Caverns & Cutie Marks

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 70: They Delved Too Deep

“And that is why Zubats, cute as they may be, are the spawn of Tartarus itself, and a force to be both despised and feared.” Wits End finished his explanation with a nod.

“Spawn of Tartarus? Maybe. Feared? Undoubtedly. Despised... I think you’re going a little far,” Light Patch replied.

“I’m sure they don’t mean to be such a nuisance.” Fluttershy quietly added.

“The little flying rats matter a great deal to those two,” Purple Heart called from the front. “I never really got into that fandom to care much.”

“What’s a ‘fandom’ you’ve gotten really into?” Rainbow asked from the middle.

“Pirates,” Purple Heart replied immediately. “Gotta love them rubbery captains with no idea what ‘quit’ means. I’m also partial to Stargate, Firefly, Underta- Wait, gotta finish that first…Oh, I did. And overdramatic animated sportsball. That’s fun too. NYEH HEH HEH!”

“Finish the game before you say that,” Wits said, tossing a small stone at the back of the purple stallion’s skull. “Ya bonehead.”

“But I did,” the purple earth pony mumbled, rubbing the back of his head.

Rarity cleared her throat. “Not to interrupt this fascinating conversation, but shouldn’t we be worried about how far down this tunnel is going? We’ve been walking for quite some time without seeing a single pony. Not even any of those zombified ponies.”

“Maybe there’s something else down here,” Wits said. “Like friendly little yellow flowers.” He began humming a simple 4-note tune with a smile on his face.

“It’d better not be him.” Purple Heart muttered darkly.

“Could also be Mole Knight. I wouldn’t mind some dust knuckles. I just hope we aren’t going into a Shmups inspired area. We’d better not run into Dobkeratops,” Light Patch threw out.

“Do we wanna know what a ‘shmups’ would be like, or who this Dobkero-whoever is?” Applejack asked.

“Dobkeratops. And no, you probably don’t wanna hear about it. As for the shmups levels, caverns usually lead to some kind of ice or lava area. Then that leads to a high tech area, which then becomes living walls, and finally leads to a giant brain. Sometimes with floating eyes,” Light Patch quickly summed up.

“Which is known as Glowey Eye McWeak-to-Arrows,” Purple Heart commented.

“In any case, we should consider ourselves lucky we haven’t had to fight. We don’t have the room to use our numbers effectively,” Twilight said to keep the conversation on track. “Purple Heart? See anything up ahead?”

“My colt eyes see nothing!” Purple Heart responded. “I can however see that the walls are changing to be smoother as if somepony put a lot of meticulous effort into carving out this tunnel.”

“Hum,” Twilight mused. “Right.”

“Um, how are you two in the back? Anything one of you wants to say? If you don’t mind me asking. I’m not trying to be too pushy, am I?” Fluttershy asked.

Wits shook his head. “Not at all. I’m enjoying the vibrating rainbow.” He saw the pointed look on the cream-colored pegasus. “Oh. The thing?” She nodded. “Are you sure?” Another nod. “I mean, there’s probably better times for the thing than now-”

“What in the world are you rambling about now?” Twilight interrupted. “Do you have something to say or not?”

“Um… Kinda, sorta, maybe?” The mint-colored stallion swallowed hard as the assembled mares turned to watch him. “So, uh, I kinda did a thing while we were in Roania.”

“What kind of thing?” Light Patch asked looking critically at his friend.

“Nothing big,” Wits said quickly. “Just, um.” He coughed. “Kinda got blackmailed to assassinate Amber Glitter a little bit.” He paused for a second. “And it might have been because otherwise Holdfast would’ve horribly mutilated you all. Just a bit.”

“Huh. Did you win?” Light Patch asked, only to be hit by Rarity. “Okay, okay. Still though, next time I need a pony dead, I’m gonna have to find someone else. You kind of suck as a hitpony an-” Light Patch was hit again by Rarity, but this time remained silent.

Twilight teleported to get right in Wits End’s face. “All of that was happening and you didn’t tell us!” She yelled.

“I mean, obviously I didn’t tell you, ‘cause if I did you’d know before now.” The unicorn stallion was rambling now. “And, to be fair, I did tell Fluttershy, so it’s not so much that I didn’t tell you all so much as I didn’t tell select members of the group. Select members that comprised of most of the group, really. And Fluttershy told Rarity, so that’s like 2/9ths of the group right there! Practically half! Besides, I practically got Amber Glitter on the throne, which is almost the exact opposite of assassinating her, so-”

“You did what now?” Purple Heart raised an eyebrow. “Amber Glitter had a claim on the throne because of her lineage.”

