Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed

by Admiral Biscuit

Shining Armor Is Commanding Your Bed (Sage Probo)

Shining Armor is commanding your bed
Sage Probo

It was a lovely Monday evening, a bit cold but not to chilly. A little dark but not downright night. And the best part was you just got home from almost getting fired by your I-can-be-an-asshole-too-if-I-want-to-boss for being fashionably late. Fashionably late as in you were late by almost half the day.

It wasn't even your fault, it was somebody else's this time. You mean, come on, how would you know that a behemoth of a truck was out to destroy your car for no good reason other than: It looked like junk so I thought I could make it through without harming my paint job doing so.

To make matters worse, the only bus stop close to you was literally 30 minutes away from your current position back then, AND the bus was passed you by as you were standing there, looking at the wreckage that was once your most priced possession (on a side note, you were incredibly happy that that piece of scrapped metal that was draining your saves faster than any pony that tended to destroy your mobiliar at home could do was obliberated).

So, with a heavy sigh of defeat, you open the door to your messy apartment, dropped your bag on the chair near the entrance door and went straight to the kitchen to get some cold beer. God, you need a beer now more than ever, or the time Spike visited you and drank you under the table so fast you could've sworn he cheated. By the time you went to the living room, you could hear a very, very, very loud voice from the direction of where your bedroom was.

By now, hearing something from your bedroom wasn't that new, with your bed being a trans-dimensional anchor and all that stuff. Sluggerish, you make your way upstairs to find out who was dropping by this time. You stop in front of your bedroomdoor, and the voice was loud. Really loud, and it seemed it was shouting orders to something. Standing there, you close your eyes to listen to the voice and try to recognize it. And boy you do. Snapping your eyes open, you slam the door open and…

… stared in disbelief of what you saw.

All your stuff has been moved towards the wall to create space, and your bed was marching on its legpoles to the voice of the pony standing at the sides. It marches straight, made a 180 degree turn, marched back, did some turns and stood still in place.

"GOOD WORK, SOLDIER! I WILL MAKE THE BEST GUARD BED OUT OF YOU THAT ANY OTHER BED IN THIS REALM HAD EVER SEEN!" the pony shouted at my still standing bed.

Said pony turned out to be none other than Shining Armor, no, PRINCE Shining Armor, husband of Princess Cadence and co-ruler of the Crystal Empire.

"Dafu* are you doing with my bed, dude?" was all you managed to say.

Shining looked at you and furrowed his brows, and walked over to you. "Is this ragged, poor excuse of a bed yours?" he asked you once he was close. You simply nod. "Not good, not good at all. What if changelings come into your home trying to tell you they were magical beds and steal your love?"

You… were kind of stunned. Because that happened quite some time ago, besides the love stealing thingy. "And how, pray tell, is a bed going to defend me against another bed? Breaking the legs off? Ripping the bedsheets apart? Talking back?" you asked back.

"You sound like you have experienced such an attack before." Shining replied, at which you again simply nod. "If you already had such an encounter, then there is only one thing left to do. And that is to let let your bed die in pieces because it failed its duty to protect you." With that, he charged his horn and set your bed on fire. And all you could do was standing there, watching your bed writhe in agony (and how this was possible in the first place would surely break your mind). Also, what was it with ponies and setting your stuff on fire?

After the flames died down, you turned to the pony, and he only said: "Wanna draft a new bed who does a better job guarding you?"

Comments

[pahnazd]

Well, at least there will be a new bed from this ordeal

[SuperWeegeeWorld]

...Shining Armor, you're a dunce.

[Maxes Altho]

Wow, Shining, there's no need to get so...
learnawesome.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/horatio-s-sunglasses-o.gif

... Fired up.

[Apocryphal Frost]

There should be a chapter with Flash Sentry, and he should just be a chill guy who doesn't actually do anything, but the MC hates him most of all for no reason.

[Half Dime]

Umm, does someone else wan'na point out the grammatical errors, or should I?

[poisonflame616]

may as well bring Vinyl back, the bed would at least be salvageable after she's gone

[Bugsydor]

5508044
Go right ahead. I'm too lazy.

Also, bed conscription!

[metallusionsismagic]

This chapter needed more proofreading before you submitted it, dude.

[Nyerguds]

"Not good, not good at all. What if changelings come into your home trying to tell you they were magical beds and steal your love?"

"Hey, that only happened once! And my regular bed was conveniently nowhere around to defend me then, anyway!"

Quite some errors in this one... I'll just point out the more glaring/obvious ones:
> the bus was passed you by
"the bus [had] passed you by"
> the wreckage that was once your most priced possession
"prized", not "priced".
> your mobiliar at home
I assume you were trying to say "furniture"? Are you German, by any chance?
> you open the door to your messy apartment, dropped your bag on the chair near the entrance door
You literally switch tenses inside a sentence there.
> You stop in front of your bedroomdoor
"bedroom door" - two words.

[funbrand]

Wait a minute guys. What if training the... guy's new bed properly made the ponies go away? The bed would guard itself and the Guy from any ponies and, maybe if it's trained in magic, can send the ponies back before they can do any damage? *Cough*vinyl*cough*

[MythrilMoth]

This could have used a couple more editing passes to smooth out all the Google Translate.

[sbloom85]

Shining Armor... are you on drugs?

[Frogmyre]

I can't believe that Shining didn't teach the bed about self-defense against fruit! All good guard beds should learn that first!

[kooarbiter]

meh short typos everywhere characters weren't funny (well at least to me) and doesn't really feel like the other chapters (not in a good way)

[Cauchemar]

When he says draft he means steal didn't he?

[Doctor REDACTED]

That's it FOS RO DAAAAAAAAAAAAW

[Sage Probo]

I dunno if I should feel proud or compelled that he actually posted a WIP that i wrote half asleep in the middle of the night.

I should also learn to read faq's beforehand and wait before submitting anything...

*facedesk intensifies*

[Sage Probo]

5508636 How did you know? Are you a spy?

[pootdispencer]

epilogue:
a load noise is heard within the room, before shining can react a knife digs into his back and shining falls with a thud. You stand there in shock as you view your bed being covered in smoke. Once the smoke cleared, you see a man wearing a ski mask and a very expensive suit and holding a gold-plated pocket watch with an engraving of a hummingbird on its lid and circular lights from within; you stands there as he takes the knife out and dusting off the ashes on his suit. He looks directly at you and says "this will be the last time you see me", you can only stare in confusion as he opens his watch and shoots himself in the head and falls to the ground. you could have sworn you heard footsteps afterwards