's events will happen the same way has the game haves it, also expect the addition of other Mario characters.
The story is now being continued under a new author, XLR8 Fox
Chapters (3)
Pretty awesome story so far. ^^ I wouldn't mind seeing the Mario Bros. and Starlow's side of the story too. That'd make things interesting to see what they think from their perspective. As for non M&L: BIS characters, well I have some in mind that'd be nice to see if you're taking ideas. Geno, Mallow, the Koopa Kids including Bowser Jr. and Prince Peasley would be fun to see. Especially since Fawful is an Bean Bean Kingdom resident and under Peasley's jurisdiction to arrest.
Can't wait to see what happens next. ^^
5456997
Thanks! And I am taking suggestions, I would love to put Geno and Mallow, but I just don't really know how to add them in, and I haven't really thought about prince Peasley, but we'll just see what happens. Not to mention the Koopalings and Bowser Jr. where already planned to be in the story.
5457328 Really? Interesting. ^^ As for how to add them, well the main villain is the Dark Star is it not, just like in the game? When Fawful unleashes it, it could start trouble in Star Road and Mallow's Cloud Kingdom home prompting Geno and Mallow to team up and chase after the evil star monster. From there they team up with Mario and Bowser basically getting the gang back together even without Bowser realizing it at first and viola you have a team up ready to go. True we will have to see what happens. ^^ Do let me know if you need more ideas, I can help out with planning them. ^^
I do have one with Chrysalis meeting the heroes if you haven't already have something like that planned. They could talk to her, get to know her, learn what her deal is and how she got to the Mushroom Kingdom. Maybe even learn of the starvation crisis the hive is experiencing that prompted the Canterlot invasion in the first place. They could being heroes and the gentlemen they are, offer to help save her subjects from both Fawful and the crisis by coming up with ways to solve it peacefully which would in turn allow the changelings to survive for centuries to come unlike where a successful invasion would've actually doomed them eventually due to exhausted love sources. After all when ponies have fear and hate of changelings, gathering love would be nearly impossible. And knowing Chrysalis, a bad actor she might be given how she acted as Cadence, she's not an idiot or incompetent as a ruler or she'd have been dethroned and replaced by now for the hive's wellbeing. She knows her hive and subjects come before anything else, even herself. If there is a way to ensure their survival she'll take it even if it means groveling before her enemies and begging for help if it came to it as a last resort. At least that's how I see her personality and pride. Much like how Bowser sets aside his own pride and teams up with Mario and Luigi to complete a common goal.
Honestly? I think the writing for Fawful's pretty dead on. He was always too random to really pin down just how he talks, so what you've done for his dialogue is great. As for the teaming up part, it might've been rushed a little, but it's not bad. If anything, this was probably as good as it could get.
I had two quick questions though. Are there gonna be other characters from MLP showing up? Also, like Bowser with a few of his minions, will some of the Changlings be able to break free of the mind control? Like some commanders or something?
5466764
Thanks! To answer your questions the only ones who might make a appearance in this fic are Celestia, but only by mentioning (and maybe Discord.) And yes there will be some changelings who are free from fawful's mind control, but like Bowser's minions they will be imprisoned.
This is interesting so far. However, Chrysalis seems rather disconnected from the BiS plotline aside from her Changelings getting brainwashed. I think the story would be better if you could figure out a way to incorporate both of them equally.'
Perhaps you could have her undergo some of the events Bowser normally would. Or maybe you could give her a rival under Fawful like Midbus is for Bowser.
5560924 I gotta agree here. I was kind of expecting some of the Changlings to help Fawful and Midbus capture Ludwig and the others. Also, thank you for mentioning Ludwig. That's my favorite out of all the Koopalings. Him and Morton.
As for everything else, maybe it might be a good idea to bring in some other Mario characters. Like for instance while Bowser fights that Sea Pipe Statue, Chrysalis can fight Blooper. As in the Giant Blooper that's in most games. Just have her fight a boss either alongside Bowser or fight off a separate boss altogether.
5561279
agreed
I just read all three chapters and have to say, I like to see where this goes. I have Bowser Inside Story. Wonder how the giant boss battle will go.
-w- love it so far!
Gonna keep reading!
YEET
I couldn't really understand what the heck Fawful was saying, but YEET
I would like to know wher Bowser Jr. is and what happened to him. *i didnt play the game and now im mad at myself.*
this story has good potential, hope it gets continued soon
Hey, if you aren't planning on continuing this story, could I perhaps try and remake it? like improve on it and stuff?
10696780
Go ahead, I can also share some ideas I had for the story before it died.
10697023
Do you perhaps have Discord so you could share those ideas?