“And to support that claim, she needed ponies on her side,” Wits replied. He started counting off on his hooves. “A champion popular with the people, a member of the nobility to support her claim, and some way to get the throne empty. Sound familiar?”

“Like about half of every fantasy story, a good third of most anime, more than a hoof ful of video games, and probably a couple of points of history,” Light Patch monotonously listed off.

“Okay, point made,” Purple Heart grumbled, eyeing Wits End. “But how come you were able to play Holdfast like that? Aside from being sneaky? Being told to assassinate a mare and instead turning around and supporting her claim to the throne? You’re a gutsy little guy.”

“Gutsy’s one word for it,” Applejack said. “Ah’d call it ‘bout as smart as goin’ applebuckin’ in th’ middle o’ winter in yer skivvies.”

“Holdfast thought he was the smartest one in the room,” Wits explained. “I played the part of somepony just smart enough to be manipulated by him, and let him keep his hooves out of it.”

“Welp, is he still alive and kicking?” Purple Heart asked. When Wits nodded in the affirmative, the purple earth pony rubbed at his face. “You’re going to have to be extra careful now. I wouldn’t put it past Discord to not make Holdfast hold a grudge against you.”

“I agree,” Rarity chimed. “You embarrassed him at his own game. He can’t be happy about that.”

Twilight turned to glare at Light Patch who looked relatively uninterested in all of this. “Why are you and Purple Heart taking this so calmly! He’s just admitted that he’d hidden a situation that if it had gone wrong could have been disastrous for all of us! We could be dead by now!”

“I can’t speak for Purple Heart, but I trust Wits End. Yeah, I’m a little upset he didn’t clue me into a possible maiming, but if I needed something done sneakily I’d give it to him. I’m too nice to be stealthy. I’m like Gork...” Light Patch trailed off in thought, “Or is that Mork? Either way, I’m like which ever one of them it is what’ll stab you in the front. He’s a good friend, and I’ve known him for years. If he thought I’d needed to know about it, he’d tell me when I needed to know.”

Wits cleared his throat again. “Actually, I didn’t tell you ‘cause I was worried you might’ve outright told him what was going on. Or befriended him. That was a very real concern in telling both you and Pinkie.”

Light Patch raised an eyebrow as he looked at Wits End. “Befriend him? Oh please. I’da probably just shoved the old coot off the nearest balcony.”

Rainbow Dash made a scoffing noise. “Yeah. When was the last time you befriended somepony who turned out to be super evil, right?”

Light Patch frowned and turned to look Rainbow Dash. “In my defence, I didn’t know he was gonna turn evil,” he muttered darkly. “Besides, look who's talking, Miss Gryphon.”

The rainbow maned pegasus bristled in indignation. “Gilda got better! She may not be perfect, but she isn’t cruel and rude now!”

“Only after you had angsted her into being nicer after she kept bashing on Fluttershy,” Purple Heart retorted scathingly. Rainbow Dash tensed, teeth grinding as she restrained the urge to attack the purple earth pony.

“Enough you two. Witty’s got more he wants to say.” Pinkie said. She motioned for Wits End to continue.

“I mean, this is pretty entertaining on its own, but… As for the rest of you.” Wits started off by pointing to Rainbow Dash and Purple Heart. “You two would’ve straight up punched him in the face.” He moved to Twilight and Applejack. “And you two would’ve given the whole plan away by being too specific in your denials.”

“And why didn’t you tell me?” Rarity asked.

Wits made a sound like a dainty woodland creature fainting, followed by falling to the ground with all the grace of a felled rhino.

Rarity’s mouth formed a thin line as she looked over the stallion’s performance. “I see…”

Twilight glared at the mint colored unicorn for a few seconds before snorting and pushing past Purple Heart. “What else haven’t you told us? Is there anything else you’d like to tell us, possibly even from before Discord brought you in on this little game.”

“Twilight, I don’t think this is the place for this. Perhaps we should save this conversation for later, when we’re in a better place for it?” Rarity said, looking around at the cave; more specifically the fact that the mares were surrounded by the colts. Not that I’m terribly concerned it would go that far, but still better safe than sorry, she thought.

“Yeah, let’s save the worry concern for later!” Pinkie Pie chirped, smiling widely. “We’ve got more cavern to explore! Let’s enjoy ourselves!”

“Finally, somepony who loves a good dungeon crawl!” Purple Heart cheered. “Onwards, mein Pinken fruend! For glory, lootings, and Talvisota!” The two earth ponies sped into a swift trot that carried them further into the tunnel system.

The mares and two colts blinked before resignedly following after.

“What’s Talvisota?” Fluttershy asked.

* * *

“What’s in these crates, then?” The armored town guard looked over the wagon full of identical wooden crates; each one unmarked, unlabelled, and surprisingly heavy for their size.

The hooded merchant shook his head. “Under orders not to say,” he muttered.

“Under orders?” The guard sneered from under his full plate. “E’ery day, we get some merchant like you. Says they’ve got a shipment to go directly to Mister Stalwart’s factories, and can’t say what’s in them. I say you ain’t comin’ in ‘til you open one of these up.”

Under the shadow of his hood, the merchant paled. “Mister Stalwart said-”

“Mister Stalwart ain’t the mayor of this town, merchant,” the guard growled, the glow of his magic wrapping around his spear. “And nothin’ comes into Ibnutas Pass on my watch that ain’t declared. Now, open one of these crates or stand aside.”

“Mister Stalwart was very clear that no-pony-”

“Did somepony say my name?”

The guard turned. An older, snow-white stallion stood a few steps away, wrapped in a fine cloak. “Mister Stalwart,” the guard said with a short bow, “you’ve got to understand that Lord Just Duty can’t allow unknown crates into town like this.”

“Oh, of course, of course.” The snow-white stallion limped forward to stand next to the crate. “We wouldn’t want to do anything without Just Duty’s permission.” He smiled; an action that did not reach his eyes. “Which is why I have written permission from him to exempt my goods from any searches.” He produced a rolled scroll, offering it to the guard.

“What?” The guardspony took the scroll, taking note of the split in the stallion’s hoof. If not for the roughness of what was obviously a wound, it almost seemed like it would have belonged to a donkey, or some other cloven-hooved creature. Putting those thoughts aside, he unrolled the scroll and examined it. “This is Lord Just Duty’s seal…”

The stallion smiled again. “See? The good baron knows what’s good for his people.” His smile turned wicked as it widened. “Which is why he allowed me free rein in my business here.” He tapped his split hoof against the guard’s cuirass. “And why you will let not only this good merchant, but any others with orders from me. Understood?

The guardspony grit his teeth. “And your workshops are for the good of Ibnutas Pass as well, Mister Stalwart? The ponies working from sunrise to sunset? Belching their smoke into the sky at the edge of town?”

“No-pony works in my factories against their will,” the stallion replied. “Ask them yourself. Every one of them will say so. And those same factories have put Ibnutas Pass on the map of Roania as a manufacturing center, and produced that armor you’re wearing right now.” He turned away and began walking away. “So when you tell your fellows to also let my merchants through, you can be sure to thank me for insuring you also have jobs.” The snow-white stallion looked over his shoulder. “Your baron may rule this town, but I own it, guardspony. Remember that.”

Holdfast smiled to himself as he heard the guardspony pass the merchant through behind him. Just Duty had set him up as business-owner by the name as Stalwart Hold. Not the name I’d choose for myself, he thought as he limped back toward his office, but I’ll admit his naming sense is fitting enough. A shame I must work with an alias at all, however.

His expression soured as he thought back on the reason he was banished to this formerly little town. Wits End, he thought with a snarl. If it had been anypony else, he would have been intrigued by how quickly they had fallen from power.

But it wasn’t anypony else. In a few short days, the power he had built up over his lifetime—earned with the blood on a knife and the sweat on a brow—had been taken away from him by just one colt. A colt he had sworn was under his complete control, but had instead played him like a fool. And on top of that, the colt had the nerve to mark him was a maimed leg

In an instant, the great chancellor of Roania had gone from the potential ruler of a kingdom, to a simple conquest by a pony less than a third his age. Instead of by his power, Holdfast had become defined by his failure.

“Defined by that colt,” he growled, slamming the building door shut behind him. “Well, that won’t last long.” He looked out at the vast building floor, and the rows upon rows of armor that stood like silent soldiers. Soon enough, he would exact his revenge. He would return to power. And he would hold that power.

He would hold it fast.

* * *

The group paused and looked at the door before them. They stood in a widened area, looking through the entrance carved into the wall of the underground structure. Light Patch peered through the doorway and then back at the cave they’d walked through.

“And so here we are, our first proper dungeon, only… Something about this doesn’t feel right.” He noted again looking between the room through the door.

“Agreed.” Purple Heart noted looking skeptical.

“So now you two can detect traps as well?” Twilight muttered.

“He is a barbarian,” Wits added. “That’s one of their class features.”

“No, not like we’re walking into a trap. More like...” Light Patch trailed off trying to find the right words.

“Like we’re not supposed to be seeing this yet,” Wits End said, stepping forward.

“I think they’re right, girls. If you look through the doorway, it looks like a proper entrance. But then all of this looks like it was carved out. Why would anypony poorly dig a tunnel like this,” Rarity said, motioning to where they’d come from and the small wide area they gathered in, “only to build a facility this nice, and not make the cave with the same level of standard while digging it?”

“And yet this opening is perfectly smooth all around it. Like it was built that way,” Purple Heart mused, tracing a hoof along the inside.

“It’s almost like Discord had something else planned for this entrance and then changed his mind last minute.” Twilight said, distracted from her sulk.

“Also, doesn’t this feel way too important for us to have encountered so early?” Wits End threw out. “Secret tunnels and zombie hordes sound like mid-to-end level stuff to me.”

“Almost like someone should shoot through two holes and insta-crit the boss, hm?” Purple Heart jibed, grinning cheekily at the mint unicorn.

Wits End shot an unamused glare at the purple earth pony, his eyes narrowed. “You stop that. We’ve got more important things to worry about, tree kisser.” Ignoring Purple Heart’s sputtering, Wits eyed the finely crafted opening critically.

“Seeing as this is the only path before us,” Wits End sighed, “I suggest that we keep the One Punch Stallion in front and proceed with caution.” With a snigger, he began muttering something about ‘Clerics in the back, Wizards in the middle, and keeping an eye on Rogues’.

“Seconded, send the tank in first. Go get ‘em,” Light Patch said, patting his purple friend on the side. “I’ll follow you in if it makes you feel better, just make sure you meat shield for me in case something big comes through those doors, or slimes.”

“Go get ‘em, big guy,” Applejack urged, smiling snarkily at Purple Heart as the rest of the Mane Six announced their support for the plan. The Purple Barbarian scowled but took point all the same, leading the group slowly but surely into the room. The cavern beyond was shrouded in darkness and heavy shadows, making it difficult for the ponies to discern any significant details or attributes of the room easily.

“Ah can’t see a thing,” Applejack groaned. “Anypony got a torch or somethin’ ta light up this place?”

“Ooh, ooh! I do have something! I picked it up while we were back in town. One of the first things I did after the first cavern I had to crawl through,” Light Patch said, going around in circles as he dug through his gear. “Ah hah! Behold A star’inna jar!” Light Patch cheered, pulling out a jar of dust. “Uh, my star seems of have nova’d. Okay who got iron in my star?” He shook the jar a couple of times before putting it away. “I’ve got a jar of non light producing dirt. Twilight, Pinkie, one of you are up.”

With a giggle, Pinkie dug around in her mane to pull nine already lit torches into view and passed them out. “There! Now we can see the whole room! Oh wowie! Look at that door, it’s so shiny,” she giggled, bouncing over to the door.

“Yeah, let’s bounce over to the inexplicably shiny door,” Purple Heart mumbled, eyeing the door as if it was some trap waiting to be sprung. “Keep aware. I have a feeling things are going to get very interesting.”

Pinkie reached the door and knocked twice on its shining metallic surface. “Hello? Anypony home?”

Wits End trotted up to the door. “I see!” He exclaimed, putting his forehooves on its surface. “My theory of Pony Transmutation wasn’t wrong… It can be done! It’s possible! It’s still just missing something!” He dropped back down. “Or it’s just a door we can’t get into yet.” He turned and leaned against the door with a sigh.

“Should you be doing that?” Rarity asked. “Somepony could be listening on the other side.”

“Relax, fashion pony. I know my Legend of Green Tunic games. This door won’t open until we find a key of some sort. Until then, we’re perfectly fi-”

The mint-colored stallion blinked in surprise as his support disappeared with the door’s opening, leaving him falling forward towards the ground. He caught himself before he could fall through, facing the darkness beyond. Before anypony could react, innumerable shadowy black tentacles reached through and grabbed the closest pony: Wits End. With an undignified yelp, the unicorn found himself pulled through the door, which swiftly closed behind him with a clang. All that was left was a room full of stunned ponies and a completely sealed door.

Silence filled the cavern after Wits End disappeared. The remaining ponies stood there, gaping at the door in surprise. The silence was broken quickly by Purple Heart.

“NO!” he cried, kicking at the door and bashing it with his shoulder. “I’m not losing a friend so soon after getting them back! I refuse!” He reared back with his gauntlet clad leg. He whipped his hoof forward and struck the door again. The entire tunnel shivered upon impact and the gong tone sounded. The door remained unharmed as did the tunnel itself.

“GAAAH~!” Purple Heart roared, eyes bright with fury at the door and fear for his friend. He struck the door again and again and again, each impact just as ineffective as the first. Light patch finally snapped out of his own stunned silence and joined his friend in pounding on the door using his hammer and combat magic, even setting his revived vines to split or tear at the door. Eventually, the rest of the group joined in, using everything and anything they had to assault the door. After what felt like years, the group lay or sat in front of the obstacle, completely exhausted from their failed efforts to open the door. Not even a dent or scratch had been inflicted from their time sieging it.

The large metal door creaked open once again, slowly this time and only on one side. A small creature with a red spotted hat peeked around the edge of the door. When it spoke, its ridiculously high pitched voice swiftly ground Purple Heart’s nerves to nothing.

“Sorry!” the little creature cried, “but your princess is in another castle!” Its piece said, it disappeared and the door slammed shut. The clang of a bolt slamming shut sounded from the other side of the door. The ponies blinked at the door on confusion. Purple Heart’s groan of irritation brought the mares’ attention to him.

“CARP YOU, TOAD!” the Purple Barbarian roared, slamming a hoof against the door again.

“If we run into koopas, I’d better to get steal one of their airships at the end of all this,” Light Patch muttered darkly. “So far, Discord has played relatively fair and not done any straight insta-deaths, or put any major time limits on us. As long as we can find a way deeper into this place we should be able to save him,” Light Patch said louder for the others to hear.

“If I had enough strength left,” Purple Heart wheezed, “I’d make a hole in a wall and go around the door. As it is now, I think we’ll have to find a different tunnel entrance on the surface.”

“Hey, guys,” Pinkie said, her eyes fixed on a chain by the door. “Do you think this would open the door?”

“It wouldn’t hurt to try,” Applejack pointed out.

“We might as well,” Rarity agreed.

The rest of the group weakly nodded for Pinkie to pull the chain. When she did, the floor opened up beneath them. Recognition flashed briefly in their eyes before they started screaming in surprise as they fell down the hole. It wasn’t a straight fall. The hole began to slant like a slide and they sped downwards, still screaming. After some seconds of screaming and chortling laughter, they found themselves in a heap on a hard stone floor.

“You were wrong, Applejack,” Purple Heart groaned from the bottom of the pile. “It did hurt to try. Now, geroff me!”

“Whose tail is in my mouth?” Light Patch asked as best as he could while simultaneously trying to spit said tail out and keep it out.

“That would be mine,” Rarity sniffed, pulling her tail away with a slightly grossed out look as she tried to dry and restyle her tail.

“Right,” Light Patch said finally free from being at the bottom of the pile. “Every pony who’s dead sound off.” A chorus of groans echoed back along with a few giggles.

“That was fun, let's do it again!” Pinkie cheered bouncing in place.

“Let's not and say we did,” Light Patch replied quickly.

“I concur,” Purple Heart agreed. “We have a ‘princess’ to save and it’d be best to do so with haste.”

“Okay, you two obviously have some experience with this kind of thing,” Twilight pointed out. “Any explanation for it? Or perhaps a forward course of action deeper into the tunnels?”

“And why did that thing call Wits End a princess?” Rainbow Dash asked.

While the rest of the group was focused on the two colts, Rarity and Fluttershy glanced at each other. “Um… the princess thing actually might be something Rarity and I know,” Fluttershy said timidly, raising a hoof to garner attention. “But I don’t know about the cute little creature that talked to us.”

Light Patch and Purple Heart looked between each other before it was silently agreed that Light Patch would get the dubious honor of explaining. With a sigh, he stepped forward and cleared his throat.

“Now, this is a story all about how a plumber’s life got twist-turned all upside down. And I’d like to take a minute, so just sit right the-” Light Patch’s song was interrupted before it could even begin by a purple hoof in his mouth.

“No singing!” Purple Heart snapped, “or I’ll make you build the fifth swamp castle alone.”

“Fine,” Light Patch sighed before he started to explain to the mares the history between the Mushroom Kingdom and the Koopa Kingdom.

Author's Note:

Authors: Light Patch, Purple Heart, Wits End

If you didn't already know, there was an upload to the Companion Stories last week. Go look at it. I had fun writing it. [PH]

Comments

[Dravkwn]

So much referencing. Did I see a hogan's heroes reference in there?

[Seeking Dusk]

So... Wits' and Light's nemesis are working together. Isn't that lovely. And Wits has been kidnapped (again). He'd better not be developing a weird hobby...